The happy place

hello dear!!

I have had many intensive days which have rendered my batteries empty (hence I’ve not written here). Maybe like an old iPhone: batteries don’t last a full day no more, and won’t always charge properly.

But unlike an old iPhone, I have a formidable capacity.

For love.

I don’t want to write about no buckets!!

I don’t know what I want to write about.

New job is exhausting. I’m getting too old for new experiences like this, and the worn down tracks of my old life was deep indeed. Like waist deep. And now like an ox and/or a tractor I must follow a new path unknown into my future. To make new tracks.

I wish I was more enthusiastic, but I’m feeling wrung out?!! Feeling like it’s the type of thing one must push through for a greater prosperity in the future, though I keep counting down the years until retirement, and it’s a long time still.

But it seems like it could be fun! work could be fun, people are nice (appears to be) and stuff.

Also, on the other hand, think about these fuck nuts working their asses off under the constant abuse from chef Ramsay just to get to work on some barbecue restaurant? To wear a black chef’s jacket? To cook food and smoke ten packets of cigarettes and likely get a heart attack in the early fourties? And something also about toxicity?

Anyhow I sure hope for peace on Earth soon.

Hey I got a playlist from Spotify called “your day in a playlist” or some shit like that. First track on there was “Gallows Hymn”, followed by “Graveyard”, “Meth Head”, “Breakfast in hell”, “Black Lung“, ”My shit’s fucked up”, Metamphetamine” and “Waiting around to die”,

But also Banjo Odyssey. That’s the most fucked up one.

don’t know what sort of day they had in store for me, but it went rather good all in all with no metamphetamine, just the regular grind and now I’m one day closer to retirement

And one day closer to death ☠️

There was a bone chilling cold sink is teeth in me even though it’s not that cold, there was white big moon yesterday, a full moon of triple the usual size, but still just as cold.

I’ve got a turkey, the angel maker, she who nibbles at her sister’s feathers, she who’s got the most beautiful coat of feathers: cream white with a shine of oilcloth and a glitter like ice cold snow, or cheap vanilla ice cream. Her feet were covered in shit and therefore for all her beauty, she stank pungently yesterday.

But I could sense that smell. They are returning to me it seems, the smells. Even the repelling ones are welcome and they do make me happy. Even the stink of shit.

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First when I was out running, the sun shone on me, and just now when I was out with the little dog, so did the moon. Like a big headlight.

The moon radiates a cold, silvery energy.

I think that when there’s a full moon out there, the spiritual realm is closer to us and I think astrologers and astronomers agree about that.

Speaking of which

I think that System of a Down is a great band, I’m listening to them now. Great lyrics on sensitive topics and the whole thing; it’s a mixture of playfulness and seriousness which I enjoy. Such contrasts make a rather powerful effect. (Radio/Video is my favourite track)

It was my cousin he introduced me to System of a down. He was listening to mr. Bungles (Carousel) and fantômas and System of a down, whereas I was more into EBM (such as VNV nation) and Einstürzende Neubauten (no longer like) at the time but I’ve always loved listening to music and a funny coincidence I’m wearing an old VNV Nation T-Shirt right now!! It says something along the lines of “Faith, Glory, Power” or some shit like that on the back and once when I was walking along the piers many years ago some influencer woman shot a picture of it for her instagram, so there was some powerful messages indeed back there.

ok

Empires is the only good VNV album I think, but that one is 100% gold.

There’s this line of lyrics of this Architects’ track “do you dream of armageddon” like this:

No tree can grow to Heaven  Till its roots reach down to Hell  Will we ever learn our lesson?  We all fall in parallel

Brilliant!

It’s something something Carl Jung but basically it’s the yin yang I am always alluding to; the brutal dynamics of being alive and so forth… But anyhow the reason I’m writing this is I think about it whenever the turkeys look up at the sky: as their eyes are on either side of their cute faces, whenever they look up, they also look down.

that’s really deep, as I think looking like the turkeys do: to heaven AND hell is the only way to see a devil in the sky.

I’m having it nice, Mark my words!

I’ve been tampering with front end and the react and the so called DOM. This is an acquired taste (I think) I have yet to acquire.

I’ve put the Wolf book down as she (the she Wolf protagonist) is in a bad place and it’s rather slowly paced book, and I am impatient so it’s not been working out. Maybe I’ll read another few chapters in another few months.

Instead I am reading the black jewels trilogy, all three in one volume. By Anne bishop. This was a gift from my sister from before (many years ago) when we liked each other.

That’s a great world populated by handsome devil men named like Saetan SaDiablo, with black nail polish, long black hair, muscular bodies, wings, magic crystals and “obedience rings” around their dicks?!! Also some intra world travelling and prophecies and stuff like that; Quite strange but in a good way. I can recommend it to anyone who is interested in any of the above.

Ok the hamburgers I ordered ten minutes ago are ready so i cant write more now.

I’ve done nothing worth writing about. also I haven’t been inspired lately, but that is just the natural ebb and flow of things.

Let’s see. I have been around and seen some interesting stuff: One guy with a bad smell to him who never seemed to change clothes, another one who lined up all of his diabetes syringes on the table when we were gonna install some stuff. Yet Another guy, a big shot, who loved working 60 hour weeks. All of these people I’ve crossed paths with and thank the gods I shall never see again, in all likelihood.

Furthermore

Some really idiot forklift drivers I’ve not run into but they’ve run into people and stuff; one ran into this other guy, he said that it was lucky the dude was so fat, because then he just bounced off more or less unharmed. He said it was because he didn’t have any breaks on it and I told him to take the forklift to the workshop but it was the last free one so he didn’t, cause then he’d have to walk his shift instead of driving. Another idiot nearly ran over my foot, but due to cat like reflexes I pulled foot up, shoe bent like a taco shell.

Yet another idiot almost tipped 600kg of some stuff off a pallet over the foreman’s head, but managed due to cat like reflexes change fork direction last second

. That idiot was me.

He the foreman was an excel wizard and also Linux freak who loved SuSE.

So see here how interesting stuff happens all of the time, all one have to do is pay attention.

Trying to fill in captchas I find harder and harder. There was one in that fool Skype app when registering which I couldn't complete. Hey Skype used to be pretty good but now looks like some internet explorer from 1995 with all search bars especially ask search bar and a bunch of sponsor brands like a soccer players outfit. Ads everywhere. It looks like shit. Anyhow you didn't need an account to join that meeting thankfully.

Then today on the internet registering for some Lemmy instance I had to ask them to regenerate the captcha ten times before I could decipher one.

Maybe I'm less human these days

My life is a good one with even fruit apples growing from tiny little trees in our apple orchard. Some sort of russian apple breed which tastes sour like really sour. Some other type of apple with a type of crumbling texture and a sweeter taste grow there too. Others apple trees with other apples didn't make the harsh winter and now dead serve only as placeholders for next year's planting.

I did make a pie from the apples. I love apple pie submerged in vanilla sauce. It tasted great mixing the apple breeds I just told about in type of an alloy of apples in which they complement one another to create a perfect taste in much the same way a perfect marriage does.

My marriage is a perfect alloy of apples.

Also I seem to be able to smell more stuff now like paint and even faintly dill. Two days in a row!!

My hope is to one day again feel the smell of cinnamon.

I love that smell