The happy place

🙋‍♂️

I’ve been fixing some tickets to go see Placebo for their 30 yrs anniversary this fall/autumn, isn’t it fun how time flies like that?

Except when waiting for the microwave to finish these 2.5 minutes are very long

Or one night in my youth, I was having been drunk and I was with a friend and I slept in her little brother‘s room, right?

But problem was I woke up when the alcohol was out of my system, like at 03:00 and then I just lay there on the bed, looking at the gaming console, they had this goldeneye game, is it for the x-box? Doesn’t matter

I just lay there waiting for the others to wake up, because it wasn’t that known, the place… her parents were in there somewhere in some room, no clue which one, and I didn’t want to wake anyone, not wanting to bother anyone so I lay there waiting until the others were up, but they‘d been drinking too and it wasn’t until around 10.00 I started hearing some sounds and then I went down they had cereal, I’m pretty sure we had cereal

And that her mother liked me,

And that was something about me which made me seem lost like I was clueless or something, like a puppy or even a child? (Innocence?)

Anyway, That night I remember as having been incredibly long some reason felt incredibly slow, like incredibly slow

But

I had my friend whose jaw got broken because he encountered a football/(soccer) hooligan who just punched him for wearing the wrong colours.

And he was drunk, so he had to lay at the hospital for a very long time before they could sedate him, he just lay there with increasing pain also just letting time pass

And that was on new years eve. What a way to spend New Year’s Eve

They finally had some sort of metal to fix his jaw so he had to go for a very long time drinking soup with a straw, cause he couldn’t open his jaw or speak much

Goulash soup except he had to put it in the blender first, do you know?

Well anyway this all feels like it’s yesterday

An I am eager to see this Placebo of course, with some good friends I collected throughout these years

moon looking like it’s missing 12%, like they folded a dog’s ear on it or something

And I’m watching like I said Tulsa king on my mobile phone, we’ve not put the TV in yet,

And when I see my face reflected on the screen, when it’s black, I just see my own smile

A big smile on my face, with the teeth in charmfull disarray

I’m smiling like an idiot, but in reality I’m a popcorn

Like I wrote yesterday

I have two things on my mind

(This will be my best post yet)

1

I am now after a painfully long time in the microwave transformed into a popcorn.

There’s no way on this earth to unpop a popcorn

This new me isn’t just a hard shell but inside out

Soft

Of course it hurt, but look at me now

I am weightless

This is my final form of course

#poetry

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2

I’m watching Tulsa king. I see with great interest Stallone playing this mafioso guy out of prison, just murdering anyone who he finds disrespectful, just doing things his way, even though he is a prisoner of his own principles, is somewhat satisfying: seeing him solve most of his problems with violence like that.

Yes👍 🤌

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I’m eagerly anticipating this exciting future, like we are walking into Mad Max, the one with Tina Turner, you know?

I had a taste of this when I was a young terminal worker, riding the pallet truck, a special forklift you stand up in, with extra long forklift forks, me with a plastic mug of hot coffee, rim clenched between my teeth, driving on towards the kiosk to buy cigarettes. A vast concrete space, a decommissioned old machine covered in gray dust on my right hand side, Do you know this dust? It’s not unlike how I picture the gray ashes in ”The Road.

And there I felt for a moment that I was the only one alive, or at least that the population was as decimated as in this terminal building

And I felt like it was the end of the world, but in a good way; I would drink my coffee and smoke my cigarette in a glass box — like they have also in airports — without a care in the world. Maybe flip a magazine or simply just listen to something from my portable CD player.

I was happy then.

Yesterday I felt slow, my movements when running were slow almost lethargic, and yet I gave it all I got

Isn’t that interesting?

Of course it felt unpleasant, I was running, but also being out there felt soothing.

The gentle spring warmth felt good, the sun shone, there was green grass

And birds

Many birds

And even though like I said, it was slow; like a brisk walk.

But I gave it all I got.

And the fog tallow in my head melted

And the air felt fresh again to breathe

And next time I might be faster

Or not,

It doesn’t really matter

I just got some advertisement. Apparently, I can get a discount on baking soda.

On seeing this, I was stricken by a powerful sensation of pointlessness.

It just came crashing in, like a wave

But it went away (like a wave)

And now again I’m feeling ”normal”

Hello! I have been, with a mounting sense of frustration, come just a few hundred points short of S rating on Umamusume: Pretty Derby.

Again.

My friend he asked me: how’s the writing going? The context I am writing what I believe to be a modern classic, and sometimes he helps me with the grammar, because he’s even better than I am with grammar.

The thing is that I have been busy playing Umamusume: Pretty Derby, trying to get a full roster of S+ horse girls.

But now I’m questioning whether that truly is a productive use of my time, or should I in reality finish my book instead?

This is the question on my mind this Sunday: how to spend the precious seconds of a finite life span…

I listen now to Summoning, they have what I believe to be the best song track title I have ever seen: ”The Rotting Horse on the Deadly Ground”

Take a ride on, ride on,  on your rotting horse  on that deadly ground  Take a ride, ride on,  on your rotting horse  with a pounding sound.

Ok

It’s not hope inspiring I think, but still very good. There’s a lesson in that: to hold on to hope, may set one up for disappointment or even a deluded state of mind.

But still riding on because what else is there to do?

Hello

On Monday I was feeling bad inside, and yet I was very socially adept, made quick comments and remembered to ask details how my co-workers’ lives were going, and so forth , (because they are my friends), and on my way to the bathroom I pictured myself as a shiny balloon of leather filled with broken glass

And this amused me for some reason

But why?

I’m filling right now my inner reservoir of happiness. I saw dandelions for example today, and I sat in a folding chair, the type you have in the forest, and drank a beer in the warm sunshine, listening to the geese by the pond, as they made their strange noises

And I thought of how the turkeys last spring was bathing in the dirt just a ways off from where I sat; clucking happily

Now they are gone, but I am still here

Even though it didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to, I am still here

And there are dandelions growing nearby

And the sun is warming my skin