The happy place

I have got curly hair now, because the day before yesterday I think my wife braided my hair and now I’ve let it all out and I look very beautiful in a slightly funny way.

It’s only temporary.

(Everything is.)

The guests have left, after creating many strong memories in my head for which I am glad.

We for example went fishing, using my new fishing rod I was close to catching the biggest pike I ever saw, like some feral beast of legend: pikes are some sort of nightmare fuel with their mean teeth and big mouths and this one looked like it could’ve swallowed my hand, that’s how big and mean it looked, but last minute it broke free and I almost felt relieved because it would’ve rattled the boat to the point of capsizing it, had I managed to hoist it up there.

Another example is we had coffee in the egg shaped sofas.

I’ve got few friends I can be just silent with because generally speaking I cannot differentiate awkward silence from regular silence and thus I keep talking to fill the void. The exception being in the mornings before I have fully booted, at which point I do not always even realise if someone tries talking to me.

but my BFF can be silent for a long time, without anything amiss. Presumably he’s looking at the game cameras in his mobile phone, spotting different kinds of deers which all look the same to me. That’s a nice thing I think.

So there we sat all silent sipping coffee in the egg shaped sofas, surrounded by turkeys just being themselves, having a good time.

When turkeys copulate, it’s a very graceless thing to behold: the tom climbs onto the twice as small hen and stands there for two to three minutes, just trying to find his balance, moving his feet, swaying to and fro with a look of deep concentration on his face, until finally he finds it and then two seconds later they are done and the hen rises and shakes her feathers and that’s that.

Anyhow did I write that I was gonna start making dream catchers? I feel compelled to do that, me being so spiritual and artistic and whatnot.

I feel compelled.

I’ve already started collecting a big assortment of feathers, now I just need to figure out what types of rings to use, but I am confident it will come to me in due time.

Think even the rugged feathers will do, especially the weather worn feathers, they have this wabi sabi type of beauty to them, like a scarred face they sometimes can be more beautiful than a regular one.

Ok thanks for reading!!

I’m awake now I’m the sun sitting in the egg shaped couch thing opposite the hammock with my turkeys and my chickens and having a mighty fine time.

It’s midsummer and the other humans are inside, sleeping I believe; having arrived either very late or else very early.

I’m pretty glad they are sleeping, cause then I can have this small moment for myself with the turkeys and chickens and my thoughts for company in the pleasant morning sun.

I’m listening to Current 93 getting flashbacks from when I was young and beautiful in a more elvish way than the rugged slightly lumberjack way I am beautiful now. The Bloodbells Chime. This produces memories for some reason of Magic: the gathering and some people I used to like and probably still do, but who are no longer friends as our ways parted somewhere sometime twenty years ago.

I’m wearing my new socks my wife ordered for me (I forgot to mention them yesterday) and it’s the only white piece of clothing I’ve got, being as I am, as we are in my family, dressed in black.

The music and the way my thoughts are leading me to some dark frame of mind is my signal to cancel the couch sitting and go put some coffee on.

today I felt three smells:

First one was from the pasta salad I had for lunch. It was the paprika: The Red one. Love that smell.

Second was from when lawn mowing. It was gasoline. That’s a great smell. I Love the smell of gasoline.

Third was from myself, the hoodie is now in the wash basket. Sweat smell carries signals which serve multitudes of purposes allegedly. Smelt nice in a slightly disgusting way the same way a fart sometimes smells like freshly baked pizza.

Now it’s gone again, the sense of smell, but it makes me happy to know that I do smell stuff sometimes; maybe one day it’ll come back completely.

It’s easy to draw parallels to how Nynaeve feels when trying to channel the One power, though this is probably not a mental block, and I don’t get it back only when angry and so maybe it’s a terrible comparison, but it felt like I could tap into some or other power when I smelt the red paprika.

I do smell more often than I smell though hehe.

Anyhow this is a good day, not only did I smell three smells, but also I took the day off, because I thought my BFF was gonna come, but he comes tomorrow. We bought gasoline, a fishing rod and a toaster, cause that’s how the day started: some part of the breakfast bread got stuck in the old toaster which started to smoke ominously.

Burnt smoke rising from the toaster was not one of the three smells I smelt.

Then we’ve been moving stuff, I’ve been putting up colourful ribbons to dissuade the raptors from predating on my turkeys and it looks very festive.

I love the turkeys, won’t be able to eat them. I love them too much.

PS. I lied about the hoodie, I’m still wearing it it’s just cozy.

Fiddling with the pipelines, wishing I was somewhere else.

Specifically downstairs, outside in the hammock with my feathered beasts for company and one of them books, but you cannot always get what you want, burdened as you might be, as I am, by the heavy responsibilities of being a provider, keeping the wolves away.

There’s a song about this: “Keep The Wolves Away” by Uncle Lucius, that you have to pay a little bit with your soul each day to keep the wolves away.

That’s a harsh truth if ever there was one.

To get in some better mood I am instead listening now to “Oooh Love” by Blaze Foley. Think it’s got the best song title I’ve ever seen. It’s a bit of a sad one too, though. So strong feelings on there. Eerie.

Screw this all I’ll put some Scooter on and go eat a fancy lunch

Boom Chakalaka.

Been running in the rain, steam rising from my hot body like a steam train I resemble in more ways than one.

I’m feeling OK.

I watched soccer the other day, for EM, and I felt nothing. Probably there’s some gene missing or something, not sure. Wasn’t bored precisely, certainly not excited, no: just indifferent.

What else is new? Due to an incident between neighbours’ dog and our cat, we are unlikely to be able to watch him (the dog) and I feel a little bit bad about that because likely it messes with their plans but what can I do?

Besides from that I ain’t done or thought much at all since yesterday so I’ll stop now.

If there 👁️

👁️

I took the premiere bath for the summer in some lake yesterday. It felt unpleasant.

I’m clean right now. Normally I don’t shower unless I’ve been jogging, because I don’t like being wet. When I’ve exercised however, I am already wet from sweat, so then it ain’t no difference in that respect.

My element I think is fire and thus water is my polar opposite.

Or no that’s not right; my element is the moon but still the point is the same; I don’t like being wet.

I like being clean though: to be clean on clean bed sheets like I am now, that’s a treat I think.

To have this much of everything is a miracle or something, and my life is so good that I somehow worry it’s too good to be true like when you scratch some cats on the belly suddenly they attack, it’s that feeling I sometimes get.

So I guess my spirit animal is not a donkey like I always thought, but a cat.

A tigress 🐅

Weekend was a whirlwind of tasks done such as using the special grass cutter, the special lawn mower, painting using some very special paint for the facade, same special but different paint inside for the stairwell. Special gutter construction and the special asphalt paint for some of the outside stuff need protection from the rain and other water sources. All special.

Like a special top performer.

Now attending my daily stand up; they want more metrics.

Metrics are a fine thing, but like I don’t need to gather no metrics to know that if I fly into the sun, I will die.

Some people seem to use metrics as a substitute for common sense hehe but each of us are created differently and I find myself apathetic about the whole thing so remain silent.

Also OK, this is a short (work) week will be having my BFF in the whole world over will talk about such things with him.

It’s Monday so for sure now I’ll need to top up my ☕️ coffee!!

I’ve been using mums Netflix account this week, even though I know they don’t want that, they want me to pay, but I am a rebel.

It’s so we could watch some of the great new J LO movies on there.

There wasn’t much to say about them, they weren’t very good. Maid in Manhattan is a good one but that success seems hard to repeat.

Then I’ve not been up to much. Mending some stuff, writing some unit tests, playing some hearthstone battlegrounds, reading chronicles of the Black Company, now on part 2.

That sort of stuff.

Seem to be stuck in the 6000 bracket on battlegrounds. Been playing the duo mode where you play with someone else and it’s pretty fun.

It’s raining outside and somehow also inside of me it feels like.

It feels like some vague nondescript terribleness somehow have sunken its teeth in me and caused the rain inside, and a vague nausea which might’ve come from me eating burnt toast for breakfast earlier today. My feet are also cold, but that’s cause I’ve no socks on.

Generally speaking, socks have a very short life span: there is almost immediately some hole or else one of the pair goes missing and therefore I only have a handful of pairless socks left, which mostly I save for when running, but I may make an exception today as I feel cold inside and outside.

With socks for comfort, I may be strong enough to confront this day and go vote in the EU election. Feeling vaguely unenthusiastic about that but you cannot be enthusiastic about everything.

I just saw myself in the mirror and it seems I’ve aged like a fine wine or even maybe one of the fancy type of whiskeys they keep in an oak barrel.

There were some type of wrinkles on there, on the face, and a wild red tinted beard and yellow long hair which looks like Legolas hair. A hard, battered and at the same type kind face. Sunburned. Healthy, with a very big slightly asymmetrical nose in the middle. On either side is an eye, one of which is also slightly off center, but both of them look both wise and intelligent.

Those eyes have seen some shit, but how then could this face look so kind?

Handsome. Beautiful. It’s the yin yang of the face, or the wabi sabi which makes this face of mine so very beautiful.

I think that’s what makes us humans so incredible we can’t be perfect and therefore we are perfect in our own flawed ways or something paradoxal like that.

Deep.

Never was one much for whiskey. I think it tastes absolutely awful. Fireball I like because I love sugar and cinnamon, but not whiskey it’s just not my cup of tea, but it’s a figure of speech.