The happy place

I am enjoying my time off

There’s no snow, but a thin layer of frost is covering the land, giving the fields the impression of a badly shaped princess cake, were the marzipan brownish yellow instead of green.

The sun shines brightly however, and today the moon sickle was thin like on the flag of some Muslim country, and the sky was pink and purple

And pure white smoke rose from chimneys of the factories as we passed them in our 2015 volvo, which with it’s diesel engine, social democratic red colours, and inside coated with dog fur felt like an accidental statement compared to the teslas and polestars crowding the treacherous roads, slick with ice.

And in my heart I felt OK

WE are alone in the hotel lobby, drinking coffee with the dogs, although they are not drinking coffee, only my wife and I.

Outside, the black sky is full of stars, because this is the darkest day.

We’d just been out with the dogs in this quaint little town with its wooden houses and cobbled streets, even in the darkness this is an ideal place to shoot some children’s show, like you would expect to see Pippi Longstocking out there, except the streets were empty. Not even a car could be heard.

The hotel is mostly vacant, like in a dream or something, but there are other people here, because the tiered stand, which yesterday was full of homemade candy now stands empty; in fact I ate the last one yesterday on my way back from my yearly meeting with my father in an Indian themed restaurant which played classical music.

He said he had the best day in decades and that was a fine thing to hear.

To my left is a big Christmas tree.

I am really feeling it.

The darkest day of the darkest year in a long time of my life, my family’s too.

It felt like this is the turning point.

I am pretty sure it is.

To my great surprise, today the sun is shining on an almost cloudless turquoise sky.

Almost.

I inhale deep gulps of fresh air.

We are together yet again in the red Volvo. I sit with the dogs in the backseat feeling the sun through the windows.

We are going to my sister.

In reality my sister-in-law.

But when you’re an adult, you get to choose your family.

So I did.

Today

I feel great!

One more day of work before the holidays.

And it feels pretty good!

I’m grounded today. Looking back at it, I think my last few days, no: year has been one truly of turmoil. I was been turned inside out, then twice!! So back as it were to my original shape

But wrinkled

And some of me still is in the filter of this tumbler or the dryer.

Wrinkled but with the sweater now clean, dry, and turned the right way, I gently stretch my back to stand erect

The sweater all warm.

It used to be blue and gray, but now it’s almost red!!

I’ve met a lot of interesting people during my travels

I’ve even been to England, I saw some tourists there, whereas I was there for business

Once in Germany I even drank beer from a giant glass shoe, maybe one litre, just like Cinderella.

I’ve been to America too, but I don’t recommend.

I didn’t know what ”smog” was before. Still not sure.

Actually, I don’t like travelling unless it’s to Norway.

But on all of these places, shines the same moon

And in Canada once, I ate poutine

That was remarkable.

And there was a giant waterslide, which I saw in a mall.

It was winter there. In Canada (although in the mall it’s all the same)

It doesn’t matter

I have been a few times to Paris

The french are role models

There were poor beggars eating cucumbers from glass jars in the park outside the Eiffel Tower

In Italy there were bad memories of a broken family, my father got blisters on his feet.

Long ago.

I like Greece more than italy

I felt like Theseus once when we were at Crete, but the minotaur was long gone.

It’s the same sky there

There are corpses in the Mediterranean Sea

In Finland they frequently drink beer for lunch, or I did anyway

Now it’s late but I haven’t slept good

I am awake

Haunted, some might say, by the thousands of recurring thoughts which shoot through my brain like…

Like some type of moons or even electrons just following their predetermined trajectories

When I close my eyes, they grow louder

Even though there is no air up there for the sound to travel in.

It’s just a phase.

I am an electron and a moon or even a planet just following my own trajectory too

When I get closer to the sun

I will almost appear to be shining

How delusional are they at school for expecting the children to feel enthusiastic about biology

When they don’t even want to be at school in the first place

When they weren’t even asked

To be put into this world

To be put into school

How can you expect enthusiasm of all things?? Under such circumstances

I remember when we had Reading at school

There were serious authors who wrote about one thing while meaning another

And none of these were of any interest to me

Why would I care about what it means to be a human,

They smothered my fire

And put on there a bucket of water

There were years before the fireplace of my soul was dried enough to light the flames anew!!

With whatever sustenance

Whatever

Conan the cimmerian pleae

And now I like this author they made me read about in my youth

Despite going to school

Most of my accomplishments in life are despite having gone to school

No not ”thanks to”

And NO

I’m not thankful for school

I know not everyone has this privilege

It’s maybe just me

Like a letter

In the postal terminal

Getting stuck in the sorting machine

Because it didn’t quite fit

Ripped to shreds

Hello!

There were mice feces on the bed

On the carpet

They’ve moved in in our absence, but the cats are there now!

The cats!

That’s brutal, because mice are beautiful in their own tiny ways

And cats too are beautiful in their somewhat, but still small

Ways

But brutal hunters

Such is the

Duality of life, and

The duality of having dual homes, but only one family to occupy them

There’s an imbalance

But effort is a

Finite resource

You cannot put it everywhere

There’s always trade-offs

The trade offs

sometimes you can put put the cats only

For example

👋 hello

👋

It’s been Monday again.

And a rainy one too.

Now the snow is gone, gravel on the wet sidewalks looks like they’ve put poppy seeds on there although bigger and not on bread.

But on sidewalk…

I’m feeling today: 200 years old!

Another work day done, gaining some valuable insights and experience. I picture it a big cross-stitched embroidery; every day I add another cross to there:

An awesome sight.

I show it to peope and claim that it’s abstract art.

It’s colourful, but the aida cloth underneath has got holes in it, it’s also right now gray: I’m stitching to cover a gray part with too many holes, using a bright yellow, because it is almost — but not — gold.

There’s something nice about even a dirty cloth which isn’t perfect can have embroidery just like that

It’s beautiful even though right now my fingers are bleeding and my eyes are sore from embroidering

It takes more than will, and embers

It takes discipline I think

Especially on the gray

It is unnatural with rain in winter.

Is wrong.

The roads slick with ice; dangerous.

The wet and cold is a deadly combination.

The folding chair had a pool of water in it, even as it stood in the heavy wet snow.

And the sky wasn’t black or blue, but rather almost a dirty whiteish gray

But it was bright

, why was it bright?

In a clearing on the dirty sky I saw the cool glow of the full moon

And I sat behind the fire, hearing the rain smattering against the roof of the lean-to in which we sat.

And in there; a friendship burning stronger even than the fire

With this unnatural weather as a backdrop

And the black forest in all directions

That was a very powerful moment

Even made stronger by the indecisive weather

And the strong cool glow of the moon