The happy place

When I was young I wasn’t as scared as I am now; I could jump from the trampoline 5 meter no problem, I went on the roller coaster and I was unfazed by changes.

I didn’t have much that I valued as much back then; so I think it was I hadn’t as much to lose.

It’s not right to say that I wasn’t used to failure or anything; my whole life until late teenage years can be described as having been one long failure.

I wasn’t very happy back then.

That’s why I really liked the count of Monte Christo, the theme about happiness in there:

There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness.

Because now I am happy and very rich as in having much that I value in my life, so maybe that’s why it scares me this new job I’m gonna start after summer: I don’t necessarily like anything interfering with my yin yang now. I felt compelled, however, to do something about what I perceived as being a downward trajectory, and that’s all there is to it.

Anyhow

It’s such an amazing book, The Count of Monte Christo. There are distinct parts and adventures in there. Dantes spends so much time in that dungeon having been wronged and all that, and then he serves the revenge ice cold. Of course he comes out a changed man.

I think today was a soul crushing day which I spent with a headache in a five hour teams meeting looking at colleges pulling reports.

Maybe that’s why there is a void in my head now, like in DnD you need a long rest to replenish the spell slots and abilities.

Life can be a very hard thing to endure at times, and we all face problems we are I’ll equipped to deal with from time to time. Sometimes when on the other side of such problems, we are changed, sometimes past recognition.

Therefore my advice is to always be careful to pass judgement on other people, because you don’t know what crosses they bear.

In the other hand, some people are just assholes.

There are some people who feast on the misery of others and who are ruthless and they can be two faced and exploit the kindness of people and so forth. These people too might carry crosses on their backs.

If so, they have them upside down.

Aaah what a life!!

the sun is shining more and more with every passing day, making the nights shorter and melting the hard snow to ice and puddles, leaving the ground underneath visible in places, like the receding hairline of some wet middle aged man.

The nights are brighter too, as there have been a big full moon shining a cool light on us ominously.

Werewolf moon and snowy ice and puddles.

It’s very dangerous to venture outside as you are likely to slip on the ice. The gravel which used to help does not help no more, as it’s now underneath the ice which have thawed to let the grovel sink into it and frozen again in a very mischievous way, making a causal observer think it safe to pass when in reality it’s anything but.

Knowing about the treacherous paths does not help, as the snow on the sides are similarly made slippery and hard by the shifting weather with warm days and chill nights, so it’s really best to stay inside for now.

It’s this very special time with spring around the corner, where you are likely to be able to ice fish, which is what I’m going to do next week.

Got a lot of plans for next week.

I’ve been to Greece a couple of times, and that’s always been absolutely nice.

To bathe in the Mediterranean Sea is a nice and relaxing sensation, snorkelling in the salty salt water.

I’ve heard there are corpses and sewage in there. Untreated sewage. And salt of course. The salt is incontestable, cause that’s the only thing that you can taste.

They have French fries in Greece.

Mediterranean diet I think always include fries.

So to go by boat from island to island on the Mediterranean Sea eating French fries, looking at acropolises just like Theseus did, that really is an intense cultural experience,

and it’s really cool on Crete.

Wasn’t it from Crete that Ikaros flew on the wings of wax made by Daedalus to escape imprisonment by king Minos?

Now visiting that place some thousand years later it’s hard to wrap your mind around its historical and cultural significance.

My father gave me €20 out of an ATM on Crete when I was in a tight spot, being unemployed at the time. This took place during a time in my youth; back when I was very handsome like a young Theseus, but clueless and without much of a plan (in general) really. A different age again. That generous gift really meant a lot and I remember it to this day.

Likely I bought cigarettes or something.

In fact when next I see my father, I’ll pay him back with interest. Not because he expects that, but because he don’t: to give without expecting anything in return is an act of goodness.

These days the rich folks line their pockets on poor folks expense, and sharp elbows and silver spoons behind their ears and in their lying mouths are what make people successful.

Greed is a virtue not a sin to these people.

Therefore kindness is something to treat extra carefully and cherish even more. Possibly it’s always been like that.

Indeed

Looking at my colleagues looking at logs sure is fun work.

After such a creative day as this one, I feel creative energy flowing through the system, brightening my day.

The brightness is amplified by the sun which is shining unobscured right now. I see it through the window, urging me to go outside, and I will, but first I must stay inside just a bit longer, looking at my colleagues looking at logs.

Occasionally I come with some great advice, suggesting them to restart some system for example, or even restarting it myself, but mostly I just look. It’s all very appreciated.

Belly full of food, head full of memories: I feel like some sort of treasure chest right now.

Some precious chest.

So you know how time slows down when waiting for the micro oven; 3 minutes can seem like an eternity? It’s like that for me at work right now, waiting for the day to end. Was waiting 30 minutes, looking at the clock only to see the only two minutes have passed. That’s like a small punch in the gut.

It’s like that sometimes.

This was a mighty fine weekend. There’ve been some great findings on the flea market I forgot to write about earlier amidst the excitement of me finding the coffee filters.

I found a 2:1 sound system with a powerful subwoofer for the PC for a mere €10. That’s a bargain if I ever seen one.

So yeah that’s just one example of how lucky I am.

I am a very complex figure, however; for even though I am very lucky (apparently) and stable like a fortress, and generally very content with everything, there is a compartment of my brain with a special room.

That room is often inhabited by some or other festering anxiety; if it’s not some fatal or nonfatal disease I worry about, it’s some other things I shall not name here for fear of summoning them back up there again.

I don’t really know how to deal with this; fixing and handling the individual worries just vacants the room and lets the next one in.

Maybe I love life too much, and cling to it too hard, suffocating somehow something something, not sure.

I bought two packets of coffee filters.

We used to have one of them reusable filters. Was a pita to clean between usages.

There is some resemblance between coffee filters and diapers, except the coffee filter is designed to let the liquid through (that’s the whole point) whereas diapers do it only accidentally.

OK so not so much resemblance after all.

There are some thoughts who looks promising but upon pursuing them, you come to a dead end, like I just did.

Thinking is a tiresome process as it can lead you to dead ends or even in circles and sometimes you get lost in your own head.

Being alive is tiresome for sure. That’s why we require so much sleep.

#deep

Good morning everyone!

What about today?

It’s mild outside. it’s thawing and therefore the roads are coated with ice. The snow lies heavy and wet on the ground.

Although you cannot see the sun behind the clouds, it’s there for sure or else we would all be dead.

That’s some food for thought right there; even though we cannot always see them, the good forces are at work always.

Anyway, today is ripe with opportunities. Been looking forward to this weekend, because I have come to detest my job. Don’t tell anyone but I’ve gotten a new one. Start date is not exactly set so I’m keeping a low profile for now. Biding my time.

We’re all gonna go to flea markets this weekend. And buy coffee filters.

Clarification: The coffee filters we’ll not buy those at the flea markets.

That’s probably this weekend’s most important quest.

#jounal