I’m watching Tulsa king. I see with great interest Stallone playing this mafioso guy out of prison, just murdering anyone who he finds disrespectful, just doing things his way, even though he is a prisoner of his own principles, is somewhat satisfying: seeing him solve most of his problems with violence like that.
I’m eagerly anticipating this exciting future, like we are walking into Mad Max, the one with Tina Turner, you know?
I had a taste of this when I was a young terminal worker, riding the pallet truck, a special forklift you stand up in, with extra long forklift forks, me with a plastic mug of hot coffee, rim clenched between my teeth, driving on towards the kiosk to buy cigarettes. A vast concrete space, a decommissioned old machine covered in gray dust on my right hand side, Do you know this dust? It’s not unlike how I picture the gray ashes in ”The Road.
And there I felt for a moment that I was the only one alive, or at least that the population was as decimated as in this terminal building
And I felt like it was the end of the world, but in a good way; I would drink my coffee and smoke my cigarette in a glass box — like they have also in airports — without a care in the world. Maybe flip a magazine or simply just listen to something from my portable CD player.
I was happy then.
Yesterday I felt slow, my movements when running were slow almost lethargic, and yet I gave it all I got
Isn’t that interesting?
Of course it felt unpleasant, I was running, but also being out there felt soothing.
The gentle spring warmth felt good, the sun shone, there was green grass
And birds
Many birds
And even though like I said, it was slow; like a brisk walk.
Hello! I have been, with a mounting sense of frustration, come just a few hundred points short of S rating on Umamusume: Pretty Derby.
Again.
My friend he asked me: how’s the writing going? The context I am writing what I believe to be a modern classic, and sometimes he helps me with the grammar, because he’s even better than I am with grammar.
The thing is that I have been busy playing Umamusume: Pretty Derby, trying to get a full roster of S+ horse girls.
But now I’m questioning whether that truly is a productive use of my time, or should I in reality finish my book instead?
This is the question on my mind this Sunday: how to spend the precious seconds of a finite life span…
I listen now to Summoning, they have what I believe to be the best song track title I have ever seen: ”The Rotting Horse on the Deadly Ground”
Take a ride on, ride on,
on your rotting horse
on that deadly ground
Take a ride, ride on,
on your rotting horse
with a pounding sound.
Ok
It’s not hope inspiring I think, but still very good. There’s a lesson in that: to hold on to hope, may set one up for disappointment or even a deluded state of mind.
But still riding on because what else is there to do?
On Monday I was feeling bad inside, and yet I was very socially adept, made quick comments and remembered to ask details how my co-workers’ lives were going, and so forth , (because they are my friends), and on my way to the bathroom I pictured myself as a shiny balloon of leather filled with broken glass
And this amused me for some reason
But why?
I’m filling right now my inner reservoir of happiness. I saw dandelions for example today, and I sat in a folding chair, the type you have in the forest, and drank a beer in the warm sunshine, listening to the geese by the pond, as they made their strange noises
And I thought of how the turkeys last spring was bathing in the dirt just a ways off from where I sat; clucking happily
Now they are gone, but I am still here
Even though it didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to, I am still here
There behind an anonymous gray steel door was a staircase leading downwards into
A pinball arcade.
There was an expert there, he even wore a badge around his neck
He could answer all of my questions about pinball, surprisingly I had a lot of them.
Did you know that they typically have the 7.5 degree angle (adjustable)?
And they are apparently pretty easy to repair? (He went ahead and showed me a manual which was very thick for something I myself would classify as easy to repair)
These games are like portals into these worlds they were displaying, Iron Maiden, Star Trek, fishing or whatever.
indeed they are marvels of art and engineering; I understand why some people find them fascinating
But man, they are excruciatingly boring to play, I think. I thought then that I never wanted to play pinball again.
But
I appreciated the mood, and seeing my friend having fun