The happy place

I could see the moon yesterday, it was peeking through an opening among the clouds, and it shone so strong and the light was reflected on the snow which made the whole thing glitter. It was the type of situation which is the closest a vampire can ever get to daylight.

And I’ve said it before that I do love glitter it’s my favourite colour.

If gold is a colour, then so is glitter.

Gold is my favourite colour.

The day before the sky was lit green from the aurora borealis

And seeing all of that stuff is just great.

Aurora borealis green is my favourite colour.

Another thing: there’s a thin layer on snow on the cars they look like powder sugared it’s just all very nice.

Ok

So all of this was nice and it was nice to share the chair with my cat today when playing the computer game. She didn’t wanna move so I had to sit on it with the tip of my ass so I wouldn’t disturb her sleep, and the little dog was on the other side. He’d just peed on the carpet again.

Hey did you ever heard of fidget spinners? You know? I got a yellow/black one (not black/yellow), which I do use for fidgeting and spinning and sometimes I even balance it on my nose.

It’s better than nothing.

#poetry

Hello. 🙋‍♂️

Please hang in there.

Okay.-

👌 It will get better.

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ok I’m at home since a few days. That’s the best part of travelling, to come back home. It’s not perspective or anything, because I know all this (that’s why avoid it). I have that perspective. Maybe for the dogs then (if they need some perspective): they were very excited to see me, and I was happy to see them too. I love them. and I’d bought some cool goth stuff for my daughter which I was excited to show her. I love her too. It was this cool pentagram t-shirt and some necklaces with coffins and such stuff. Really cool. The people in the store looked very cool too with a goth style and were very friendly. And of course it felt great to see my wife too. We were all happy to see each other. Except the cats, they didn’t care one way or the other.

Speaking of which:

My Polish friend is jealous that I get to read all of the Witcher books for the first time, and I am happy for that. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. It’s really great.

i like Kellerbier.

The other best thing about travelling is to take the train home, listening to Wind Rose and reading those books, with a coffee right there on the table and the land starting to get more and more familiar. And the darkness out there with the moon which I cannot see through the train ceiling, but which is there nonetheless. And the land out there, as it gets darker becomes also hard to see but I know what it is: snow on trees on either side and sometimes a house or two (with snow on too): I’m home.

And now it’s Sunday, what the duck? Like ok ok but what if I’m not ready for another week yet?

I guess there’s no getting ready for Mondays really, I’ll have to wing it.

Ok thanks for reading and 🙏 keep fighting!

I’m on the train again. Been on a business trip in a town called Hamburg. Now I’m going back home. I don’t like it, travelling. It’s just exhausting.

when going back to the airport I stopped first at a very small cafe and ordered a cappuccino. It cost €3,50 but there was a problem with card payments and such a low amount isn’t appealing for card payments anyhow, due to fees and such, so and anyway there was some problem, like I said, with the card payments anyway, so it wasn’t even an option right then, so

he did ask if I had cash, which I did. I did do have cash but only €2 because I found one coin. I didn’t think I had any cash but I did.

He said that that would do, because he was a follower of Jesus. He made a big caffe latte sized cappuccino with a small cookie beside it and he reiterated how Jesus saved him from drugs and womanising and that he wasn’t Muslim and that he tried to shoot himself in the head, but Jesus intervened and has been walking by his side now for 30 years. The man did also add that he did have a wife now and two children and he said that he hoped that I would go to heaven. And that the world was dangerous right now on the brim of chaos.

I think that it must’ve been Jesus who put that coin in my wallet maybe,?? Not sure but it was a pleasant exchange for sure. I hope he will go to heaven too.

Another very interesting anecdote was that we (one college from Sweden, one from Poland, two Germans and I) were talking about the world famous brand Glocken Gold which is (like I just wrote) a world famous EU registered multivitamin fruit juice. I didn’t bring it up; my college did, but I could emphasise how popular that juice is by telling one of my favourite anecdotes: that once before school, I was around 14-15 I drank a whole 1l juice carton for breakfast and then therefore shat my pants on the way to the bus, so turned back home. They loved the anecdote, it’s a good one. I’ve told it to my daughter too and she likes it so much she tells everyone except she’s changed it so instead of it’s me on the way to school, it’s me on the way to work, which is funny because it implies it could’ve been recently. Anyhow that is a good anecdote who they all just loved.

Finally another one of the two Germans he is a guy I like more and more the more I talk to him. He asked if I had heard this Italian Dwarven Power Metal band Wind Rose which I haven’t but now I have and I have been listening to them non stop it’s just awesome.

It’s like music to my ears.

Hello 🙋‍♂️

This world is a scary place is it not? It’s I read in this book* by Nick Harkaway, there’s someone in there died. Died. Then the world just had the gall to move on just like that, just like any other day with seagulls and everything all the details just like before. I also read something similar in a Paul Auster book once, can’t remember exactly the quote and I haven’t found it since, and I don’t remember the book either but it did strike a similar chord. That not only can the word irrecoverably alter (like someone dies), but yet at the same time it’s spinning just like before, so it would appear unaltered.

Death does not at all amuse me.

I can’t think about anything which would amuse me right now, last time we had tacos it wasn’t like before; the tastes and the whole thing didn’t live up to my expectations.

And yeah work’s been exhausting, the thing is that as we age the brain is relatively full, so that to learn new things we must have a type of defragmentation process running which is exhausting.

So the silly thing is that even though I’ve been exhausted, I’ve not been able to sleep really. Been like restless and I’ve been having a lot of thoughts up there.

\* there are many great books by Nick Harkaway but I didn’t or the title of the book there, because I’ll avoid spoilers. But some good books I can recommend are “the gone away world” and “tigerman”

Hi I’ve been drumming. Who cares?: it’s the type of thing other people likely aren’t interested in knowing, but I’ve bought some drums my wife got them for me. E-drums. and I got the double pedals.

I’m a musician now just another feather in the hat. It’s got so many feathers by now up there that you can’t even see that they are on a hat.

And I’ve got a big head. Looks like a chicken head with all of the feathers.

I’m gonna stop looking at the federated feed it’s just depressing. It’s the doomscrolling. It is depressing with the news also. Just shit news with shitty people doing shitty things and shit like that. Fuck that shit.

I’ll stop that I don’t think my phone is making me happy I’ll put it away now.

Hello! A guy at work long time ago was in a project, working as type of an instructor. He was going on site to a place called Asia, flying 11+ hours. To teach the client some stuff. The project manager denied his request to fly first class, he’d have to settle for economy plus, because it was out of budget. It was too expensive.

Then when he was boarding the plane, he spotted the very same project manager.

She was flying in the same plane.

First class.

What a society we live in isn’t it?

Hello let’s put this down so I don’t forget:

Today a fly was crawling on the screen. It looked pretty fat and it was so slow and dry. Some flies they become sluggish and dry. I am not sure why but I think it’s towards the end of their lives as normally you cannot pinch them, they are too fast, and they’ve got a healthy sheen like oil whereas this fly was dry and matte like it was dead already. This one was dry and I only noticed because I’d crumpled him or her between my fingers as I was looking on the screen at some workflow or other such semi interesting task. Absentmindedly.

I don’t even remember taking it in the first place.

The other spooky experience was that another dead, albeit not dry, fly was in my coffee cup. I almost swallowed it, but I didn’t.

This is probably a bad omen, how else could this be interpreted?

And now with all of the snow I don’t expect there to be this many flies.

However, they are pollinators and type of a natural janitor who are instrumental to the natural nature and life cycles.

Oh man !!! First of all the jogging I regretted immediately but I plowed on literally, because of the snow which ofttimes were to my knees. That’s why I settled for a 5km round today. When on the road clear of snow for the final stretch it felt like flying. I couldn’t find nothing I wanted to listen to, which was surprising, not even modern talking. That’s a strange situation. It’s maybe because of unpleasant weather and shorter than average duration that I was unable to enter “the Zone”.

Another strange situation is the reactions to Elon musks blatant Hitler greeting the other day, that he was in fact awkwardly waving enthusiastically??!, come on man! I guess the case is that if you want it to not be true badly enough then nothing can convince you, I mean come on man?! True that he was enthusiastic, maybe from a dopamine kick of performing a forbidden greeting??! What was interesting to me to see was how some prominent thinkers chalked it off like that. An awkward wave.

It’s the rich inner workings of the human being, how we can just ignore facts which are threatening to our inner construct of reality. It’s in the DNA maybe,?? In the human DNA? A coping mechanismus.

I don’t know but I see with my eyes and have been taught (by reading books) the importance of facing harsh truths.

I’m on the train, man. Is a deep blue not black out there and I haven’t seen no moon as the darkness came pretty quickly and I cannot see thru the ceiling. Can’t remember if it was dark when I got on the train and therefore I’ve not seen the moon. Can’t see through the ceiling .

I’ve worked at the office and now I’m going home. They all love me for some reason, it’s cause I moved a few points from INT to CHR when I created my character but why did I create a male? That’s strange. I probably didn’t have a choice. I probably was just how the gene Tombola worked and now I’m doing the best I can given the circumstances. I am beautiful in a wabi sabi type of way I think: I am perfect in this flawed way I think; and wouldn’t change a single thing. Do you believe in fate? Sometimes I think I’d make a very great philosophy student.

The last knife fighter had on his bio:

The Last Knife Fighter is a Texas born songwriter, poet and freelance philosopher. Known for his unique gravely voice and multi-layered writing style, [ … ]

Love that description.

Of yeah they’d also heard that HelloWorld.java song at work and they did do did like that one just as much as I do. There was I felt a sense of community then and I felt warmth towards these people.

What else would you like to know?

Something negative? Shall I try to avoid being toxic positive?

I fucken hate YAML.