I thought I saw the moon through the window just now, but it was just the reflection from the kitchen lamp.
The things of significance of late follows:
Firstly, There is a beautiful scene I get to witness if I set out to jog around nine: half an hour later, halfway through the route, the sun is just about to sink behind the horizon. It casts a bright orange glow which stretches long dark shadows from the birch trees, creating a powerful visual effect with sharp contrasts, like on a Magic: the gathering card. Just around the bend there is a clearing: the sun behind the tall pine trees which line a reasonably sized pond also is a magnificent sight to behold as the reflection on the surface of the still waters makes a shimmering likeness of a golden tiger’s fur.
the problem was that as I was running with my neighbour it felt terrible the whole time because I had a higher pace than usual (he had a lower one).
Secondly I built a computer for my daughter and there’s something wrong it doesn’t boot. I’ll figure it out eventually but the lesson is this: I hate building computers: it’s just me sitting bent over the fool thing trying to connect all of the small cables’ tiny connectors with my big clumsy fists (of steel) to the motherboard etc, meanwhile dripping sweat everywhere and losing my patience from installing stuff wrongly and so forth and the thing is that this happens every time I build one: I detest it from start to finish so why do I think I like it? It’s always made me angry. Maybe the person I subconsciously want to be likes that shit, but it’s a big lie.
Maybe there is a dissonance between who I see myself as, and who I am. Maybe sometimes I turn a blind eye or a deaf ear to facts contrary to this persona I have created (deep), but it feels so pointless especially when it comes to such stupid shit, maybe it was to fit into some nerd archetype or something that I once convinced myself of this computer interest, and then it has been stored as a fact ever since. but I hereby shed my skin I won’t do such stuff more.
They had promised rain and storms yesterday, which would’ve been welcome indeed, because the wells are drying up in the heat outside, but none came. Instead it was a warm and beautiful day and in the evening, the moon shone bright thru gray clouds, a sliver just like in a cartoon like in my little pony or something.
Thus I went out early this morning, before the unrelenting heat, and went fishing with my mum. I caught three, threw them back, but the fourth one I caught I cut its head off with a knife and gutted.
On my fishing rod is printed the text: “never give up” a sentiment which I absolutely do not share, because knowing when to let go and when a cause is lost I think are absolutely essential to make it through this grim world. Sometimes it’s grim. Hold on to what you have like that snail I dreamt about.
I had a dream: there were colours around me, like in a cartoon but it was real, but it was in the dream, there were sharp colours with green grass blades on a turquoise blue sky and I was walking in the high grass or rather it was just a backdrop. With me I had a yellow snail. The type of snails which are lovely with the small houses on their backs. He was keeping up with me, and he was very fat and somehow I knew we were friends.
Then suddenly he was gone.
Maybe he couldn’t keep up.
I believe dreams are rich in symbolism and they interest me a great deal as they may lend a glimpse to our inner workings of our souls.
This dream for example is a reminder to seize the day or maybe not to take for granted all that I have and the people around me and so forth, because time will erase everything and there is no extra need to race to the grave.
also:
Furthermore:
Since the smell I felt of smoked meat the other day, I’ve had a phantom resonance of it lingering somewhere in the sinuses like an echo, but I haven’t sensed any other smell since then.
I’m inside now, next to the AC. I’ve got a brief pause from the heat waves out there.
Yesterday I saw the moon again. And now I’m digging holes to replace the dead apple trees in the orchid out there.
It’s an important job indeed, because it is my legacy.
The dogs are OK.
I’m on vacation. I forgot if this was the first or the second week of vacation, but my wife told me it is the first one.
So I’ve gained a week it feels like, a week of vacation. Much as I forgot how old I was; I thought I was 37 but I was only 36 (at the time). Thus I have gained first a year and now a week.
That’s so good.
And finally a life hack: I’ve taught the swipe keyboard of iOS to write fuck: it’s by adding a custom replacement for duck. 🦆
Today the neighbour’s dog ran away again. Or well more specifically he mostly spends his time up on the hill on their farmstead but sometimes a blast of inspiration strikes him and he runs away and often to our house as we do have our dog here and sometimes she is in heat and therefore he struts around with a very confused look on him, like he was compelled by some strong force and as he reaches his destination he has absolutely no clue what to do next, so instead he shivers and runs zig zag and pees miserably on either side of the road with a facial expression which is of a deeply confused dog. Like he was hexed.
I have always believed that I was the one that herded him back to his home, but it was he who herded me! ; Now thanks to his adventurous lifestyle we have become super friends with these neighbours and why am I writing this
Because
Today I did feel the smell of smoked meat!
We ate some with the neighbours and dogs after a similar herding experience and today I did feel that smell again from smoked meat.
Even several hours later
But I didn’t smell the gasoline? It doesn’t make no sense but after smelling nothing for many days or months maybe? It sure made me happy.
Ok thanks 🙏
greetings!
I had started writing a long post about the lawn mowing but like who cares whether it’s too warm to mow lawns and whether I run out of gasoline or not?, leaving just a shaved thin stripe out there.
Speaking of which, Do you ever worry when going to the dentist or something, having like a root canal filling or something that the dentist suddenly dies or otherwise disappears mid surgery and then what? You sitting there with the excavated hole in that tooth and full of sedation and then what?
I used to go to fitness dance class, would have my step board in the front most row to the right just below the speakers and I would go every Tuesday and I would learn the choreography by heart and I would fantasise about the instructor suddenly had to take an emergency call or something and then I would step up and lead the class in her absence.
Ok so I’ll write some more soon, as you can see, I’ve got my mojo back
I still have no sense of smell which is somewhat of a bummer. Sometimes I try to smell stuff; Like I’d stick my nose in a jar of ground coffee and take a deep whiff, but I’m unsure whether I do sense something faintly, or if it’s just my imagination pulling a cruel prank on me with the phantom smell.
It’s the self deception. the painting of a prettier picture of reality and/or the self that are both good and bad: good because I don’t think life is feasible without at least a slight self deception; how else could we stand ourselves?
Speaking of which, I got a pair of gay looking black shorts from my wife yesterday. She ordered them. I’ve stopped buying clothes. Anyhow so they have a feminine fabric which is semi translucent and therefore you get a hint of what’s underneath but tactfully the rest is left to the imagination. I wouldn’t have bought such sorts myself, but am deeply moved by my wife’s thoughtfulness and so therefore they are my favourite pair.
It’s such mundane manifestations of love which I find makes life so beautiful sometimes, and It is a boon indeed to have people and dogs around you who love you, even though they really know you.
I’ve got two more topics:
Tim Gunn,? The guy from Project Runway seems to be such a warm and kind person, he showcases a lot of empathy. And the funny thing about that show is that I’ve watched a lot of episodes by now, but still I have no clue which garments are bad and which ones are good, so the judges always surprise me. It’s humbling.
And finally there was something more interesting to tell but I did forget it
Ok thank you for reading if you got this far.
There’s few things to report. let’s see?
We were watching that program you know? The one where they make clothes for fashion? It’s the one where Heidi Klum says “one day you’re in, one day you’re out”. Ahh Project Runway.
It was My best friend he came for a visit and on the TV was Project Runway running in the background while we were playing hearthstone battleground duos. Anyway it was a strangely captivating and interesting show; I couldn’t differentiate between the bad and the good stuff, for example they were making pregnancy clothes, like, for pregnant ladies, and one of them he made this white garment where the stomach is like an egg with type of a nest around it, like. And I thought that was a great idea, really clever, (because a pregnant stomach resembles an egg and has a baby in there, just like an egg sometimes has a chicken). Even he added feathers to the shoulders to drive the point home and for some extra touch. Apparently that was unwearable. The other clothes looked also unwearable but apparently they were good even though they didn’t seem to have put as much thought into them.
It’s just things that I don’t understand and therefore they do amuse me somewhat, in a non condescending way I just observe that they seem to come from another planet or their brains are wired differently plain and simple.
also we were driving in his monster truck to the camping site so I could catch Pokemon and there for some reason I was struck by a rare feeling of self consciousness, like. Standing there in the rain looking for a shiny this dragon fellow, and I felt a brief spike of unease about the whole situation.
I might be having a mild depression right now, I think. Because I don’t want to wake up and I am not so much looking forward to anything and I just don’t feel like smiling so much or smiling like this sad clown archetype or something.
Anyhow having my friend over for a visit helped a lot.
Similarly running today, listening to Ava Max in the sun, running around until all the energy was spent and and then back home that also helped
I bought this top of the line nose washer you know the type of thing you pour water through one nostril and out it comes through the other one ?!! A top of the line with yoga printed on the package
Because this is what yogis do: they do this all of the time but I got tumors up there, in the hidden cavities of the face: the Sinuses, benevolent, but tumors nontheless which I treat with cortisone so I don’t have to do any more surgery up there it’s too close to some of the vital organs for me to enjoy being surgeried up there, so close to the eyes and the brain plus they do stuff the nose full of tampons after such a surgery and trust me it’s not a pleasant experience to pull them out.
No indeed.
Even though I got some wonky eyes and a wonky brain, I thank the gods that I do have them and would not like having some further misfortune affecting them.
so here I am, top of the line with a top of the line nose washer. I do jog I like to jog it makes my problems seem smaller for a while and I enjoy the scenery. I enjoy listening to Ava Max until the iPhone warns me about the volume I wish my phone would treat me like an adult.
I can’t explain why I do like Ava Max so much I think we are on a similar wavelength or something.
Some people say that life is like a rollercoaster and I always found that to be an apt description because indeed it’s frightening from start to finish but no point getting out mid fare.
Indeed
hello my. Dear!
this day started with that I didn’t wanna get up and face another day but my bladder made me do it and now I am back in bed again ready for another brief respite of so called sleep.
There were imagery in my head this night but it’s all forgotten again it was the alcohol you see, having some neighbours over for some drinks of alcohol, and then sitting talking to one another and that was nice.
No o I put the dirty laundry on the clean one again it was a bad mistake my wife is upset with me it was the second time like that time with the tooth paste she put a tube of regular tooth paste in the dog box, a special box with dog care inside of it, and I used regular instead of dog toothpaste and my dog she looked at me like I was insane. She was very offended she was that it didn’t taste like liver but what? Mint? She had a look on her of deep betrayal, and now my wife she put the baskets with clean and dirty laundry next to each other and I screwed up twice. And so three strikes I’m being set up to fail.
Sometimes it’s hard but I each always for the light.
I reach for the light
Always.
i saw some funny looking chickens today and I scraped my knee and I didn’t do much else worth of notice except the fiasco with the laundry
Oh yeah I met an old friend who was a roommate but he too had grown old and we didn’t have much to say to one another no more. I think he seemed to have lost his carefree good spirits and now was looking worn but I look like that too but I reach for the light