The happy place

I’m on the train again. Been on a business trip in a town called Hamburg. Now I’m going back home. I don’t like it, travelling. It’s just exhausting.

when going back to the airport I stopped first at a very small cafe and ordered a cappuccino. It cost €3,50 but there was a problem with card payments and such a low amount isn’t appealing for card payments anyhow, due to fees and such, so and anyway there was some problem, like I said, with the card payments anyway, so it wasn’t even an option right then, so

he did ask if I had cash, which I did. I did do have cash but only €2 because I found one coin. I didn’t think I had any cash but I did.

He said that that would do, because he was a follower of Jesus. He made a big caffe latte sized cappuccino with a small cookie beside it and he reiterated how Jesus saved him from drugs and womanising and that he wasn’t Muslim and that he tried to shoot himself in the head, but Jesus intervened and has been walking by his side now for 30 years. The man did also add that he did have a wife now and two children and he said that he hoped that I would go to heaven. And that the world was dangerous right now on the brim of chaos.

I think that it must’ve been Jesus who put that coin in my wallet maybe,?? Not sure but it was a pleasant exchange for sure. I hope he will go to heaven too.

Another very interesting anecdote was that we (one college from Sweden, one from Poland, two Germans and I) were talking about the world famous brand Glocken Gold which is (like I just wrote) a world famous EU registered multivitamin fruit juice. I didn’t bring it up; my college did, but I could emphasise how popular that juice is by telling one of my favourite anecdotes: that once before school, I was around 14-15 I drank a whole 1l juice carton for breakfast and then therefore shat my pants on the way to the bus, so turned back home. They loved the anecdote, it’s a good one. I’ve told it to my daughter too and she likes it so much she tells everyone except she’s changed it so instead of it’s me on the way to school, it’s me on the way to work, which is funny because it implies it could’ve been recently. Anyhow that is a good anecdote who they all just loved.

Finally another one of the two Germans he is a guy I like more and more the more I talk to him. He asked if I had heard this Italian Dwarven Power Metal band Wind Rose which I haven’t but now I have and I have been listening to them non stop it’s just awesome.

It’s like music to my ears.

Hello 🙋‍♂️

This world is a scary place is it not? It’s I read in this book* by Nick Harkaway, there’s someone in there died. Died. Then the world just had the gall to move on just like that, just like any other day with seagulls and everything all the details just like before. I also read something similar in a Paul Auster book once, can’t remember exactly the quote and I haven’t found it since, and I don’t remember the book either but it did strike a similar chord. That not only can the word irrecoverably alter (like someone dies), but yet at the same time it’s spinning just like before, so it would appear unaltered.

Death does not at all amuse me.

I can’t think about anything which would amuse me right now, last time we had tacos it wasn’t like before; the tastes and the whole thing didn’t live up to my expectations.

And yeah work’s been exhausting, the thing is that as we age the brain is relatively full, so that to learn new things we must have a type of defragmentation process running which is exhausting.

So the silly thing is that even though I’ve been exhausted, I’ve not been able to sleep really. Been like restless and I’ve been having a lot of thoughts up there.

\* there are many great books by Nick Harkaway but I didn’t or the title of the book there, because I’ll avoid spoilers. But some good books I can recommend are “the gone away world” and “tigerman”

Hi I’ve been drumming. Who cares?: it’s the type of thing other people likely aren’t interested in knowing, but I’ve bought some drums my wife got them for me. E-drums. and I got the double pedals.

I’m a musician now just another feather in the hat. It’s got so many feathers by now up there that you can’t even see that they are on a hat.

And I’ve got a big head. Looks like a chicken head with all of the feathers.

I’m gonna stop looking at the federated feed it’s just depressing. It’s the doomscrolling. It is depressing with the news also. Just shit news with shitty people doing shitty things and shit like that. Fuck that shit.

I’ll stop that I don’t think my phone is making me happy I’ll put it away now.

Hello! A guy at work long time ago was in a project, working as type of an instructor. He was going on site to a place called Asia, flying 11+ hours. To teach the client some stuff. The project manager denied his request to fly first class, he’d have to settle for economy plus, because it was out of budget. It was too expensive.

Then when he was boarding the plane, he spotted the very same project manager.

She was flying in the same plane.

First class.

What a society we live in isn’t it?

Hello let’s put this down so I don’t forget:

Today a fly was crawling on the screen. It looked pretty fat and it was so slow and dry. Some flies they become sluggish and dry. I am not sure why but I think it’s towards the end of their lives as normally you cannot pinch them, they are too fast, and they’ve got a healthy sheen like oil whereas this fly was dry and matte like it was dead already. This one was dry and I only noticed because I’d crumpled him or her between my fingers as I was looking on the screen at some workflow or other such semi interesting task. Absentmindedly.

I don’t even remember taking it in the first place.

The other spooky experience was that another dead, albeit not dry, fly was in my coffee cup. I almost swallowed it, but I didn’t.

This is probably a bad omen, how else could this be interpreted?

And now with all of the snow I don’t expect there to be this many flies.

However, they are pollinators and type of a natural janitor who are instrumental to the natural nature and life cycles.

Oh man !!! First of all the jogging I regretted immediately but I plowed on literally, because of the snow which ofttimes were to my knees. That’s why I settled for a 5km round today. When on the road clear of snow for the final stretch it felt like flying. I couldn’t find nothing I wanted to listen to, which was surprising, not even modern talking. That’s a strange situation. It’s maybe because of unpleasant weather and shorter than average duration that I was unable to enter “the Zone”.

Another strange situation is the reactions to Elon musks blatant Hitler greeting the other day, that he was in fact awkwardly waving enthusiastically??!, come on man! I guess the case is that if you want it to not be true badly enough then nothing can convince you, I mean come on man?! True that he was enthusiastic, maybe from a dopamine kick of performing a forbidden greeting??! What was interesting to me to see was how some prominent thinkers chalked it off like that. An awkward wave.

It’s the rich inner workings of the human being, how we can just ignore facts which are threatening to our inner construct of reality. It’s in the DNA maybe,?? In the human DNA? A coping mechanismus.

I don’t know but I see with my eyes and have been taught (by reading books) the importance of facing harsh truths.

I’m on the train, man. Is a deep blue not black out there and I haven’t seen no moon as the darkness came pretty quickly and I cannot see thru the ceiling. Can’t remember if it was dark when I got on the train and therefore I’ve not seen the moon. Can’t see through the ceiling .

I’ve worked at the office and now I’m going home. They all love me for some reason, it’s cause I moved a few points from INT to CHR when I created my character but why did I create a male? That’s strange. I probably didn’t have a choice. I probably was just how the gene Tombola worked and now I’m doing the best I can given the circumstances. I am beautiful in a wabi sabi type of way I think: I am perfect in this flawed way I think; and wouldn’t change a single thing. Do you believe in fate? Sometimes I think I’d make a very great philosophy student.

The last knife fighter had on his bio:

The Last Knife Fighter is a Texas born songwriter, poet and freelance philosopher. Known for his unique gravely voice and multi-layered writing style, [ … ]

Love that description.

Of yeah they’d also heard that HelloWorld.java song at work and they did do did like that one just as much as I do. There was I felt a sense of community then and I felt warmth towards these people.

What else would you like to know?

Something negative? Shall I try to avoid being toxic positive?

I fucken hate YAML.

I’m on the train. There’s darkness deep blue not black out the window, and sometimes there are brilliant flashes of light that’s got to do with that power line overhead somehow sending sparks.

I’m listening to that „Ghost“ track off Jon Schaffers’ favourites playlist, „Genesis“. It’s a good one. The Witcher or der Hexer book I’ve put down for now. I can see why these books are so popular.

When I woke up this morning I was clueless. Didn’t know what day it was or why I was waking up etc, which all was very unsettling, but soon I came to my senses and now I’m on the train.

Is on my way to the office but again I’ve forgotten my access fob and frankly speaking I’ve no clue where it is.

I’ve got too many keys and passwords and 2FA it’s like I’ve given up in that regard and they keep rotating them and even the password managers’ passwords are put into other password managers with 2FA.

I watched this anime with my daughter, dang dang rumpa or some shit like that, and the guy there he said that “being positive is the only thing I’ve got going for me” and I found that very funny.

Should I write about the moon? Yes: like a week of brilliant full moon evenings, nights and mornings it’s significant.

I fucken hate YAML

Hello

I'm not asleep. The unwinding failed. Just as I were almost sleeping I might've dreamed I thought that I was slipping on ice and jolted to a wide awake state. (It's caused by the full moon today which lay partially hidden behind some black gray clouds. An awesome sight.)

I'm now thinking about the dream I had with the foldable car (which looked like a mix of a car from downtown abbey and a modern car). It disappointed me I think because whenever I was young and was looking for a parking spot I had this fantasy of a car which could be folded into a suitcase. Instead the problem solved itself as I moved to a rural area. But still it was a disappointment nonetheless.

The ugly hen is indeed ugly. It's fascinating how rich personalities these chickens have. One of the turkeys she used to nibble at the others’ feathers and that's how come the ugly one got uglier: she looks ready for the oven. (She's (the turkey) stopped with the nibbling, which wasn't due to protein deficiency as she is the beautiful one with ice cream white coat). That's not what makes the ugly hen ugly either. Not primarily: She and her sister used to be outcasts: They would roost all day and night at the neighbours’ from fear as they were never integrated to the flock there (they were attacked on sight) and so we brought them home. One would think such trauma would create a sense of humility and understanding but she was the meanest to the two hatchlings (unless you count the one beautiful lesbian turkey “the angel maker” who literally tried to kill them). It's an outlet for some people and chickens that: to just pass the trauma on, or if you choose the path of light (which I try to do) you try to break the circle ❤️, by eating the red pill so to speak, or more accurately to walk the narrow path. Anyhow that's why she's ugly I think. Of course she's got good sides too. Chickens are complex like that.

Finally I got a new shot at that code test and made a pretty clever solution I think. That's a funny reflection that some days, my brain seems unable to compute the most trivial tasks, like there's a soft lockup in there or something. Other days I feel like a mental Bazooka. Just look at this post for example.

Indeed.

Hello !!

The moon shone big and yellow and moreover it was triple the usual size.

This happened a few days back but I’ve not written about it until now because I’ve not had anything else to write about.

I’ve had too much up in the head and have been absent minded. I shut the night light for the therapists my chickens and closed them in automatically so I went back later and it was already dark in there and closed. I’d already done that. Like an automaton. I counted thirteen feathered beasts. They are all beautiful (except one).

thirteen is an ominous number indeed.

Thirteen chickens, giant moon. It’s some cause for unease which might serve to explain my absent mindedness, being as I am and have said before attuned to the moon and the spiritual realm and such like.

💭

I’ll unwind now.