The happy place

Hello! I have been, with a mounting sense of frustration, come just a few hundred points short of S rating on Umamusume: Pretty Derby.

Again.

My friend he asked me: how’s the writing going? The context I am writing what I believe to be a modern classic, and sometimes he helps me with the grammar, because he’s even better than I am with grammar.

The thing is that I have been busy playing Umamusume: Pretty Derby, trying to get a full roster of S+ horse girls.

But now I’m questioning whether that truly is a productive use of my time, or should I in reality finish my book instead?

This is the question on my mind this Sunday: how to spend the precious seconds of a finite life span…

I listen now to Summoning, they have what I believe to be the best song track title I have ever seen: ”The Rotting Horse on the Deadly Ground”

Take a ride on, ride on,  on your rotting horse  on that deadly ground  Take a ride, ride on,  on your rotting horse  with a pounding sound.

Ok

It’s not hope inspiring I think, but still very good. There’s a lesson in that: to hold on to hope, may set one up for disappointment or even a deluded state of mind.

But still riding on because what else is there to do?

Hello

On Monday I was feeling bad inside, and yet I was very socially adept, made quick comments and remembered to ask details how my co-workers’ lives were going, and so forth , (because they are my friends), and on my way to the bathroom I pictured myself as a shiny balloon of leather filled with broken glass

And this amused me for some reason

But why?

I’m filling right now my inner reservoir of happiness. I saw dandelions for example today, and I sat in a folding chair, the type you have in the forest, and drank a beer in the warm sunshine, listening to the geese by the pond, as they made their strange noises

And I thought of how the turkeys last spring was bathing in the dirt just a ways off from where I sat; clucking happily

Now they are gone, but I am still here

Even though it didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to, I am still here

And there are dandelions growing nearby

And the sun is warming my skin

There behind an anonymous gray steel door was a staircase leading downwards into

A pinball arcade.

There was an expert there, he even wore a badge around his neck

He could answer all of my questions about pinball, surprisingly I had a lot of them.

Did you know that they typically have the 7.5 degree angle (adjustable)?

And they are apparently pretty easy to repair? (He went ahead and showed me a manual which was very thick for something I myself would classify as easy to repair)

These games are like portals into these worlds they were displaying, Iron Maiden, Star Trek, fishing or whatever.

indeed they are marvels of art and engineering; I understand why some people find them fascinating

But man, they are excruciatingly boring to play, I think. I thought then that I never wanted to play pinball again.

But

I appreciated the mood, and seeing my friend having fun

Because they are my friends

I am rich that way

Lately, I have been tired in a way which sleep can’t seem to fix

And I went into the spring today, I felt the sunshine laid on me like a healing spell

And yet the happiness in me today was not enough to share, I needed all of these energies to change my own batteries

Which is a shame, because I can normally have a positive influence on my surroundings

But I haven’t been enough lately

Some times it’s just the way it is.

As I made my way home from fitness dance class, I saw a man falling haplessly on the paving stones outside the main entrance to his apartment building.

— are you OK?, I asked

— yes but the PIN code doesn’t work, he said, meaning to the door

— Do you need help getting up? I asked

— I live here, he responded now slowly getting on his feet unsteadily

He’d dropped his pizza, box lay upside down on the ground. And the plastic containers of sauce were spattered on his wallet and his phone which he’d also dropped.

He looked about to fall again, I asked

— Can I pick your stuff up for you?

— No, he replied, but you can hold the door for me.

He managed to gather his stuff, but I took the pizza and handed it to him

— this still looks edible, I said encouragingly

One hand on the door frame, he took the pizza in his hand and I saw then that his arm was incredibly muscular.

— take care now, I said as we parted ways

And with thoughts of the ruined pizza on my mind I went home

I am thinking about it still.

Aaah the spring sun is shining strongly on the dusty streets and pave walks, but in the brownish looking parks, it is possible to spot bright green grass

And I was today eating lunch where there was a buffet of pancakes, pizza, Indian food and some sort of schnitzel with potatoes and gravy, together sending a powerful message that you don’t need to choose; you can have everything at once (there was also sushi and kebab but not as part of the buffet).

And I walked with a belly full of world’s food and my back straight, gazing at the horizon.

There were two swans today by the pond.

But never mind them

Today I stumbled upon a live version of the “I Died For You” song by “Iced Earth”, and it just blew my mind.

I was in my youth a big fan of Spawn, and this track details (in the lyrics) his tragic backstory: He sold his soul to meet again with his wife, but now she’d moved on and he’s a monster.

A lonesome freak.

A little bit on being careful what you wish for and the monkeys paw and all of this, but it strikes me as so powerful that his wife now is in love with his best friend and there he stands with his cape on the other side of the window, looking in.

He’d rather been dead

That’s a tragic fate I think.

That’s very cruel fate

I’ve got my mojo back, it was in the red Volvo. In my lap there is a little black dog with dried shit in his ass, but I can’t smell it

And on the stereo is the Smiths and my wife is driving this car into the sunset.

It’s not a very beautiful scene; the sky is yellow, sure, but there are greenish brown gray clouds and the trees look black on either side of the gray road.

And now there was a clearing with this water and some gold where the sky meets the hillside like in a commercial for polar bread!

I’m going to have my beer soon, and look into the flames just like I described in my last post which was very deep.

I have been invited to two weddings but unfortunately I’ve grown too fat for any of my suit jackets so now I’m thrift store searching because sometimes they’ve got Manchester fabric and that’s what I’ll wear so help me good!!!

I can’t believe I’ll have to work tomorrow, strictly speaking I don’t have to do nothing, it’s just nice to be able to eat and have a solid roof over my head

Ok I’ll write next time I get a powerful burst of inspiration

👍