It’s raining outside and somehow also inside of me it feels like.
It feels like some vague nondescript terribleness somehow have sunken its teeth in me and caused the rain inside, and a vague nausea which might’ve come from me eating burnt toast for breakfast earlier today. My feet are also cold, but that’s cause I’ve no socks on.
Generally speaking, socks have a very short life span: there is almost immediately some hole or else one of the pair goes missing and therefore I only have a handful of pairless socks left, which mostly I save for when running, but I may make an exception today as I feel cold inside and outside.
With socks for comfort, I may be strong enough to confront this day and go vote in the EU election. Feeling vaguely unenthusiastic about that but you cannot be enthusiastic about everything.
I just saw myself in the mirror and it seems I’ve aged like a fine wine or even maybe one of the fancy type of whiskeys they keep in an oak barrel.
There were some type of wrinkles on there, on the face, and a wild red tinted beard and yellow long hair which looks like Legolas hair. A hard, battered and at the same type kind face. Sunburned. Healthy, with a very big slightly asymmetrical nose in the middle. On either side is an eye, one of which is also slightly off center, but both of them look both wise and intelligent.
Those eyes have seen some shit, but how then could this face look so kind?
Handsome. Beautiful. It’s the yin yang of the face, or the wabi sabi which makes this face of mine so very beautiful.
I think that’s what makes us humans so incredible we can’t be perfect and therefore we are perfect in our own flawed ways or something paradoxal like that.
Deep.
Never was one much for whiskey. I think it tastes absolutely awful. Fireball I like because I love sugar and cinnamon, but not whiskey it’s just not my cup of tea, but it’s a figure of speech.
Which is your favourite Britney song? Mine is “Break The Ice”. It’s just got such a cool sound and the video is some sort of awesome anime like type story. Then close follow up which also showcases the full breadth and scope of Britney’s insane talent I think: “Everytime”: such a sad song I want it played on my funeral or something, cause I get a lump in my throat whenever I hear it. I’ve also been pondering “The great Below” by NIN for my funeral but this list is about Britney Spears so I also recommend “It Should Be Easy (feat. will.i.am)”: such a cool singing voice effect in there makes you sound like a Decepticon with lyrics which would knock you out like this part here:
If there was a scale from 1 to 10
On my love for you, it's a million, billion
Boy, I'll love you 'til the day I'm dead
So please, don't mess with my head
Please, don't mess with my head
Couldn’t love someone much more than that I reckon.
But there’s lots and lots of great songs I could go in for hours so I’ll just say that I really like also Radar its so catchy and you want to listen to it when you are in Barrens or something.
Today my wife flipped the door handle which I’d put upside down yesterday, following a one hour struggle. Took her five minutes. I’m a high performer, no: A top performer, then what does that make her?
Now it’s raining heavily outside, the type of near ice cold shower from the sky which I’ll have in my book: the heavy rain and the frog hands etc.
I’ll be having some few days off now to enjoy and I’ll spend some of them with my cousin. An intellectual giant who has read and written several thick books about philosophy. The kind of stuff which would fly right over my head I think.
There’s more to write, but this here will have to do for now cya.
Yesterday a hen threw up on my shoulder. She was sitting on a shelf and she looked me in the eye, and then stone faced she puked something white and that was I think some feed back or something, not sure; don’t wanna read too much into it, but it felt like a bad omen.
Then today I was defeated by the door. First the handle was sort of wobbly and that may be due to that rod thing in the centre, connecting the handles on either side, being too short. They put a too short rod in there. What happens then is rod goes too deep into either handle and then the other one, not having enough rod, becomes wobbly and sooner or later unable to open door with.
Last time I fixed that it was by stuffing some styrofoam on each handle connector but that proved to be a temporary fix due to compaction, so this time I put some small gravel rocks in there instead. It took me one hour or more to put it back together because of the weird misshapen screws used to fasten the whole thing with, and by that time I felt deflated.
I’m pretty sure I broke something in there in the process. Something insignificant I hope.
Then I realised I’d put the fool thing upside down: The handle now seems to smirk at me and this is the type of thing I can appreciate in ten years, but now it just feels ominous: first the chicken puke and now this situation with the upside down handle.
Upside down that’s a bad omen for sure.
Luck ran out, number of the beast: those sorts of things are not far fetched associations.
If this is a dark time, then how come I feel so good?
Something don’t add up.
Speaking of omens: Good Omens: I didn’t quite enjoy that one. The TV show was good, but the book I didn’t like at all.
woke up just now from a short nap. Listening to cortex think it’s great. Was reading chronicles of the black company but not really caught on yet it’s a bit of a strange book that one, so should probably be good.
I’m a little bit like a black mamba: all you feel is the bite without rattles or anything like that which other snakes may do. No I’m a man of action and no ceremony just like a lightning bolt from a clear sky, like a wizards lightning bolt (with a silent invocation or else it wouldn’t be so very unexpected.)
Actually on second thought I’m more like a rattlesnake cause I have no poker face to hide behind and that’s what people like about me, that I mean what I say and say what I mean without being mean.
Sometimes I feel like a woven basket. Empty. People will try to pour wisdom into it, but it all runs out leaving nothing but a mess.
Anyway
Anyway Monday fine. All is good sun is up everywhere and everything is more or less the same as yesterday and now it’s time to play some computer games.
I’m fed up with food. Having a great time in my own imagination, laying in the sofa, thinking on life and stuff and wondering whether I put the coffee on or if that too was in my imagination only, but I see traces of ground coffee in my thumb so leaning towards that I’ve actually put it on. All this while my body is absorbing the food and filling me with energy.
Learned today that I’m a top performer. Wouldn’t’ve guessed that though I know I have a formidable mind and a very high speed.
I’m actually pretty fast when I do stuff: pretty fast and mostly right is my mantra.
Or well it’s not not really it’s more to be kind or something about being kind and honest or something like that but it’s not like I lay on sofa all day thinking about mantras. No I’m laying here wondering about whether I put the coffee on.
I couldn’t care less if people wore socks during summer; they might have goat “hooves” in them for all I know, which makes sense to hide because one may be self conscious about such a thing, or else simply don’t want attention drawn to that whenever venturing outside.
Anyhow what can I say about these past few days except the sun has been blazing outside pleasantly but I’ve been confined mostly inside during the days working at my desk in the cool indoors environment.
I’ve almost got a negative motivation score at work. It feels like it’s far below zero anyhow. Felt like climbing a mountain to get to the aws console login page, and what is the account number? A joke is what it is: 13-16 digits ??? It’s not meant for humans to input it’s a number for machine to machine communication I think.
I’m far away from being a machine because of my high EQ.
I saw about a college having a prosperous career as an OpenVMS expert and that felt very reassuring because I’ve been questioning for how long I can go on working with the Java.
I appreciate many things about java: the new (since java 8) time API, with ZonedDateTimes which handles DST when adding days, the stream API, I like generics even though I know it’s not exclusive to java, I really used to think CompletableFutures was neat but now I’m working in coroutines mostly and the various flow apis Kotlin has. I used to think of kotlin like a Java with uglier syntax, but now I think instead it is really neat and prefer it even to java.
Anyhow I’m up to a lot of stuff but I don’t want to write about it: I don’t wanna jinx nothing and is premature.
Friday I made it!!! It was a reasonably good week with many happy faces and many strengthened friendships. The other people were back from various conferences and whatever and towards the end of the week I no longer had the crushing responsibilities of a scrum master and felt invigorated, went for a brisk run in the very warm sun and drank a lot of tap water.
Not everyone have access to drinkable water and I counted myself blessed beyond measure and it made me wonder why I have so much of what other people may lack.
Today as a scrum master I missed the standup completely, as I did yesterday.
That’s taking delegation up a notch.
Then we had some sort of planning/grooming. I quickly zoned out but was nevertheless able to estimate accurately all the story points.
Five here and eight there.
Then I worked on some incidents. That’s when you truly feel alive. It’s the kick that draws thrill seeking daredevils like me to ops work. It’s the danger. And the investigative detective’s work. Like Poirit.
Then I reviewed a PR laden with badly written code in which I left a lot of constructive and helpful feedback, always respectful and thought through.
Then I saw that very same PR merged moments later and I found that very amusing, because I may not care overmuch about the well being of the place I’m at right now, so I have a certain healthy distance.
Here’s my life hack: When something pops up I ask myself “do I have to care about this or that?”, 99% the answer is no.