The happy place

I went running after all thru some mighty force of will I went in the sleet and ran like something slow like a tank or something, something with lots of fuel like a WW2 battleship, and it helped get rid of the darkness which has been marinating in me.

I think I sweated it out, cause my wife said I stank like a wet dog when I got back, and me not having any sense of smell I took her word for it and will let clothes soak in vinegar.

Allegedly that helps remove the stink of inner darkness.

Today it’s looking bad for my planned run as I don’t have no snowshoes and it’s starting to get a bit deep.

Too bad too bad.

Aah to feel the life in me, what a blessing isn’t that?

Right now I should be asleep but amn’t, and it probably is my own fault, but it doesn’t feel like it, cause I have been trying for hours.

Likely it’s cause I’m powered by some very high performance engines like a nuclear submarine, and to bring such a mighty system to a full stop every night just isn’t feasible.

It could also be (and this explanation I don’t like as much) that I’m somewhat neurotic.

Probably it’s a little bit of both.

A comfort I have to hold on to, anyway, is that I’m awesome.

I’ve got a nice dog who is both small and cute. She’s always there for me when I need her, which is always.

I always need her.

If a song ever had sage advice in the lyrics, it’s “Keep 'Em on They Toes” by “Brent Cobb”.

I heard that track, really heard it, when I was out jogging and it struck me how true it rang.

If you ever grow up  One thing you'll find  Most people that you meet  Just about out their mind

They try to tell you how to live  They try to tell you how to die  They tell you don't get too low, but don't get too high  Best thing you can do is don't listen too close  Walk on to your own beat  Keep 'em on they toes

Truer words I’ve never heard spoken or sang.

This is very conclusive with what I’ve experienced and thought in my own head: feeling the tug of all people trying to influence every decision and thought up here in my brain. Big and small.

somewhere in there is my own voice, but can it be distinguished from all the other noice up there?

Well hello there

I’m living in the now, now, listening to the Phantom of the Opera and yes it is a masterpiece.

Laying on the bed with the cats (I’m very allergic) and hoping that everything in the world will be better soon.

Feeling very content.

Life is very fine in moments like this and by writing this down I hope to be able to conjure again this special feeling or at least to be able to remind myself of these moments which are worth living for.

Ok take care

This day will never come back.

It’s spent. One day closer to death.

Good riddance.

Can’t wait for this work week to be over so I can do some fun stuff.

Like one example could be to sleep. And then do some various choirs in the house.

I’m also planning to drink some strong coffee.

I should do some stuff which makes me happy too; I’ll go for a run listening to some upbeat music.

Yep some sleep, a long run, some coffee and upbeat music. I need that.

Happy Valentine’s Day everybody here I got love enough to go round 🫶 especially to the lonesome and heartbroken 💔. For you it may be some comfort that I saw on a TV show “Romanovs” that the heart is much like a bone, it’ll heal back stronger 💪💪💪 so hang in there, ok?

It doesn’t feel so bad today even though everything is almost exactly the same as it was yesterday, isn’t that something? Some imbalance in the yin yang and then it can feel bad for no apparent reason. What is that?

Nothing new to report. Boards of Canada you say? Only listened to Roygbiv. Felt really clever when I figured out it was the colours of the rainbow.

Ok have it so nice and I’ll write more soon ✌️

I’ve been denied access to my happy place lately. In my head. Like there’s some wet blanket over my fire or something, so now it’s just a steam smoke I can’t smell and it’s sort of hazy and I can’t see very far.

That’s what uncertainty does I think. I am ill equipped to deal with these emotions but they come and go like all things do.

There’s no reason for me to feel this way, really. I’ve got so much going for me and I am a healthy somewhat beautiful man with a beautiful family and a lot of people around me who I care about.

It’s a funny thing that: due to some chemical imbalance or bad thought getting stuck in the brain it can cause a discord in the system, but then the trick is to do with it what some mollusks do with grains of sand similarly stuck in them: a pearl.

That’s what great artists do, I think: take the bad thoughts and make of them a pearl.

Speaking of which, I really like Perl. It’s a quite potent scripting language I really think it’s cool and portable. And it can be esoteric and really hard to read but also very readable, it’s up to you. You are the king when you write Perl code.

But I’m gonna take the step and learn C#. It’s on my bucket list. Think it’s the only thing on there.

Hello buenivie welcome! Did you like that cabaret musical? With the France in the twenties and what a special time and place and then the nazis came.

I saw that one on VHS with two of my sisters friends who I liked a lot when we were watching my grandmothers goats and chicken etc. For some reason it feels very important to point out that we had potato chips with dill flavour. I cannot explain why it matters, but it does.

I put this memory here so I don’t forget because for some reason this memory has a special meaning to me and is a reminder of times which can never come back.