The happy place

The moon is shining down its energies on me. It’s the only celestial body visible on the dark blue almost black sky, but tonight this is just what I need.

The radiance of silver

I have been struggling with some uncomfortable realisations which are settling in. It hurts like hell, like there’s a broken bone which didn’t heal right in me, which now ruthlessly had to be re-broken in order to heal straight.

No wonder then, that I am at the brink of tears whenever this broken bone tries to support my weight.

But it will heal back stronger now.

Do you know the way some kickboxers kick against bamboo trees to strengthen their chins.

It’s like that almost.

The cool warmth of the moon on the blue almost black sky I have as a fixture in my head.

I use it to navigate this world which I didn’t know as well as I thought.

It’s never too late for a lesson on humility it seems.

I’m feeling OK it doesn’t feel that horrible it is not a horrible night to have a curse at all, but rather the darkness feels mild and the snow feels soft

And there are streetlights shining with warm glow , in place of the real stars which I know are up there although I cannot see them

And I see the sliver of a warm moon blazing up there

And I can’t believe its light is merely borrowed. Surely there’s more to it than that, when I can feel it charging my Lunar batteries this way.

I am closer to the spirit realm you see. I know some stuff…

And my back isn’t so crooked today.

And my feet are planted firmly on the ground like a V; like a cowboy. That’s how my skeleton looks (as in what it looks like. English isn’t my mother tongue (although some would be surprised by this)) , says my chiropractor.

And even though the kneecap is wobbly, my legs are strong. I feel them growing stronger from the cross training

And there are so many people shining their sunlight on me that when the tears come, it’s just the ice around my heart melting.

Hello friends! I am alive and I have completed another day without incident .

I did fitness which is a highlight there was a gym class with mostly middle aged women on the cross trainer and then immediately I went to another class , a pretty high intense class — I am doing cardio you see.

It’s a little bit of a life hack that I’ve learned, that by going to double classes there’s minimal overhead and laundry,

That’s pretty clever. I am pretty clever.

But it was hard, but hardships follows everyone everywhere it seems. They certainly are no strangers to me.

Come at me hardships I will stand ready to karate chop!!

You’ll never even tell from my sweat drenched face whether I am crying or not as I chop.

Nobody will know

Hello hello not only am i writing poetry, also I’m in the spirit of winter! The white blanket on the city !!

Dirtied!!

Treacherous snow!!

But yet at the same time it reflects the light from the sky to make it brighter overall

And here I sit brooding and contemplating.

Feeling pretty ok!!

Seizing the day you know…

For example I have been doing laundry, and I curse the gods that I can no longer smell the clean laundry and the fabric softener which sometimes open up a gateway to a happier state of mind.

But there are those worse off.

Like the elephant man!

Or the guy from Mask (1984) He wrote this poem too!! — In that movie with Cher, was it Cher? — That the sun shining on his face is both good and bad…

That was a touching movie?!

It really struck a chord it did.

Somehow I really like Cher too, the suggestive lyrics on ”Dark Lady” makes the goose bumps for real!

And to think even there’s a plot twist in there.

That’s pretty impressive for a song text.

And the smell, 👃 the strange perfume.

I also like drag me to hell by Sam Rami. I think it was.

Speaking of which, drag you to hell is a grade one, I’m listening to it now. By Vinnie Paz.

I like the beat.

I like this perfume song by Britney Spears too, it’s clever. I think it’s written by Sia

She has such a beautiful voice!!

And she sometimes gives money to the compelled of the Australian survivor.

Sometimes they eat KFC

But they can fry those chickens out of my sight

Industrial chicken farms are where the gateway to hell will one day open, for all of the casual evils

The black dog is resting on my shoulder.

And me with my wonky eye

And my long hair

And the raven sized dog on my shoulder

Burdened by wisdom

Just like Odin

#poetry

There’s been a pulsing headache behind the bad eye, sort of like a background noice or even like a beat, like this day’s soundtrack.

And I have dipped my toe in the blackened darkness of misery. It’s like I can’t help myself.

I could be more specific, but one dip is enough for heaven’s sake.

Now feeling numb and like a compacted aluminium can, and indeed the headache is still there, although it too has numbed down to an almost pleasant sensation.

Reminding me that I am alive.

Hello it’s me again. Again on the sofa with a cute dog resting on my lap.

Sorry I haven’t written for so long; I’m going through some stuff.

Speaking of which:

There’s nothing I don’t love about dogs.

Anyway

Outside, a coat of ice is covering the ground like clear gloss varnish, making a seemingly mundane task of grocery shopping into a death defying nightmare.

Danger!

But nonetheless, out we went into the cold darkness, and back we came with some essentials such as gingerbread flavoured yoghurt, coco pops and even some milk.

This what some would say oppressive weather — a small taste of what is to come — is visible through the windows — where the wards are: the Christmas lights — strengthens the joy and merriment of being inside.

Picture that scene from Lord of the Rings in which Frodo and the others are chased by the Nazgûls, but nonetheless they hide in Frodos little house for a cozy dinner; safe for a brief moment.

It’s like that exactly.

The cute cat-sized agility dog had in the meanwhile somehow jumped onto the kitchen table. He had his knitted jumper on. In his maw there was a slice of gluten free pizza.

That memory I will cherish.

I love dogs

I was at spinning class today. From the outside, it seems to be a pointless activity, because the wheels do not propel the bike forward as one might expect, being as it is: fixed to the floor.

On a pedestal at the end of the room, were two gently illuminating candles. Behind it, on a bike just like ours, facing the other way (like a mirror), sat the instructor; telling us what to do — like a preacher of fitness.

And there was awesome music blasting through the speaker system: Mel C, Iron Maiden and Linkin Park.

No: the bike doesn’t move — not in the physical realm. Instead the monotonous pedalling advances movement of the mind; drowning it and it’s whirlwind of thoughts in a cleansing flood of sweat to the beautiful voice of Mel C and the imaginary hills I climbed, because the instructor said there were some, and the only thought was of how tired I felt but yet at the same time: energised.

Having such a ”soft reset” of the mind, spending the excess energy is great.

Even though I don’t like bicycling very much.

First of all: butterfly collections, isn’t that something deeply disturbing about this?

First of all: the butterfly is something everyone agrees on is of incredible beauty; but at it’s core: it’s an insect from which protrudes: two beautiful faerie wings.

A contrast indeed!

Then furthermore:

To have these beautiful creatures pinned down behind a glass sheet; skewered on this needle, to display their beautiful corpses; that is very grotesque.

It’s fascinating,

Speaking of which,

First of all: isn’t it funny how so disproportionate the amount of the world’s best music it is which comes from Finland? 🇫🇮 there’s only like 5-6M people living there…

Anyway:

Rip out the wings of a butterfly by HIM:

Come on and show them your love  Rip out the wings of a butterfly  For your soul, my love  Rip out the wings of a butterfly  For your soul

It’s about how humans cannot simply let beauty be: either it’s speared into a collection or sacrificed for the passions of love!

Like when we reach for it, it crumbles in our fumbling hands.

It feels like a sin!

I think it’s because we do live on borrowed time, and the beautiful moments are few and far between; I think it’s in the human nature to seek to preserve these moments of fleeting beauty — but that very act turns it into something which is beautiful, but most of all: terribly ugly.

Hmmmm

That is (to me) obviously wrong, it’s not seizing the day at all, or a pervertion of it’s original meaning; to cage a beautiful bird.

To then look at this poor bird until it’s beauty do no longer affect, until it’s just another piece of decoration, just like the butterfly collection; that is just morally objectionable.

At the same time, it’s a miracle: to go to the grocery store in the middle of a cold winter evening to have a banana!

Like I have never seen a banana tree, and I wouldn’t recognise a coffee tree; I don’t even know whether they (the coffees) grow on trees or on bushes. I couldn’t make vanilla either, even though I know what a vanilla flower looks like; I’ve seen it… on the shampoo bottle.

I don’t know what is in shampoo. I can assume that it’s similar to soap, and I’ve seen on fight club that it contains human fat? I didn’t really watch the movie. It was my sister who did, she had a crush on Brad Pitt you see.

I have disowned her. But not because of Brad Pitt; there’s nothing wrong with him, as far as I know.

But like you’ve see: that’s not much unfortunately.