This here is the space into which I put some of the thoughts which have been gathering inside my head. Mostly mundane stuff as I am not that original
I’m angry and on edge like a strung bow!!! Like that song, you know, the one with 50 cent; “Don’t push me”: (I aim straight for your head, so don’t push me). That’s a great track! 50 cent has a knack for writing straightforward lyrics.
Anyway, I’m feeling this way cause there’s too much yin or yang in relationship to the yang or yin: to find balance in life is all about walking a narrow path like on a knife’s edge, and should you lose your footing and sprain your ankle then you become irate and on edge. This is a metaphor I often use metaphors like I said before to paint a powerful picture (another metaphor).
The little dog is having a relapse into puppyrty and he’s been shitting and peeing all over the floor today but we love one another still, that’s what love is, you know? It’s that unconditional love between man and dog it’s a bond strong like steel.
I’ll use a lot of methaphors in my next book which is about the conflict between good and evil, a fascinating subject because like I use to say they are sometimes hard to distinguish. Sometimes impossible.
Man, it’s cheering me up to think about what a great book it’ll be
Even though it’s summer outside, the evenings are bright and it’s the season where everything comes to life. Even though there’s hardly any moon to see, there are signs and such for those observant enough; like yesterday my dog, the red dog, she shat out a sad smiley :(
Ominous
There’s that oppressive feeling with the weather: rain and chill winds, and also: the sad smiley made of shit.
Indeed this brings me to the next subject: that darker Side of me; all people have a devil whispering which I’ve told about before and today outside a middle school I took out a red gym and put in there a frustrated rat with a sick read gleam in its vicious little eyes. There likely was a young child who had the gun before me but I payed no heed.
Ok weekend what to do in the rain? What do you do when it rains? I’ve got wet feet from all of the puddles I’ve stepped in with my sneakers.
I’ve neglected my Pokémons today. It’s been a day full of work and I’ve done the laundry and my wife she’s not here so I’ve got to also walk the dogs and like I said do some work which today meant hours of meetings where I interject some profound stuff to the mix, like some observations and shit, just like that.
Speaking of shit, I’ve read some shit lately (today) that you should be thankful and not complain as long as there are people worse off than you (in essence), which is always the case: some poor fuck has to eat dung to survive and may also have the measles, but that sad fact should in no way shape or form invalidate your own tragedies and the hurt that you may carry and which might shape you slightly off center. The feelings inside do not need to be justified and are valid and yeah that’s feels so good to have that off my chest.
Of course to me the above is obvious but I’ve got a philosophers mind. A hobby philosopher with a big heart.
💓
Have you heard the? Born again pessimist by architects it goes like this:
I don't wanna talk too much, I'm never gonna stop, yeah, I love this crutch
So if I kiss the ground, don't look 'round, God, bless my big empty heart
That’s pretty profound man I love music it’s in my DNA like water
I had prepared a post about Torx screw heads and that I was baffled that in this day and age that they still make the regular + and – screw heads which I always seem to break.
Then I thought screw that who wants to read that sort of stuff?
I’m living in the city during weeks now, counting down the days to summer break and to retirement.
I enjoy being able to buy the bakery bread in the mornings and to be looking at other things besides trees when running. Sometimes I saw roe deer, but now instead it’s people I see. And some cars and houses and the waters.
Humans are drawn to the water.
I haven’t got much clothes suitable for civilised life no more I think. The clothes I do have of the fancier variety have shrunk since covid somehow and now they are all too tight, especially my leather jacket.
I don’t enjoy being fat but with the beard I resemble a troll in a handsome way, like, or else a hagrid archetype styke sort of.
Which is cool I guess.
Ok I’ll write more soon I promise.
Ok I’ve been moving this week. To the big city. Have been playing Pokemon GO. There’s one sad thing about it do you know? Boss Arlo stood outside of the church for for hours in the rain waiting to be challenged with his frustrated pokemon, but I had beat him already and needed only Cliff so there he stood waiting but we did just pass him by. He did even try to challenge from his air balloon which implies there are two of him or more.
We all been having the cold the covid 19++ or something was completely brutal
But soon is a weekend
I don’t care about it for some reason
Ok thanks for listening 👂 it’s been a rough couple of weeks but yet I see a glimmer of hope I always reach for the light.
being positive is the only thing which keeps me going
It does take some getting used to, not having any poultry out there in the coop. There’s no use making a little bit too much pasta no more, just to feed them the surplus, as they are no longer here. I will have to toss it in the compost.
It’s sad because they were the best therapists but now they have moved on and so have we and that marks a new chapter of my life and it feels ok.
The new apartment is next to a Poke Gym I can spin it while at the toilet so that’s pretty cool I think. But it’s much work to get it (the apartment) in a good shape, but I’ve never been afraid of hard work, in fact hard work is how I got to level 43 in the first place.
I have gotten a cold. It’s being handled by my superior constitution right now and I can only picture how it would be for a normal person to have such a fearsome cold!! as this one.
It feels like something inside of me has withered and died but that means that it will only provide sustenance for what will come up there next.
First there was an uninteresting part with some teenagers I do not think worth mentioning but I will do it anyway because dreams might contain powerful symbolism which could be hard for the naked brain to comprehend at first and what we chalk off as trivial might be really important stuff.
So: A kitchen. My late grandmothers kitchen except it was not. It was at my mum’s house. There were smoke as if from a smoke machine in there, and the room was full of obnoxious teenagers. Maybe the type of teenagers who might have some parents who are famous in the culture sphere, because they had that telltale condescending attitude and so forth. They were there and answered sarcastically to every comment and one told me he got in trouble at school for playing a condyloma song, and they were walking around in there and dancing.
Then I went to my late grandmothers derelict house next door. The house I grew up in. (I haven't been there since even before my grandmother died), as I did enter the familiar hallway I was met with an overpowering smell of cat urine and death, so next thing I knew I was sitting in the grass outside crying uglily (as in making ugly sounds). This part upset me so much that I woke up. The stench of the smell in the dream I could still picture it vividly after waking up.
The dream started with that a guy at work quit. He just disappeared. A really senior network guy. A top expert.
A boss type; tall and slim with hair full of styling gel combed backwards asked if I was the stand in for him, which apparently I was. He then proceeded to ask a series of questions I didn’t have a clue about (to put me on the spot) and on the webserver a cryptic Dropwizard error page appeared.
It felt as though I was exposed. I wasn’t hired to be no network expert so I ended up in a type of trap. Then later in the conference room, one modern expensive looking type with glass doors and glass walls suddenly caught fire, but I put it out with the fire extinguisher I always carry on me.
Then, sitting in the cab of my Scania lorry, there were three black rat like beasts with sawtooth teeth who also resembled fishes came one by one into the truck through the closed door (because they could go through walls) and tried to attack, but I grabbed the first one and put it into the other one’s maw, shoved it in fully, and then shoved also that one in a similar fashion into the third thus double stuffing it. There was a zipper at its mouth, I zipped it shut with the other beasts caught inside each other in there and tossed it all out through the window of the lorry’s cab. It landed far below like ten meter down right next to a brown puddle.
Finally at home I saw the same Dropwizard error page at home and then I realised that the sleazy new boss tried to set me up and to sabotage for me.
Listening to I think band of horses in the headphones.
Have been having what I believe is an EMO mindset lately 🖤,
Been selling off the chickens now only the turkeys remain.
Soon they’ll be gone too
Not gone, like as in disappeared from the face of earth but rather sold to someone or other.
been laddering in hearthstone battlegrounds and I’m a 7k rating bracket player now.
I’ve picked up Pokemon GO again. I’m 2M xp short of level 44. I caught a cute one today, like a chubby ice shark dragon type. It’s owned by Saudi Arabia now is it? Pokémon GO?
There’s also been several fits of allergy with headaches and nosebleed and sneezing which doesn’t make sense but somehow is cured by jogging so I do that and also play pokemon on the route and listen to music to that dwarf metal band to Windrose and I take the opportunity by listening to the lyrics to learn a lot of dwarf lore from various universes like there’sa wealth of knowledge in there it makes me giddy. Giddily spitting snot blood on the mud track with my Pokémon go phone in one hand slowly jogging in the cool spring sun. Must’ve been an awesome sight to behold.
We’re alive and that’s what’s most important. The most important thing.
There are waves of emotions.
I feel sorry for all of those who get voted out first from Bachelor, like they didn’t even get one single rose in there. That’s a type of sadness humans can grasp, which isn’t always the case with war and such. It’s too absurd. And Black Death. It’s like how we can know 30k for a park bench is expensive however some people pay millions for dysfunctional IT systems. Some rich folks earn billions. Some
It’s a world of a scope which is too big to grasp for most people , I think. For me it is so atleast I know (barely) of myself only, and therefore I can’t speak for others though I know too that I’m not so special or original; therefore others have been feeling this and thinking this for thousand years or more. Perhaps.
Also therefore it’s sometimes hard to justify feeling sad sometimes I think cause there’s always some poor fucker who’s worse off. Almost.
Still these past weeks have been and are heavy to bear. Like the old old life is falling to pieces I have yet to mend and it will look differently after this it will be wabi sabi.