This here is the space into which I put some of the thoughts which have been gathering inside my head. Mostly mundane stuff as I am not that original
I’m reading MOBY DICK, (it’s written with caps lock on the cover). A book very rich in symbolism; reading it feels like drinking concentrated juice, thinks I.
🧃
Coincidentally, it’s that very same book which Rory Gilmore read — sitting leaning against a lush green tree; so captivated, that when a football came flying close to her head, she didn’t react at all.
I hide the rest because it contains some spoilers maybe from Gilmore Girls
I see why the Vikings didn’t distinguish between blue and black, because when I look at the sky, it’s both. Or either.
It’s always dark outside nowadays.
When it’s sunlit, I spend the day confined inside — waiting for a build to complete, for example.
But I had one comma, too many, causing the fool thing to fail.
So there I sit, spending the valuable hours of sunlight, spending my finest years, waiting for the verdict: one comma too many.
But I am a creature of the dark. For example, I made this cool Gothic-Victorian steampunk look on my Pokémon GO character: a top hat with goggles, and her face, too, has goggles.
It amuses me greatly to have glasses on the face AND on the forehead.
It only makes sense if, for example, you care about redundancy.
If you work with TIER1 systems, for example.
Some would say you ought to treat yourself like a TIER1 “business-critical” system, but that level of reassurance is a prison.
And an illusion.
Because what protection does double glasses provide, if you are struck by lightning?
You have to get out into the black-blue yin-yang of a moonless night, armed with wit and a single pair of glasses, to face all the dangers — and live.
Mmm
Even in this miserable weather, I saw a teenage girl jump into the cold puddles, laughing; seizing the moment.
To see her jumping like that —without a care for her white shoes or trousers — felt like an act of rebellion against the cold and dark.
Even in the cold moonless blackness of autumn, with these cold brown puddles, her laughter seemed to radiate like the sun.
It made me smile.
👁️ 👁️ 👁️ 👁️ 👁️ 👁️ 👁️ 👁️ 👁️ 👁️ 👁️ 👁️ Hello there!
👁️ 👁️ 👁️ 👁️ 👁️ 👁️
How do you like this: I’ve signed up again for some dance fitness
👁️ 👁️ 👁️ 👁️👀
A side of 👀 me I haven’t honoured,
To express myself through 👁️ 👁️ 👁️ 👁️👀 Music!! Dance!! And fitness!!
To once more step up onto step board, the nosebleed doesn’t matter
I don’t feel it,
I feel only myself being one with the beat!
Pandora — tell the world
Stomp on the ground!!
And what more? I don’t know!
A beautiful sight to behold when man becomes music and dancing
A manifestation of art and
Fitness
Before, a fog rising toward the gray sky smudged everything, like a half-hearted watercolor painting. Now, it’s dark blue—nay, black.
And it’s not even night, although maybe it is.
J in me a fog too is rising, but it is not gray; it is red. And it puts a soft, warm glow on there.
That’s too good but it’s thanks to the 🍷 wind, nay wine
A welcome sensation indeed
I had hoped to find some exciting treasures in the cat litter box — maybe a fossilised dinosaur bone or a golden figurine — as I was busily performing sort of an archeological dig in there — but found nothing of value.
Is there a lesson to be learned from this excavation?
A lesson, maybe, in the futility of hoping for what cannot be?
A hope, maybe, to find meaning where there is none?
But from where, then, did this golden figurine of wisdom come?
I excavated it, just now, from the cat litter box.
I’m now wearing the second thrift store gift my aunt gave me.
It’s a hoodie, but red.
Wearing red is rich symbolism,
But it’s not very practical as I once wore a red hoodie with a zipper, but people would confuse me with a grocery store worker, and ask where stuff was.
Which I happily obliged, it’s funny how I learn to navigate the grocery store like a savant, but am unable to navigate through the traffic in my red car.
It’s my wife’s car.
A red car symbolises social democracy.
Generally speaking.
I also know that red makes the blemishes of the face stand out, as does the contrast colour: green. I read this in a harlequin book, which I consider a good authoritative source for such knowledge. Turquoise is optimal (I think it was) if you want to accentuate your tan.
However, that is of little consequence to me now.
I have a strong confidence that my inner beauty will shine through no matter what colour my sweater has.
My soul, you see, today is also clad in red.
Picture me, in this red social democracy car, wearing this red thrift store hoodie — accentuating my red blemishes — and the red star glowing from within.
Yes the running put me on the right track, I even crossed the long and tall bridge and thought about only two or three different ways to die — falling plummeting down into the black ocean below.
The bridge itself collapses just as I am in the middle.
Some gangsters hoist me up and push me over the guardrails, which are tall.
A car swerves and knocks me down and over I fly.
but as usual I made it to the other side.
It gets easier.
And I saw the moon just now! There was a clearing in the clouded sky, just where the moon was.
And I could feel it shining down on me.
I think it a good omen.
there are now some Christmas lights hanging from our windows, charms against the oppressive darkness soon to come.
Or wards maybe,
Anyway ok so there’s that start, a dark tone but a hint of hope, represented by the lights in each window.
Then what? There’s no getting away from the fact that it’s Sunday again.
They are heavy I think.
What can I do to light some Christmas lights inside of me? I will get a gym card, go running — pumping Ava Max until my iPhone warns me, be with my family including the small dogs.
That will help.
And I’ve got my book to read, a word to hide in for a while.
And the coffee.
But but yes, yes yes I will start with the jog, now that the sun is still shining,
And then I’ll see if that helps.
It did
I am in the city.
Just got a package from my aunt — the kind one — and therein I found birthday gifts for myself.
One was with a black panther printed on a blue T-Shirt. I am wearing it now. It’s a little bit tight but that’s OK; some people think wearing tight clothes is sexy.
It’s a very thoughtful gift. I like cool motives like feral beasts or of the occult. It’s the darkness I’ve got churning deep inside.
I think denying the darkness is dangerous. It’s false to pretend and the biggest, most dangerous lies are the ones we tell ourselves just to get by.
On the other hand: deep introspection, looking inwards at the darkness is blinding, like looking straight at the sun. There’s danger.
It’s the yin-yang. That’s the solution.
It’s a challenge to face the sky when you need to walk the narrow path, however: if you stumble, there’s an abyss waiting, or a hole deep enough to drown in.