The happy place

Now it’s late but I haven’t slept good

I am awake

Haunted, some might say, by the thousands of recurring thoughts which shoot through my brain like…

Like some type of moons or even electrons just following their predetermined trajectories

When I close my eyes, they grow louder

Even though there is no air up there for the sound to travel in.

It’s just a phase.

I am an electron and a moon or even a planet just following my own trajectory too

When I get closer to the sun

I will almost appear to be shining

How delusional are they at school for expecting the children to feel enthusiastic about biology

When they don’t even want to be at school in the first place

When they weren’t even asked

To be put into this world

To be put into school

How can you expect enthusiasm of all things?? Under such circumstances

I remember when we had Reading at school

There were serious authors who wrote about one thing while meaning another

And none of these were of any interest to me

Why would I care about what it means to be a human,

They smothered my fire

And put on there a bucket of water

There were years before the fireplace of my soul was dried enough to light the flames anew!!

With whatever sustenance

Whatever

Conan the cimmerian pleae

And now I like this author they made me read about in my youth

Despite going to school

Most of my accomplishments in life are despite having gone to school

No not ”thanks to”

And NO

I’m not thankful for school

I know not everyone has this privilege

It’s maybe just me

Like a letter

In the postal terminal

Getting stuck in the sorting machine

Because it didn’t quite fit

Ripped to shreds

Hello!

There were mice feces on the bed

On the carpet

They’ve moved in in our absence, but the cats are there now!

The cats!

That’s brutal, because mice are beautiful in their own tiny ways

And cats too are beautiful in their somewhat, but still small

Ways

But brutal hunters

Such is the

Duality of life, and

The duality of having dual homes, but only one family to occupy them

There’s an imbalance

But effort is a

Finite resource

You cannot put it everywhere

There’s always trade-offs

The trade offs

sometimes you can put put the cats only

For example

👋 hello

👋

It’s been Monday again.

And a rainy one too.

Now the snow is gone, gravel on the wet sidewalks looks like they’ve put poppy seeds on there although bigger and not on bread.

But on sidewalk…

I’m feeling today: 200 years old!

Another work day done, gaining some valuable insights and experience. I picture it a big cross-stitched embroidery; every day I add another cross to there:

An awesome sight.

I show it to peope and claim that it’s abstract art.

It’s colourful, but the aida cloth underneath has got holes in it, it’s also right now gray: I’m stitching to cover a gray part with too many holes, using a bright yellow, because it is almost — but not — gold.

There’s something nice about even a dirty cloth which isn’t perfect can have embroidery just like that

It’s beautiful even though right now my fingers are bleeding and my eyes are sore from embroidering

It takes more than will, and embers

It takes discipline I think

Especially on the gray

It is unnatural with rain in winter.

Is wrong.

The roads slick with ice; dangerous.

The wet and cold is a deadly combination.

The folding chair had a pool of water in it, even as it stood in the heavy wet snow.

And the sky wasn’t black or blue, but rather almost a dirty whiteish gray

But it was bright

, why was it bright?

In a clearing on the dirty sky I saw the cool glow of the full moon

And I sat behind the fire, hearing the rain smattering against the roof of the lean-to in which we sat.

And in there; a friendship burning stronger even than the fire

With this unnatural weather as a backdrop

And the black forest in all directions

That was a very powerful moment

Even made stronger by the indecisive weather

And the strong cool glow of the moon

Usually my mind is potent, l I’ll just go grab a string of pearls from there

Like a necklace

Which I show to everybody’s delight

My brain

It used to be full of thoughts

But now there is nothing there

No strings of pearls.

It’s just like the inside of an empty oil barrel

And

I have no thoughts on that fact

But

But

From where then, would someone might ask that: why is this state of mind then so beautifully (arguably) described?

Do I have more barrels than one or something?

The silver full moon shines even through the clouds; illuminating them on the brownish blue night sky.

!!

And the frozen slush of molten dirty snow is blank and slippery — against the sky, however, it looks like it glimmers with gold.

And in the car it’s warm. And the dogs are warm.

And I have my family with me.

My whole world in this dark warm car.

Isn’t that something?

#poetry

Hello everyone

I’m feeling tense in the head, like there’s too much in there

There are spikes of doubt and nausea shooting through the brain like acid reflux leaving a headache in its wake

And yet I stand erect, feet planted firmly in the muck like a V.

It will be better up there, the molten gold I have pieced myself together with will solidify

That is part of my challenge: to stand firm like an adult

This is my reality: I see it clearly, but sometimes even I get acid reflux of the brain but I mustn’t move an inch until

The gold is solid

I cannot afford to fail

I cannot be wrong this time

This is all I have !

I

Hello I have been holding up and am a human with a panther T-Shirt on like this, the one I got from my Aunt.

It fits me like a sausage skin on a sausage. I Love it.

I was stood up front on the step class today and mostly nailed the choreography. I am particularly pleased that I made the swirls which I find the hardest usually. But today I felt like a swan!

I try to swirl through life’s obstacles with grace and dignity even though sometimes I stumble and fall, but when I do that it’s also somewhat graceful, because I always rise

And when I spread my wings and fly it feels great.

It feels great when I swirl

Saturday I spent sleeping on the blue sofa. I went out for some food, for the fitness dance, with the dogs, but always was pulled back to the sofa.

Today I’ll clean the apartment which I’d planned to do yesterday

It’s therapeutic they say. We will see about this.

I’ve made a playlist of great lyrics songs like Front 242 – quite unusual which is I think brilliant and of course always Fly on the windscreen

That is a powerful image they’ve made: the dead flies on the windscreen !! A more potent reminder to seize the day I have yet to see!!

And yet

Why did I spend all day yesterday on the sofa?