I’m eating ice cream on a Monday! Who’s gonna tell me not to?
l am mysterious!
Soon I will do something about my bad posture and walk tall, but I keep hitting my head on account of my formidable body length; I don’t fly often because my legs are not of optimal length for flying, but rather I have to fold myself like some origami bird and even then I spill over onto neighbouring seats for which someone else has paid.
And same in the car; many cars feel to me like go carts or something, as I drive them with my knees folded outwards like a monkey.
The slouch of mine is a remnant of my past, when I wanted to shrink to nothing.
I don’t like driving or flying, but I like going by train, which I’ll do tomorrow.
Gentlemen always prefer to take the train when possible. when not; the steam boat.
I’ve been talking to my friend who is a gentleman just like me, been suggesting he should have a cane with a gilded wolf head for the pommel, and hidden inside: a sword.
We used to have that when I was a child, a cane with a hidden sword in it and I always thought that was both clever and practical and appropriate attire for a gentleman of certain station.
There was something important which I wanted to write just now, but instead my mind started wandering so I wrote a bunch of crap. I forgot what I wanted to write.
Ok watching house of the dragon does put my own problems into perspective. I’m not gelded or eaten by crabs and/or starving like the smallfolk of King’s landing. Also I’m not in sickbed burned from head to toe in pain and disfigured. Or killed on a whim.
Some people in the real world suffer similar fates as those, but anyway the point is that the sadness you get is packaged just for you, big or small or whatever.
And those Song of ice and fire books I really enjoyed reading them and that vampire book also: Fevre Dream. Steam boats and vampires! Anyhow, at this rate GRRM should hand over finishing A Song of Ice and Fire to Brandon Sanderson! I think he made a fine job with wheel of time, but maybe there’s too much grit in them for his taste. Too explicit. What do I know of such things? Thinking about it, Sanderson should write that third book of Rothfuss’. Doors of stone or whatever it’s called, because by now I’ve forgotten all about Kvothe but anyway. Anyhow finished or not, I’m very glad for all of those books because I had a great time reading them.
I’ll maybe read the house of the dragon books, if only so I can get upset in retrospect in case they’d changed anything in the TV series.
Hehe.
ok work week looming. fact it’s my last one so I shall appear in person to hand over my equipment. Could’ve mailed it but I want to see some people and have some beers. Other people I want to see only to remind myself I’ll never have to see them again or hear them moaning about lack of detail in the Jira tickets.
Hey look I’ve not done anything out of the ordinary, just keeping it real and doing some carpentry, tending to the herbs and chicken. There are two lesbian turkeys, I think, who share nesting box even though there are many free ones, they both lay there brooding on a single egg, nibbling on each other’s throat feathers, shunning the wooings of carrot the turkey tom.
They have a darker side as we’ve seen one dead hatchling before, and upon trying to have one of them adopt the two new cute chickens, she promptly attacked them and was therefore deemed unfit as a parent. There is reason to believe they did the same to the hatchling I just mentioned, only that was unsupervised with none to de escalate the situation.
So now the chickens are orphans living in a big box until they grow strong enough to be integrated to the flock.
There are also progress to report in WoW: we’re in Westfall now, slaying smugglers and trappers, collecting their bandanas?? And it got me wondering why someone would want to create a human character, isn’t it enough to be a human?
I would like to be an Elf.
One more thing: the Voodo album by King Diamond: it’s really good. Every single track is really excellent and each one tells the story of the dwellers of the LOA House and their tragic fate, as they live near a Voodo cemetery. I am mentioning this because I keep listening to it on repeat from start to finish and I can name few other albums which are 5/5 straight through.
Thinking about some different stuff like I’ve been very absent minded lately not really paying attention to what I do, sawing stuff the wrong way, not listening at meetings and so on. Think there are lots of stuff going on in my life, at work etc, which is still somewhat unclear and I’ll just need some time to digest.
I’ll go down to the office one final time next week to meet my friends, some for the last time (probably), and turn in the laptop and that’s not one minute too soon I reckon.
There was a third wave of “realignments“ this week. It is tough to see some of your friends lose financial safety, but humans are resilient creatures generally, so maybe in a year or two it’ll all be good for most of them. I hope.
I Had a friend. He lost his job last time there was a recession, must’ve been fifteen years ago, and I think he succumbed to the alcohol, but that was many years ago.
That’s the thing, not knowing which is the final straw before it all tips over. It think that if too many shitty things coincide, that that’s enough to send someone into the abyss. Some of them never come back, and if they do, they are never the same again: they might become stronger, but never without paying the terrible toll.
I feeling not OK .
But it’s just a low key sadness which has sunken its claws in me lately and I will persevere. I need the yang to feel the yin.
I’ve been playing some WoW Classic. My new monitor arrived to my door today. it’s got some RGB LED things going on on its backside, which is great cause I love blinking RGB light it’s festive.
I’m drinking Fanta.
Yesterday I watched falling down because I got reminded of that one when grocery shopping the other day, buying coffee, getting worked up about the coffee packages shrinking; suddenly they are all 10% smaller though yet they cost 20% more, also when not grocery shopping; in an email in which they call lay offs “realignmet”, usw. Anyhow, to be made redundant like that in all aspects of life like D-Fens (Michael Douglas) in that movie is a terrible thing, I think: that nobody needs you no more is just awful. Anyhow: really a great movie 1000% top notch and eerily relatable.
Anyhow the surprise RGB lights behind the monitor previously mentioned made me happy in a similar way that my Amorphis (the Finnish metal band) hoodie did when I discovered that the print on it’s front glows in the dark.
Now the zipper of that one is broken. Nevertheless the memory created in my brain that day remains in there still. Like a jewel. I got that jewel reference from one of the Daggerspell books by Katherine Kerr (don’t remember which one as there are 16 or more) I think those books are great and the writing is excellent and the Deverry world is a wonderful to visit when travelling in the imagination (by reading).
Speaking of which: My wife and child are in France right now, leaving me with all the animals and I don’t like being alone so I play WoW with my friend and also there’s the dog. I love my dog.
Today I wanted to watch Donnie Darko but couldn’t find it so instead I’m watching Lost in Translation except I’m not really looking cause I’m writing this.
There are many negative thoughts up in my head now with all the stuff going on but suddenly from my playlist came that J LO album: Brave. It fills me to the brim with the will to muddle through and straighten my back up and push through with the stone face and grit !!!😤
Such a great album that is, brings back memories from Barrens from about fifteen years ago back when I was a blue nosed raptor riding restoration shaman troll and this album was released. Those were simpler times.
Think this album is such a great one; about first of all not judging other people (specifically Jennifer Lopez herself) (mile in these shoes), and besides from that it’s a very strong love album, think it might’ve been when she was still together with Marc Anthony, still high on those love hormones.
It’s just also a great proof that you don’t have to have a very good singing voice to produce a masterpiece album. Surely that’s inspiring.
Anyhow my big monitor broke yesterday, just like that. As if I didn’t have enough shit to deal with, so I went to nearby Radio electronic store and bought me a 17” with HDMI plug, which was actually pretty good cause like I said I tried WoW Classic with my friend yesterday, as alliance 🤨. A night elf druid I killed a bunch of spiders and it wasn’t very fun, but it felt appropriate to have such a small screen cause that’s such an old game.
Enjoying the weather outside alot the temperature doesn’t feel anything. 18°c is the Optimum temperature.
Listening to Rammstein because it it’s semi angry music which fits my mood perfectly. The lewd lyrics a don’t feel quite right, however, considering them being in some sex scandal I’m not too familiar with. Fleischgewehr is still a funny word to use.
I did mow the lawn and ah, yes, there was another round of layoffs during my vacation, don’t think there’ll be anyone left except the Indians hired to replace us. They seem like nice enough people. It just is all fucked up.
I sure don’t regret my decision to leave even though it was a tough call to make.
It wasn’t tough at all.
I’m the one who’s tough, sitting in the optimum weather listening to Rammstein singing about „Blitzkrieg mit dem Fleischgewehr“.
It feels good to be sad sometimes to let the feelings out through your eyes and thus decrease the pressure somewhat.
I’ve eaten nachos today. I’ve got mixed feelings about nachos: they taste good but also they taste bad.
I was back at work today and it was just as boring as I remember it. Went straight from cloud SQL dashboard into terraform and now there’s a Postgres database which we’re gonna put the schema on tomorrow. Progress is slow because I’ve got a low motivation.
I’ve neglected the lawn which needs mowing. I’ll do that tomorrow.
maybe.
That’s all I can think of right now. I’ll write something better tomorrow
The topics on my mind are such that they are uncomfortable to write about and to think about.
First one is my sister has ghosted me and turns out to be very strange in a bad way.
Second one is the end of vacation which feels ok, because there are three more weeks and then I start the new one., but it makes me think of my job about to quit: I quit the old one because I do not like at all the way they laid my friends off during a big recession, and even though of course they were related, it still was done badly and in a very bad way. They should’ve fired the new boss instead, who thinks he has to explain to us the difference between work and family (it’s the pay he says). I don’t enjoy seeing my friends getting fired, some of them had worked there for decades, loyally guiding the office through hardships, going above and beyond and whatnot being rewarded for their loyalty with a severance package. I value loyalty and friends a lot and therefore I felt the need to take my top performance elsewhere, even though it pays less, because money isn’t everything and I can afford to be poorer.
Anyhow: Both of these things have been sources of anxiety and I think it was cruel of my sister to just exclude me from her life because I’ve been struggling to keep our relationship alive for years and feel like an idiot that it took me this long to realise that she don’t want anything to do with me.
I don’t like to feel like an idiot when I’m fact I’m of at least around average intelligence.
I’m in a pleasant mood. There was this hunk of aged goat cheese which I ate a while ago which I’m feeling in the inside of my stomach right now: It’s like a small candle of happiness burning in there even after eaten. That’s pretty spectacular.
Cheese is a great invention with many uses and variations, (arguably even more versatile than the potato because you can eat it with or without mold. (Potato gratin is a perfect five star dish: a union of the best of the animal world and the best vegetable.))
I was setting up a new iPad today, it’s an experience which makes me very angry for all the hoops and authentications and of course I’ve forgotten my password and of course the new one I set could not have three consecutive numbers and it can’t have all caps either. Then also the two factor authentication got stuck in a loop making me angrier with each iteration. Sitting staring down on that fool thing feeling like some super idiot waiting for it to complete the various stuff and the end it’s much like the old iPad except with an USB-C connector and it can actually charge so there’s that.
It’s been like you can tell a very contrast rich day: first that debacle with the iPad and now this cheese experience.
I’ve been considering playing wow classic with that friend from my youth I was writing about earlier. I love playing as a healer. I love healing people. Healing, healing and resurrecting them if need be. I used to be a resto shaman: a troll with a big blue nose and tusks, but my friend and his friend (who is also my old friend) play alliance and I’ve always, always played as horde so it could be too big of a leap for me. We shall see. Like why would anyone want to play alliance when you can be a troll with tusks riding a raptor in barrens?
Finally I’ve spent most time these days building that thing and I really love carpentry and all of the power tools and saws which I do use even though I see on them how insanely dangerous they are. It’s funny to me how I use more mathematics when building than I do when programming for a living?!