The happy place

Hello let’s put this down so I don’t forget:

Today a fly was crawling on the screen. It looked pretty fat and it was so slow and dry. Some flies they become sluggish and dry. I am not sure why but I think it’s towards the end of their lives as normally you cannot pinch them, they are too fast, and they’ve got a healthy sheen like oil whereas this fly was dry and matte like it was dead already. This one was dry and I only noticed because I’d crumpled him or her between my fingers as I was looking on the screen at some workflow or other such semi interesting task. Absentmindedly.

I don’t even remember taking it in the first place.

The other spooky experience was that another dead, albeit not dry, fly was in my coffee cup. I almost swallowed it, but I didn’t.

This is probably a bad omen, how else could this be interpreted?

And now with all of the snow I don’t expect there to be this many flies.

However, they are pollinators and type of a natural janitor who are instrumental to the natural nature and life cycles.

Oh man !!! First of all the jogging I regretted immediately but I plowed on literally, because of the snow which ofttimes were to my knees. That’s why I settled for a 5km round today. When on the road clear of snow for the final stretch it felt like flying. I couldn’t find nothing I wanted to listen to, which was surprising, not even modern talking. That’s a strange situation. It’s maybe because of unpleasant weather and shorter than average duration that I was unable to enter “the Zone”.

Another strange situation is the reactions to Elon musks blatant Hitler greeting the other day, that he was in fact awkwardly waving enthusiastically??!, come on man! I guess the case is that if you want it to not be true badly enough then nothing can convince you, I mean come on man?! True that he was enthusiastic, maybe from a dopamine kick of performing a forbidden greeting??! What was interesting to me to see was how some prominent thinkers chalked it off like that. An awkward wave.

It’s the rich inner workings of the human being, how we can just ignore facts which are threatening to our inner construct of reality. It’s in the DNA maybe,?? In the human DNA? A coping mechanismus.

I don’t know but I see with my eyes and have been taught (by reading books) the importance of facing harsh truths.

I’m on the train, man. Is a deep blue not black out there and I haven’t seen no moon as the darkness came pretty quickly and I cannot see thru the ceiling. Can’t remember if it was dark when I got on the train and therefore I’ve not seen the moon. Can’t see through the ceiling .

I’ve worked at the office and now I’m going home. They all love me for some reason, it’s cause I moved a few points from INT to CHR when I created my character but why did I create a male? That’s strange. I probably didn’t have a choice. I probably was just how the gene Tombola worked and now I’m doing the best I can given the circumstances. I am beautiful in a wabi sabi type of way I think: I am perfect in this flawed way I think; and wouldn’t change a single thing. Do you believe in fate? Sometimes I think I’d make a very great philosophy student.

The last knife fighter had on his bio:

The Last Knife Fighter is a Texas born songwriter, poet and freelance philosopher. Known for his unique gravely voice and multi-layered writing style, [ … ]

Love that description.

Of yeah they’d also heard that HelloWorld.java song at work and they did do did like that one just as much as I do. There was I felt a sense of community then and I felt warmth towards these people.

What else would you like to know?

Something negative? Shall I try to avoid being toxic positive?

I fucken hate YAML.

I’m on the train. There’s darkness deep blue not black out the window, and sometimes there are brilliant flashes of light that’s got to do with that power line overhead somehow sending sparks.

I’m listening to that „Ghost“ track off Jon Schaffers’ favourites playlist, „Genesis“. It’s a good one. The Witcher or der Hexer book I’ve put down for now. I can see why these books are so popular.

When I woke up this morning I was clueless. Didn’t know what day it was or why I was waking up etc, which all was very unsettling, but soon I came to my senses and now I’m on the train.

Is on my way to the office but again I’ve forgotten my access fob and frankly speaking I’ve no clue where it is.

I’ve got too many keys and passwords and 2FA it’s like I’ve given up in that regard and they keep rotating them and even the password managers’ passwords are put into other password managers with 2FA.

I watched this anime with my daughter, dang dang rumpa or some shit like that, and the guy there he said that “being positive is the only thing I’ve got going for me” and I found that very funny.

Should I write about the moon? Yes: like a week of brilliant full moon evenings, nights and mornings it’s significant.

I fucken hate YAML

Hello

I'm not asleep. The unwinding failed. Just as I were almost sleeping I might've dreamed I thought that I was slipping on ice and jolted to a wide awake state. (It's caused by the full moon today which lay partially hidden behind some black gray clouds. An awesome sight.)

I'm now thinking about the dream I had with the foldable car (which looked like a mix of a car from downtown abbey and a modern car). It disappointed me I think because whenever I was young and was looking for a parking spot I had this fantasy of a car which could be folded into a suitcase. Instead the problem solved itself as I moved to a rural area. But still it was a disappointment nonetheless.

The ugly hen is indeed ugly. It's fascinating how rich personalities these chickens have. One of the turkeys she used to nibble at the others’ feathers and that's how come the ugly one got uglier: she looks ready for the oven. (She's (the turkey) stopped with the nibbling, which wasn't due to protein deficiency as she is the beautiful one with ice cream white coat). That's not what makes the ugly hen ugly either. Not primarily: She and her sister used to be outcasts: They would roost all day and night at the neighbours’ from fear as they were never integrated to the flock there (they were attacked on sight) and so we brought them home. One would think such trauma would create a sense of humility and understanding but she was the meanest to the two hatchlings (unless you count the one beautiful lesbian turkey “the angel maker” who literally tried to kill them). It's an outlet for some people and chickens that: to just pass the trauma on, or if you choose the path of light (which I try to do) you try to break the circle ❤️, by eating the red pill so to speak, or more accurately to walk the narrow path. Anyhow that's why she's ugly I think. Of course she's got good sides too. Chickens are complex like that.

Finally I got a new shot at that code test and made a pretty clever solution I think. That's a funny reflection that some days, my brain seems unable to compute the most trivial tasks, like there's a soft lockup in there or something. Other days I feel like a mental Bazooka. Just look at this post for example.

Indeed.

Hello !!

The moon shone big and yellow and moreover it was triple the usual size.

This happened a few days back but I’ve not written about it until now because I’ve not had anything else to write about.

I’ve had too much up in the head and have been absent minded. I shut the night light for the therapists my chickens and closed them in automatically so I went back later and it was already dark in there and closed. I’d already done that. Like an automaton. I counted thirteen feathered beasts. They are all beautiful (except one).

thirteen is an ominous number indeed.

Thirteen chickens, giant moon. It’s some cause for unease which might serve to explain my absent mindedness, being as I am and have said before attuned to the moon and the spiritual realm and such like.

💭

I’ll unwind now.

Headache Sunday, the apples were brown inside. However, the moon shone full and bright like a night lamp out there! Out there, the air was and is fresh, but cold. A bone chilling cold which you die in for sure if you lose consciousness out there for some reason, maybe from a falling tree branch or a brown apple which knocks you out or something.

I’ve been experimenting with some alternative career paths and there was this test where basically you should count adjacent nodes on a grid etc, but I got some type of brain fart, maybe cause of a time aspect and it didn’t turn out very well. There was this show on the TV when I was a child, on there a guy he was going to paint some graffiti on his girlfriend’s wall in her room, but it turned out very badly, looked like shit. He said it was because of the cap. The cap I presume from the spray can, but I’m not sure as I’ve only used such colours to paint my 486 PC gold when I was young. He must’ve felt some similar pressure or something, I think, and now it’s sort of stuck up there, in the head; How I should’ve done it differently and neater. And most of all that it’s not at all a very complex problem.

Now it’s stuck in the brain compartment of embarrassing and/or unpleasant memories and failures which surface when you least expect them, sending a shiver through the system.

I had an interesting dream which is not very clear unfortunately. It was something with high (as in on high altitude like in a tree or a mountain) colourful buildings like huts and people living in there and there were superpowers and people could fly. The flying people were also colourful and smaller with proportions like from a cartoon but still serious, and I punched holes in the wall to create windows and it was some adventure aspect and when I woke up I wanted to go back to sleep to continue dreaming but there was a nonspecific scary aspect to the dream with something with mandibles which I think is from the Witcher book spilling into my dream.

Compared to that, the day was rather bland if not unpleasant.

And the little dog bites me.

haven’t been able to write really because I’ve been watching downtown abbey and of course this taught and teaches me a lot about the aristocracy. Like how useless they were, can’t do nothing without a servant? Don’t do nothing useful just having tea, arranging bazaars and picnics. And yet also aloof. It’s an interesting contrast with a strong dissonance between their perception of reality and reality itself which teaches a valuable lesson I think.

Mhmm

America didn’t have much of an aristocracy in the same sense, not like in Europe, but instead I’ve seen or heard about some people of fine breed who spend all day clueless but still expecting to be obeyed filling out useless blueprints in confluence.

Anyhow enough about that can’t write more now, his lordship is disappointed with (can’t say won’t spoil) who has taken a (presumably) romantic interest in a mere school teacher far below his station!!

That much is not to spoil I think; his lordship is disappointed at something in every episode.

I dreamt that we were going out into the night in a big city to go to a pub or a bar. I was with a friend and we were going to meet up with some people including my mum and my sister, and as my friend was talking to one of them to arrange where to meet, as he or she was hanging up, they mentioned another place in a different part of town, thereby creating an ambiguity.

We went by subway to one of the places. It was dark outside and wet. The bar where we were going to meet up looked cave like as if it’d been blasted out of the rock and had a yellowish paint in the ceiling.

They weren’t there.

As I bent over to talk to someone at the table next to us, I hit my head on a recess in the yellowish rock like ceiling and when I looked back to where my friend used to sit, he or she was no longer there.

I was alone.

Then I woke up real quick for a toilet break from the dreaming.

The next dream w was that we had four cars. One of them could be folded so as to take up less space.

It was a slight disappointment when walking up to realise that the foldable car didn’t really exist.