The happy place

Hey did you know that animals with exoskeletons, such as lobsters, they too can gain weight and become obese, just like everyone else, whereupon the skeleton segments will adjust to the new size, but that obese lobsters might still suffer from mobility issues and trouble breathing, so if your lobster turns fat, then you are well advised to put him or her on a diet.

One strategy which I employ in life is to be very strange.

Or rather, not try to be not strange: trying to be normal and to fit in has taken me nowhere.

When I was a young man, before I was a handsome one, I tried my very best to fit in because I had a yearning to be loved. I went to great lengths to please my classmates to try to gain their acceptance and to make friends of them, and I paid a high price with my dignity and so forth, but it gained me less than nothing.

Such a state of being as I was then is sort of a shapeless state of failure. (Someone who to this day seem to me to be a cringe inducing nightmare.)

Then one day enough was enough: I concluded that they (my “peers”) were never going to accept me (I was a joke) and I couldn’t successfully be normal: That that was an unachievable goal to me.

By that time I had long since let go of my oars and was just aimlessly drifting ever which way because I had no goal or anything: it was enough of a struggle to keep afloat.

Anyhow so I gave up on being normal and decided to become instead very strange: invent my own clothing style with Hawaii shirts and t-shirts with hearts printed on them and sunglasses and whatever ugly shit I could find, and when people would point out I was looking like a fag I would show them that I also had on nail polish.

That strangeness made them lose their leverage on me, because no longer did I care to please them: The contempt they had for me I felt it now against them in equal measure.

So that’s how I was able to grab once again the oars of my metaphorical boat and to start rowing. It wasn’t no easy journey, but with the years I became handsomer and handsomer, and I found some friends who didn’t care if I was strange or not: even they liked it.

Like that song with Shakira and Dizzee Rascal: “I’m crazy but you like it, loca, loca, loca”.

In fact no hurdle has come my way since then which has created an equally big existential crisis and also I have been happy (more or less) ever since.

Cause I came out a Diamond.

I’m learning stuff from the TV right now. Apparently Crime and Punishment is a most profound book. Thought provoking is not enough to describe, it’s life altering.

That’s pretty significant.

Might even read it myself, although honestly I’ve had a hard time enjoying the Dostojevskij books I’ve tried so far. Frankly speaking the people in those books have seemed irratic and have acted strange: overreacted to things and so forth.

And I’ve had a hard time keeping track of who is who and it could be a cold fact that I do not possess a formidable enough brain to appreciate such treasures, but I’ll give it a shot one fine day. (I enjoyed the Gambler a lot but it was a short and straight forward novel, but the others are dense and thick or so it seems to me.)

Maybe one fine day when I have a lot of time and am not re reading the First Law triology. Then I might give it a shot. By then my brain might’ve ripened with age and experience.

The fact is that I’m equipped with this somewhat (some might say) unsophisticated brain I have got and for that I am very thankful.

Indeed.

I couldn’t picture a life without my brain.

However: I wrote this post not to flaunt my ignorance, but because of that which I saw on the TV just now: that certain books can have such a massive impact for some people. That is something I myself can testify to be true from my own experience.

But it was a movie in my case, six days seven nights. I’ve written about this one before because as I’ve written before I’m much like an album (or even a single song) on repeat. That film made me stop and think what I wanted from life, what type of career would make me happy (not climbing no corporate ladder, that’s for sure)

Same is true for songs like I’ve written before: keep em on the toes.

Somewhere inside there is a small voice which is your own: listen to that one and pay no heed to what plans others might have for you.

That’s my sage advice.

Feeling really exhausted. It feels like I’ve been painting planks for ten hours straight or something.

When kubernetes was new 2016 it had PetSets but it has been replaced by StatefulSets since then but anyhow I like the pet name better but I would NEVER deploy my dog in kubernetes.

Fact is I’ve had it up to here (really high) with kubernetes and deployments and yaml files nested in yaml files so indented that I need to horizontally scroll even though I’ve got a big screen.

Like a real big curved one.

The manifests are like many of them and it’s enough that one of them has a blank space too much or a template.spec in the wrong place and it won’t compute. Or worse yet: you’ve put the special annotation on the wrong block, or there’s a type-o, so whichever controller won’t pick it up, the magical spell didn’t work and nothing happens, you don’t get your SSL cert or whatever (you wait in vain).

Don’t get me started on kustomize: I get very triggered when thinking on that one.

I feeling the cognitive load too much. So much so that were I a k8s deployment, I would’ve been shot dead long time ago by the OOM killer and then deployed anew. Think that’s my fate if I go to hell when I die.

To exit 137 in a crash loop forever.

Good evening ! This type of week with a day off in the middle is exemplary. A red day; the labour day: the very reddest of red days, suits me just fine.

Blood red.

I am feeling confidence now. I will dance to my own tune. I do not need to seek validation for my feelings from outside sources. I am not fazed so easily.

Feeling like a colossus both physically and mentally bodes well for the future.

I hope these feelings aren’t just from the bubble wine I had for dinner.

Anyhow I shall relish it now. Some days are good and others are bad.

It’s the yin yang.

I have started to re read that Joe Abercrombie triology “The First Law”, because it’s a good one and I like to be having something to look forward to at the end of each day so I’m doing that even though my life is rather too short to re read stuff as I am quite a slow reader and there are many books out there.

I also made a scientific discovery the other day about my allergies: I use to get headaches, sneezes and a cough a couple of times each month, and that would last for hours even if I medicate, basically more or less ruining that day, but if I go out for a jog, like a 5km run, like I did the other day, then that somehow triggers a hard reset of the sinuses and I get back to normal.

Some would say normal is an overstatement; I’ve never successfully been quite normal.

That makes me think about that song by “The Last Knife Fighter”,, “Ring Tailed Roarer Blues”:

So, don′t get me sane when I need change

Don't tell the reaper I′m in his range

Don't call me crazy when all I is is strange

Think TLKF has really some of the best lyrics I’ve ever seen about being a beat down cowboy.

Or in general too. It’s just really good. I think so.

Okay let’s now face this Tuesday with bravery !!

The weather is Monday weather all gray and rainy but I’m wearing shorts.

I’ve got a pair of Sony WH-1000XM5 headphones?l, but honestly they are not an upgrade to the XM3 I had before: they have no buttons, only some touch thing: you’re supposed to touch the headphones in various ways to make it do stuff like increasing volume or playing next song etc, and I was unable to learn how. Fortunately after a 600 page Eula, there is an app which can disable that shit.

Furthermore it has a “feature” which auto pauses them when I speak and since apparently I tend to talk to myself or sing along to the music it would pause all of the time.

Last but not least it would trigger some haptic warning that my volume is set too high by the iPhone, like I am a thrill seeking dangerous man, I don’t need my iPhone and headphones to treat me like some infantile wacko.

Speaking of iPhone, all of the time there comes in some dirty dust or something which makes them hard if not impossible to charge with that cable? I’ve had that happen to all of my iPhones I’ve ever had with the lightning cable socket? Am I just dirtier than average or what?

Pockets full of dirt maybe? Not that I thought of.

I think I’m done with apple and iPhone and OS X and in fact I’m installing visual studio right now.

I’ll become C# developer yet !!

Are you interested in time travelling? Would you like to go back in time to see if the dinosaurs had feathers or something?

I wouldn’t.

I wouldn’t travel back in time, because I’ve watched too much Star Trek, so I know about the risks involved when messing with the space time continuum.

The butterfly effect.

Plus I don’t want to get in trouble with the temporal police.

Actually I think that thought of the multiverse that it’d just fork off and the original time line would be intact, but I’m not 100% sure.

Plus I am not curious or adventitious enough about anything in the past to want go there, like there’s lots of diseases like TBC and the Pest and shit like that in the past. Poor dental hygiene, poor hygiene in general and short average life spans etc.

I don’t wanna go forward either: I see the trajectory from where I stand and it’s looking like we’re headed towards some dystopian science fiction I am not motivated to see up close.

That is a change I realise now because I used to think the future looked bright.

It’s here in this time and space I have my life and I don’t want to change anything except my job.

I will travel forward in time but in the standard pace which is usually not considered to be time travelling: one day at a time.

👋 hello hello

Thinking I should take a few days off. Thinking I should do something about my fear of heights. Like exposure therapy and everyday climb the scaffolding as high as I dare to and then add one step.

Thinking that it would be easier to have a few beers first to loosen up the nerves as alcohol does sometimes lend courage.

Then again I’m thinking probably that’s not a very good idea.

That’s all I’ve had the time to think about so far. The other stuff are mostly such thoughts I’ve thought before.

I’m like a record or even a song stuck on repeat.

I’m thinking that most ideas and thoughts people in general have (me included) are such things which more or less have been thought before in some shape or form.

It’s easier to live today: It doesn’t weight on me as much. It’s heavy some times but I’m incredibly strong and durable, a Cimmerian.

I listened to Scooter today.

Did it with the teacher  She was hot like Salsiccia  Chop chop  Yeah

Inspiring.

I will make it through this life one day at a time, like a Salsiccia.

Chop chop

Yeah