The happy place

I’m thinking that I’ve been a dead fish floating downstream for a long time, but then suddenly I’ve come to life swimming upstream, unable to complain because no words come out of my fish lips, only bubbles, and suddenly I feel the strong current trying to drag me with it, but not me! I swim nimbly with muscular movements and lo and behold even I make it up this waterfall.

I know that that’s where the bears are, I’m not stupid. And yet these dangers must be faced, even though this is just a matter of luck, isn’t it?

It’s just a matter of luck. Being a fish in this example, is also just luck (or lack thereof)

The only real choice was coming alive swimming upstream

And for someone such as me, it wasn’t a choice at all!

Today I had this dust cloth sticking out of my back jeans pocket. While I was cleaning sexily.

Later the same day when at the grocery store I saw this sausage type of meat pressed into the shape and form of a teddy bear, you know? For children…

Much like the HP inkjet printer, this too I think of as an object of pure evil.

The sadistic smile of this teddy bear made of thousands of pig carcasses like taken from a nightmare !!

I like the ”Britney Jean” album , even though I think ”Work Bitch” is the weakest track, it’s just selling a bad dream; I didn’t even know what a mazerati was — it’s just some car, you know?

Like I know several people busting their backs, working their asses off helping people live and die with dignity, earning next to nothing?

Of others trucking day and night with bad knees on this ice, far away from loved ones, peeing in bottles and then falling off that tail lift severely injuring themselves but only after the shift is over do they bloat from internal bleedings and nearly die?

The game is rigged.

In the ”Perfume” (I like it more of course I do) track I think it’s clever that she wants the other woman to smell her perfume, you know?

It’s the exact same theme in ”dark lady” by Cher , have you thought about this?

Britney could’ve been the Dark lady herself working her black magic with this perfume trick.

So now when my mind is freer from anxiety I have space in there to think such profound thoughts

I feel I’m getting my mojo back!

At work I amuse myself by writing bad English sentences. It’s just something I find to be a little bit funny, but under the surface lies a lesson learned (from first law trilogy) to make them underestimate you, and then when you flash bright like a lightning bolt, it’ll dazzle and blind them.

When you shine bright like a diamond

Hey when I was in Barcelona my sister (in law, the other one is dead to me) sent me the Diamond track from Rihanna and I just love the theme and song and I don’t care that diamonds don’t actually shine, because neither does the moon.

I just hope this feeling won’t subside

But of course it will

I’m glad Kanye west is (also) feeling better now

Let’s visit the memory banks, and see if there’s something interesting stored within.

Let’s see…

Once at high school I’d gotten an award for being basically a warm person, and this other guy he said to me I hadn’t earned it, but I just said to him he was jealous and that shut him up to my (then) surprise.

I guess we both were around thirteen years of age.

It was the ninth graders who had some sort of show in the aula where they handed such prizes out.

They weren’t all benign.

A tradition I think.

Now I have seen this same person in adult shape, working extra at the gas station.

When I saw him, I felt nothing.

Hello the full moon shone alone today on the deep dark blue sky, like a silver coin.

except silver coins do not radiate light, but neither does the moon.

I’m picturing the type of coins one might have on the tongue or even on the eyelids, I’m sure it would feel cool to have such coins on there, when paying passage on the river Styx.

Except when you are dead, you are cold too, and you don’t feel anything

But still the moon coins you would feel, I am sure.

So there I stand lazily, letting the dogs pee on the snow just outside the door

It’s more yellow now than white

Not the door, the snow.

And it’s cold so we all agree to quickly return outside to the soft warm bed

Maybe I shall be able to sleep tonight

Having finally called a toad a toad

And for how terrible it feels

Still and yet a great relief sets on me tonight

As I lay here guarded by this silver coin

I am feeling happy right now, don’t know but I have missed this feeling a lot!

I am metamorphosed back to my normal happy state

Fuck yeah I made it!

My daughter she’s got a green plant, we bought it off IKEA; a palm like tree which looks to be shooting green fireworks when it’s sprouting it’s leaves!

I got a plant just like that when I was about her age. God knows what’d become of me otherwise.

It somehow grew with little to no sunlight into a formidable tree-like giant bush, almost touching the ceiling.

If my tree could grow into something this beautiful from such little care, think then about my daughter’s, which my wife watered already!

They think it’ll wither and die, because in my daughter’s room the blinds are always shut, But I know it won’t!!

🪴

here is the so called elephant text, a pretty good one with a powerful elephant metaphor which came to me, just like that!

I followed an impulse to remove it, because it gave the impression that I was offended, but I was!

And rightly so! I reserve the right at any and all times to be: OFFENDED!

🤌🤌

---

My face looks like it’s got the texture of an elephant’s; with wrinkles. That’s a recurring thought which strikes me lately when I see my brightly lit face in the bathroom mirror. It’s been a gradual change which suddenly reaches a certain threshold, and then you see it clearly. But not before!

The kind aunt called me earlier today to tell me I’m wrong about my childhood. Apparently she’s a subject matter expert.

But I’ve become an elephant. Elephants never forget.

I was therefore able to take what she said with a grain of salt fortunately.

She hadn’t seen my metamorphosis.

That was the last time I referred to her as the kind aunt, though.

So everything changes

I am working now, don’t have time to write

I have slept poorly it is however THURSDAY soon the weekend will be upon us!! Take heed!

I feel my soft yoga body and I would like to think that all is good

I wrote a really strong elephant post yesterday but was stricken by an impulse to delete it

Not entirely sure why?

I will write it again some day

Maybe it felt too personal but that hasn’t stopped me before?

I just say ”fuck it” and post; that’s why everyone loves this blog !

Anyway I better get back to work now, I am sure Windows updates are through

The sun shines warm and bright through the blinds, and yet outside snot freezes inside the nose with each inhale of the air, which feels fresh — even though the horizon is lined with factories spewing their gray clouds in the atmosphere.

I’m reading in the newspapers today about the protests in Iran; how corpses are stored in ice cream trucks.

What a horrible nightmare!

I am not quite sure what to make of all this.

I might once have thought I did, but I don’t.