Thinking about some different stuff like I’ve been very absent minded lately not really paying attention to what I do, sawing stuff the wrong way, not listening at meetings and so on. Think there are lots of stuff going on in my life, at work etc, which is still somewhat unclear and I’ll just need some time to digest.
I’ll go down to the office one final time next week to meet my friends, some for the last time (probably), and turn in the laptop and that’s not one minute too soon I reckon.
There was a third wave of “realignments“ this week. It is tough to see some of your friends lose financial safety, but humans are resilient creatures generally, so maybe in a year or two it’ll all be good for most of them. I hope.
I Had a friend. He lost his job last time there was a recession, must’ve been fifteen years ago, and I think he succumbed to the alcohol, but that was many years ago.
That’s the thing, not knowing which is the final straw before it all tips over. It think that if too many shitty things coincide, that that’s enough to send someone into the abyss. Some of them never come back, and if they do, they are never the same again: they might become stronger, but never without paying the terrible toll.
I feeling not OK .
But it’s just a low key sadness which has sunken its claws in me lately and I will persevere. I need the yang to feel the yin.
I’ve been playing some WoW Classic. My new monitor arrived to my door today. it’s got some RGB LED things going on on its backside, which is great cause I love blinking RGB light it’s festive.
I’m drinking Fanta.
Yesterday I watched falling down because I got reminded of that one when grocery shopping the other day, buying coffee, getting worked up about the coffee packages shrinking; suddenly they are all 10% smaller though yet they cost 20% more, also when not grocery shopping; in an email in which they call lay offs “realignmet”, usw. Anyhow, to be made redundant like that in all aspects of life like D-Fens (Michael Douglas) in that movie is a terrible thing, I think: that nobody needs you no more is just awful. Anyhow: really a great movie 1000% top notch and eerily relatable.
Anyhow the surprise RGB lights behind the monitor previously mentioned made me happy in a similar way that my Amorphis (the Finnish metal band) hoodie did when I discovered that the print on it’s front glows in the dark.
Now the zipper of that one is broken. Nevertheless the memory created in my brain that day remains in there still. Like a jewel. I got that jewel reference from one of the Daggerspell books by Katherine Kerr (don’t remember which one as there are 16 or more) I think those books are great and the writing is excellent and the Deverry world is a wonderful to visit when travelling in the imagination (by reading).
Speaking of which: My wife and child are in France right now, leaving me with all the animals and I don’t like being alone so I play WoW with my friend and also there’s the dog. I love my dog.
Today I wanted to watch Donnie Darko but couldn’t find it so instead I’m watching Lost in Translation except I’m not really looking cause I’m writing this.
There are many negative thoughts up in my head now with all the stuff going on but suddenly from my playlist came that J LO album: Brave. It fills me to the brim with the will to muddle through and straighten my back up and push through with the stone face and grit !!!😤
Such a great album that is, brings back memories from Barrens from about fifteen years ago back when I was a blue nosed raptor riding restoration shaman troll and this album was released. Those were simpler times.
Think this album is such a great one; about first of all not judging other people (specifically Jennifer Lopez herself) (mile in these shoes), and besides from that it’s a very strong love album, think it might’ve been when she was still together with Marc Anthony, still high on those love hormones.
It’s just also a great proof that you don’t have to have a very good singing voice to produce a masterpiece album. Surely that’s inspiring.
Anyhow my big monitor broke yesterday, just like that. As if I didn’t have enough shit to deal with, so I went to nearby Radio electronic store and bought me a 17” with HDMI plug, which was actually pretty good cause like I said I tried WoW Classic with my friend yesterday, as alliance 🤨. A night elf druid I killed a bunch of spiders and it wasn’t very fun, but it felt appropriate to have such a small screen cause that’s such an old game.
Enjoying the weather outside alot the temperature doesn’t feel anything. 18°c is the Optimum temperature.
Listening to Rammstein because it it’s semi angry music which fits my mood perfectly. The lewd lyrics a don’t feel quite right, however, considering them being in some sex scandal I’m not too familiar with. Fleischgewehr is still a funny word to use.
I did mow the lawn and ah, yes, there was another round of layoffs during my vacation, don’t think there’ll be anyone left except the Indians hired to replace us. They seem like nice enough people. It just is all fucked up.
I sure don’t regret my decision to leave even though it was a tough call to make.
It wasn’t tough at all.
I’m the one who’s tough, sitting in the optimum weather listening to Rammstein singing about „Blitzkrieg mit dem Fleischgewehr“.
It feels good to be sad sometimes to let the feelings out through your eyes and thus decrease the pressure somewhat.
I’ve eaten nachos today. I’ve got mixed feelings about nachos: they taste good but also they taste bad.
I was back at work today and it was just as boring as I remember it. Went straight from cloud SQL dashboard into terraform and now there’s a Postgres database which we’re gonna put the schema on tomorrow. Progress is slow because I’ve got a low motivation.
I’ve neglected the lawn which needs mowing. I’ll do that tomorrow.
maybe.
That’s all I can think of right now. I’ll write something better tomorrow
The topics on my mind are such that they are uncomfortable to write about and to think about.
First one is my sister has ghosted me and turns out to be very strange in a bad way.
Second one is the end of vacation which feels ok, because there are three more weeks and then I start the new one., but it makes me think of my job about to quit: I quit the old one because I do not like at all the way they laid my friends off during a big recession, and even though of course they were related, it still was done badly and in a very bad way. They should’ve fired the new boss instead, who thinks he has to explain to us the difference between work and family (it’s the pay he says). I don’t enjoy seeing my friends getting fired, some of them had worked there for decades, loyally guiding the office through hardships, going above and beyond and whatnot being rewarded for their loyalty with a severance package. I value loyalty and friends a lot and therefore I felt the need to take my top performance elsewhere, even though it pays less, because money isn’t everything and I can afford to be poorer.
Anyhow: Both of these things have been sources of anxiety and I think it was cruel of my sister to just exclude me from her life because I’ve been struggling to keep our relationship alive for years and feel like an idiot that it took me this long to realise that she don’t want anything to do with me.
I don’t like to feel like an idiot when I’m fact I’m of at least around average intelligence.
I’m in a pleasant mood. There was this hunk of aged goat cheese which I ate a while ago which I’m feeling in the inside of my stomach right now: It’s like a small candle of happiness burning in there even after eaten. That’s pretty spectacular.
Cheese is a great invention with many uses and variations, (arguably even more versatile than the potato because you can eat it with or without mold. (Potato gratin is a perfect five star dish: a union of the best of the animal world and the best vegetable.))
I was setting up a new iPad today, it’s an experience which makes me very angry for all the hoops and authentications and of course I’ve forgotten my password and of course the new one I set could not have three consecutive numbers and it can’t have all caps either. Then also the two factor authentication got stuck in a loop making me angrier with each iteration. Sitting staring down on that fool thing feeling like some super idiot waiting for it to complete the various stuff and the end it’s much like the old iPad except with an USB-C connector and it can actually charge so there’s that.
It’s been like you can tell a very contrast rich day: first that debacle with the iPad and now this cheese experience.
I’ve been considering playing wow classic with that friend from my youth I was writing about earlier. I love playing as a healer. I love healing people. Healing, healing and resurrecting them if need be. I used to be a resto shaman: a troll with a big blue nose and tusks, but my friend and his friend (who is also my old friend) play alliance and I’ve always, always played as horde so it could be too big of a leap for me. We shall see. Like why would anyone want to play alliance when you can be a troll with tusks riding a raptor in barrens?
Finally I’ve spent most time these days building that thing and I really love carpentry and all of the power tools and saws which I do use even though I see on them how insanely dangerous they are. It’s funny to me how I use more mathematics when building than I do when programming for a living?!
Once many years ago, in a previous chapter of my life, there was summer outside; sun shining pleasantly on the streets of the city in which I dwelled at the time.
For some reason I was tasked with setting up a HA FTP solution for some niche client need which I need not detail here, but I wanted an active/active setup because active/passive is a thing which I will always avoid if possible, because in my experience the one time you get to try whether the standby service is actually working is when the active one has failed. Unless of course you write runbooks on confluence which describes routines for regularly failing over in a controlled manner or some shit like that. I don’t like it.
So anyways I was of course something of a key person being as I am, a very (some would say) skilled sysadmin, so there was a high demand on my expertise and to fight the stress associated with the intense workload I regularly went to fitness classes. Preferably fitness dancing as I am somewhat of a dance savant in that I become one with the music. I love the fitness music it can be that song with Katy Perry; something something rythm or chandelier by Sia it something like that which I just love.
Anyway as I was dancing there, one with the music, suddenly it was like God himself from out of nowhere said to me to set the PASV port ranges differently on the ftp servers, and mirror that config in HAProxy and then that’s all there is to it.
Of course that might seem self evident, but the cool thing was that like I said it came out of nowhere and I had a similar revelation yesterday when looking at the new chicken coup extension: paint it like the chicken coup from which it protrudes, except the other way around: make the red things green, the green things white and the white things red.
We’ll see how it looks but it’s probably gonna look great.
I did try, but first I got some asthma coughs which woke me up like a fancy type of reminder to take the medicine. Furthermore my wife was snoring in such a way that it sounded just like the cat wanted out. But there was no cat when I got down to see, instead I saw that it was bright outside.
The beginning of a nice day.
Then finally a few hours later indeed the cat did want to go out and it sounded just like it did before.
Indeed.
Now instead of sleeping I’m thinking about a lot of stuff like I’m thinking about all of the stuff at the same time again. Happy thoughts mingled with worries and sad ones like a mix of so many different things, more like a sausage than a fruit salad.
Anyhow I’ve not much more to say; no great revelations or profound wisdoms to share unfortunately.
Now I’ll go try again to sleep, with the birds chirping and all of the bright light everywhere and the head I am not too sure I’ll succeed.