The happy place

There’s been a warm winter day with a big yellow sun today, and therefore I went out for a little bit.

Last night I dreamt we were driving some truck which had to be mended with a screw driver. It was maybe a tow truck or something, and then it jumped to another dream: It was cold and dark and we were some sort of bums lying on the ground. It was the type of concrete floor, not asphalt. There might have been puddles and the type of dirt found in parking garages. We were dirty also, and naked and were spooning under a wet and dirty blanket for warmth. The blanket was thick and light blue and made of polyester. Just as the dream was about to take an erotic twist, the dog woke me.

The situation is that since the small dog now has learned to jump out of the bed at night he will poo and pee on the carpet and/or floor and then jump back up. Because he is a puppy. To thwart him we did remove the thing which is a type of furniture put at the foot side of the bed which the dogs can use as an intermediary step up and down between floor and bed. Anyway we moved it so that he’d wake us instead so we can let him do the shit outside. That works🥂. The problem is now that the slightly bigger dog can get down from the bed anyway, but she can’t get back up again. So she stays by the foot of the bed barking until we let her back up. Don’t know what she has in mind to do in the middle of the night. No clue what goes on in her little dog head sometimes but I do love her nonetheless.

I can’t believe it’s Sunday again.

I’ve got feelings and they are very mixed it’s that feeling of a tornado or a swirl like a vortex and it’s inside but the cool thing is that seen from the outside, I look ice cold.

Stone cold.

I downloaded the Civ VII for my wife. She plays a lot of civ. I used to I would play and beat it at deity on a large map on Civ V and Civ VI (the huge one unfortunately is slow between turns end game), and that’s possible only because the AI is so bad at waging war. For me at least. I’m not an expert I do not focus on every detail and I hate micro management end game with espionage; it’s barely tolerable. It’s enough to keep an eye on the other Civ’s yields and try to be above that. Also that from the point in time where it’s clear I’ll win to the point I do win is excruciating with sabotaged rockets and shit. Just a chore. And also irksome idiot AI dialogues.

Nevertheless it’s a great game series. maybe best ones ever made according to me.

speaking of which, it’s fascinating to see how spineless the corporate America is, isn’t it? everyone all companies flew the LBGTI++ flag and would strive for gender equality and inclusive programs etc., but as soon as they get a new president over there, all of that is forgotten. It would be funny if it wasn’t so utterly depressing.

I’ve got a strong spine and a big heart and a vortex inside.

I could see the moon yesterday, it was peeking through an opening among the clouds, and it shone so strong and the light was reflected on the snow which made the whole thing glitter. It was the type of situation which is the closest a vampire can ever get to daylight.

And I’ve said it before that I do love glitter it’s my favourite colour.

If gold is a colour, then so is glitter.

Gold is my favourite colour.

The day before the sky was lit green from the aurora borealis

And seeing all of that stuff is just great.

Aurora borealis green is my favourite colour.

Another thing: there’s a thin layer on snow on the cars they look like powder sugared it’s just all very nice.

Ok

So all of this was nice and it was nice to share the chair with my cat today when playing the computer game. She didn’t wanna move so I had to sit on it with the tip of my ass so I wouldn’t disturb her sleep, and the little dog was on the other side. He’d just peed on the carpet again.

Hey did you ever heard of fidget spinners? You know? I got a yellow/black one (not black/yellow), which I do use for fidgeting and spinning and sometimes I even balance it on my nose.

It’s better than nothing.

#poetry

Hello. 🙋‍♂️

Please hang in there.

Okay.-

👌 It will get better.

---

ok I’m at home since a few days. That’s the best part of travelling, to come back home. It’s not perspective or anything, because I know all this (that’s why avoid it). I have that perspective. Maybe for the dogs then (if they need some perspective): they were very excited to see me, and I was happy to see them too. I love them. and I’d bought some cool goth stuff for my daughter which I was excited to show her. I love her too. It was this cool pentagram t-shirt and some necklaces with coffins and such stuff. Really cool. The people in the store looked very cool too with a goth style and were very friendly. And of course it felt great to see my wife too. We were all happy to see each other. Except the cats, they didn’t care one way or the other.

Speaking of which:

My Polish friend is jealous that I get to read all of the Witcher books for the first time, and I am happy for that. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. It’s really great.

i like Kellerbier.

The other best thing about travelling is to take the train home, listening to Wind Rose and reading those books, with a coffee right there on the table and the land starting to get more and more familiar. And the darkness out there with the moon which I cannot see through the train ceiling, but which is there nonetheless. And the land out there, as it gets darker becomes also hard to see but I know what it is: snow on trees on either side and sometimes a house or two (with snow on too): I’m home.

And now it’s Sunday, what the duck? Like ok ok but what if I’m not ready for another week yet?

I guess there’s no getting ready for Mondays really, I’ll have to wing it.

Ok thanks for reading and 🙏 keep fighting!

I’m on the train again. Been on a business trip in a town called Hamburg. Now I’m going back home. I don’t like it, travelling. It’s just exhausting.

when going back to the airport I stopped first at a very small cafe and ordered a cappuccino. It cost €3,50 but there was a problem with card payments and such a low amount isn’t appealing for card payments anyhow, due to fees and such, so and anyway there was some problem, like I said, with the card payments anyway, so it wasn’t even an option right then, so

he did ask if I had cash, which I did. I did do have cash but only €2 because I found one coin. I didn’t think I had any cash but I did.

He said that that would do, because he was a follower of Jesus. He made a big caffe latte sized cappuccino with a small cookie beside it and he reiterated how Jesus saved him from drugs and womanising and that he wasn’t Muslim and that he tried to shoot himself in the head, but Jesus intervened and has been walking by his side now for 30 years. The man did also add that he did have a wife now and two children and he said that he hoped that I would go to heaven. And that the world was dangerous right now on the brim of chaos.

I think that it must’ve been Jesus who put that coin in my wallet maybe,?? Not sure but it was a pleasant exchange for sure. I hope he will go to heaven too.

Another very interesting anecdote was that we (one college from Sweden, one from Poland, two Germans and I) were talking about the world famous brand Glocken Gold which is (like I just wrote) a world famous EU registered multivitamin fruit juice. I didn’t bring it up; my college did, but I could emphasise how popular that juice is by telling one of my favourite anecdotes: that once before school, I was around 14-15 I drank a whole 1l juice carton for breakfast and then therefore shat my pants on the way to the bus, so turned back home. They loved the anecdote, it’s a good one. I’ve told it to my daughter too and she likes it so much she tells everyone except she’s changed it so instead of it’s me on the way to school, it’s me on the way to work, which is funny because it implies it could’ve been recently. Anyhow that is a good anecdote who they all just loved.

Finally another one of the two Germans he is a guy I like more and more the more I talk to him. He asked if I had heard this Italian Dwarven Power Metal band Wind Rose which I haven’t but now I have and I have been listening to them non stop it’s just awesome.

It’s like music to my ears.

Hello 🙋‍♂️

This world is a scary place is it not? It’s I read in this book* by Nick Harkaway, there’s someone in there died. Died. Then the world just had the gall to move on just like that, just like any other day with seagulls and everything all the details just like before. I also read something similar in a Paul Auster book once, can’t remember exactly the quote and I haven’t found it since, and I don’t remember the book either but it did strike a similar chord. That not only can the word irrecoverably alter (like someone dies), but yet at the same time it’s spinning just like before, so it would appear unaltered.

Death does not at all amuse me.

I can’t think about anything which would amuse me right now, last time we had tacos it wasn’t like before; the tastes and the whole thing didn’t live up to my expectations.

And yeah work’s been exhausting, the thing is that as we age the brain is relatively full, so that to learn new things we must have a type of defragmentation process running which is exhausting.

So the silly thing is that even though I’ve been exhausted, I’ve not been able to sleep really. Been like restless and I’ve been having a lot of thoughts up there.

\* there are many great books by Nick Harkaway but I didn’t or the title of the book there, because I’ll avoid spoilers. But some good books I can recommend are “the gone away world” and “tigerman”

Hi I’ve been drumming. Who cares?: it’s the type of thing other people likely aren’t interested in knowing, but I’ve bought some drums my wife got them for me. E-drums. and I got the double pedals.

I’m a musician now just another feather in the hat. It’s got so many feathers by now up there that you can’t even see that they are on a hat.

And I’ve got a big head. Looks like a chicken head with all of the feathers.

I’m gonna stop looking at the federated feed it’s just depressing. It’s the doomscrolling. It is depressing with the news also. Just shit news with shitty people doing shitty things and shit like that. Fuck that shit.

I’ll stop that I don’t think my phone is making me happy I’ll put it away now.

Hello! A guy at work long time ago was in a project, working as type of an instructor. He was going on site to a place called Asia, flying 11+ hours. To teach the client some stuff. The project manager denied his request to fly first class, he’d have to settle for economy plus, because it was out of budget. It was too expensive.

Then when he was boarding the plane, he spotted the very same project manager.

She was flying in the same plane.

First class.

What a society we live in isn’t it?

Hello let’s put this down so I don’t forget:

Today a fly was crawling on the screen. It looked pretty fat and it was so slow and dry. Some flies they become sluggish and dry. I am not sure why but I think it’s towards the end of their lives as normally you cannot pinch them, they are too fast, and they’ve got a healthy sheen like oil whereas this fly was dry and matte like it was dead already. This one was dry and I only noticed because I’d crumpled him or her between my fingers as I was looking on the screen at some workflow or other such semi interesting task. Absentmindedly.

I don’t even remember taking it in the first place.

The other spooky experience was that another dead, albeit not dry, fly was in my coffee cup. I almost swallowed it, but I didn’t.

This is probably a bad omen, how else could this be interpreted?

And now with all of the snow I don’t expect there to be this many flies.

However, they are pollinators and type of a natural janitor who are instrumental to the natural nature and life cycles.