The happy place

It’s hard to keep a diary when I spend most of the time on the yellow sofa.

There were sparks flying in the microwave the other day when we did warm some potatoes in a glass bowl.

Through the window, it looked like a diorama of the apocalypse. The sparks looked like flashes of lightning sent out like a divine punishment to smite the potatoes.

The firewood we got from our neighbours looks like they’ve been eaten on by termites.

Once when I was working in finance there used to be some type of sweet pastries like cinnamon rolls or muffins once a week, laid out in piles in the common areas.

When I got back once from a long weekend, early, I saw that they’d forgotten to throw away the uneaten ones; they were still lying there when I got back, dried. But now they were all covered in flies.

I remember thinking then that had they all concentrated their eating to one cinnamon roll, then the others could roll be eaten.

Now instead I think about that novel by Edgar Allan Poe, the masque of read death out something.

Because there is something decadent about the whole scene in my mind eye.

And I thought about that when I saw the termite riddled firewood

And I’m not sure whether it’s soothing or unsettling that everything got ruined this way.

Some important things happened today which I must write down!

Firstly, when we went in the Volvo to buy some groceries and recycle, the moon stood full on the night sky, bigger than usual, full and with a bright shine.

On our way back home, the only cloud in the sky, thick and dark, covered it, but the cool moonshine still is leaking upwards and downwards; not even this black cloud could stop it today.

That is a powerful omen! I need this right now!

Secondly, the I have got my (sense of) smell back! When I first got the medicine this fall, all of the snells of the city which went through my nostrils filled my body and mind with impressions! I will never forget that day, the sun stood high and I felt that I could navigate the city just by smell.

But then they went away so slowly that I wasn’t sure until even the coffee smelled of nothing.

Now they’re back but weak — but back — but still I already take them for granted

The rich taste of food like tomatoes or cod or even potatoes, the smell of oregano and garlic;

Of onion fried in olive oil

I already take all of this for granted!

I’ve always considered myself the luckiest man alive.

But it takes just a grain of sand for the machinery to stop.

I’m thinking about something my therapist said, about me being so eager to forgive, that I’m so understanding, that there is a place for anger, and to stop and realise that I’ve been wronged,

That perhaps my issue is that I’ve always considered what problems I’ve had mere grains of sand, where in reality they deserve a little bit more respect than that,

That they deserve to be taken seriously

Because I do.

👋 👀👂✌️

👄

Hello hello

I have got a big heart and it’s not made of steel, like in this expertly written track by Manowar, named ”Heart of Steel“,

I listen to that one a lot, when facing hardships, I too feel like a comet. I too burn the bridge behind me, because there are things worse than death.

I think.

Always one more try!

And the falling snow, indeed will always melt, even though sometimes it takes a long time,

This song lyrics are very accessible for youth and adults alike, indeed the old sometimes forget that they have strayed from their paths somewhere long ago,

And sometimes some of them don’t remember who they once were meant to be.

But that’s not passing judgement, life can grind HARD! Sometimes a battery of circumstances can propel anyone into space or down into a very deep well, so much that the exit seems smaller than a star. And that’s not something I can judge people for, laying as I do, on the yellow sofa.

However, it’s never to late to do the right thing. Even Jesus says so.

Like in this text, it’s not about succeeding, it’s about perseverance. To not give up! It’s all we got?!

But yes! Staying true to the ideal is no easy task.

It requires a heart of steel

I think I have such a heart after all

I must believe I do

I’m thinking again about butterflies

But I see only dead flies.

And there is a snowstorm outside.

But a full moon.

I think I can be happy this year!

I focus on the good signs I’ve seen! The good omens!

The lion dog threw up the cucumber cigar, then threw up again on the yellow sofa, but I caught it in my hand.

I’m hoping he’s OK now, that he’s feeling OK

And he did shit in the snow, so his engines are working I hope, because without my two dogs, I’m as blind as Odin without his crows.

Interesting fact is that it was immediately hidden by the relentless snow

The shit was. Hidden.

The snow will ve a fine sight to behold, I think, as it reflects the moonshine and thereby sends glimmers of light on this, the darkest time of the year

It can only get brighter now

It’s 2026 I embrace it with both arms

Even the small black dog — which looks like a lion — has celebrated by taking a cucumber stick in the corner of his mouth, pretending to smoke it like a cigar; then having done that, he shat on the living room floor. Now he is sleeping peacefully on the sofa next to me.

I will try to use his casual happy go lucky attitude as an inspiration now for myself as I enter this new year with three pair of eyes: normal, glasses and finally the pair I opened to the undercurrents. They too are a pair, because they so accurately measure depth…

May this year be the best one in several decades!!

So say we all.

Speaking of which, I saw the dogs circular chewing bone earlier today. It reminded me of the chakram: a circular throwing weapon made famous by Xena.

That’s a powerful woman whose courage I shall also be inspired by

As well as her desire to good, with or without baggage. Make up for all of the past which cannot be changed.

and finally captain Janeway: coffee: black! Doing the right thing, acting on what is known! Leaving none behind!

Let’s go do you feel it

Do your best

It’s all you got

Tonight, on New Year’s Eve, the sky is gray with clouds. Laden with snow, they cover even the moon like baking parchment. However, this seems to only soften and multiply its shine — like a lampshade — rather than obscure it.

But now it’s all black as the clock nears twelve, and some snow has fallen, like a rich amount of white Parmesan cheese, like when the waiter asks when to stop, but noone is stopping.

And I have a headache in my left brain half, the other half is full of confusion.

I think that it’s 2025 I am feeling still.

But it’s not even an hour left of that.

And I have great hopes for the future.

I saw this moon shining through on this day and knew that too for a good omen!

Today my wife and a I took a romantic trip in the red Volvo to buy groceries for new years.

It will be a celebration of the world, with Wiener nougat from Finland and French island dip mix from Sweden.

And antipasto, possibly from Italy

From the whole world

Avocado and oranges from far away

What was remarkable is that I’ve been looking for the Wiener Nougat several consecutive Christmases, but luck has eluded me; nobody likes this anymore, and I think of this guy in ”no country for old men” who doesn’t recognise the world anymore; suddenly it seems populated by green haired people with bones in their noses.

today, however, there was a single box left.

Just the one.

And I know this for a good omen.

I’ll use it to ensure the coming of a good new year.

While I celebrate the end of this one.

And that all of this were from the same little store in the middle of nowhere, it’s not lost on me

The significance.

The crayfish wire cages were empty. They lay scattered here and there, on surprisingly different places on the lawn; blown in all directions.

So then — like I wrote earlier — there weren’t any crabs in them, and no crayfish.

Crayfish are murk dwellers, who during winter go into a type of stand-by mode in the lakebed, hidden by the dark depths of mud. I think primarily that’s why those cages were empty, being as they were: on land.

But in my imagination, it could’ve been something in there.

A tall pine tree has blown over at mother’s, uprooted by the giant forces of nature.

And the neighbours car port did blow away, denting their car before taking off.

And the roof of a nearby hotel. Like it was just some hat…

But now only icy winds are blowing over the frosted ground, which glitters in the sunlight.

But soon there will fall lots of snow.

They say.

And it’s also soon spring

This weather, in a freakish coincidence, mirrors how I feel.

An unfortunate mouse was struck dead by the trap we put under the kitchen sink.

And the sky is dark with clouds and stars and the moon is half

And we are back home again,

And I’m having different feelings, like a mix of bad and good: a tutti frutti of thoughts and feelings, if you’re allergic to pineapple, one might say.

The crab cages were blown away, we’ll have to find them tomorrow although I don’t hope for (polar) crabs in them then.

And the trash bins laid toppled on the fridge ground

Other than that, the house was in order.

I put the dead mouse in the compost part of the straightened trash bin.

It’ll become biofuel now

Today the moon and sun shone in tandem on the morning sky, seemingly disrupting the normal order of the world; indeed a storm is wreaking havoc, toppling the trees who are falling on the power lines, causing power outages, falling on the road causing blockages, falling on pedestrians, killing them.

But that’s north from here. Here in a repurposed prison cell made into a hotel room we make a stop on this little island.

Outside now only the moon shines, I see the stars on the dark sky, and some brightly coloured clouds which looks just as wrong on there — but just as beautiful — as the moon did next to the sun this morning.

Today as we took the whole family on the road we paused to go into a car wash to my child’s and my dogs’ delight.

Last time I parked diagonally in the car wash, outside of the tracks, and I’d forgotten to fold the rear view mirrors so we did that as the water was splatting into the cockpit in a dramatic manner, but this time my wife drove, and also I’ve gotten new glasses.

Last time the car had dirt stripes like a tiger after the wash, but now it’s just red