The happy place

👋 hello

👋

It’s been Monday again.

And a rainy one too.

Now the snow is gone, gravel on the wet sidewalks looks like they’ve put poppy seeds on there although bigger and not on bread.

But on sidewalk…

I’m feeling today: 200 years old!

Another work day done, gaining some valuable insights and experience. I picture it a big cross-stitched embroidery; every day I add another cross to there:

An awesome sight.

I show it to peope and claim that it’s abstract art.

It’s colourful, but the aida cloth underneath has got holes in it, it’s also right now gray: I’m stitching to cover a gray part with too many holes, using a bright yellow, because it is almost — but not — gold.

There’s something nice about even a dirty cloth which isn’t perfect can have embroidery just like that

It’s beautiful even though right now my fingers are bleeding and my eyes are sore from embroidering

It takes more than will, and embers

It takes discipline I think

Especially on the gray

It is unnatural with rain in winter.

Is wrong.

The roads slick with ice; dangerous.

The wet and cold is a deadly combination.

The folding chair had a pool of water in it, even as it stood in the heavy wet snow.

And the sky wasn’t black or blue, but rather almost a dirty whiteish gray

But it was bright

, why was it bright?

In a clearing on the dirty sky I saw the cool glow of the full moon

And I sat behind the fire, hearing the rain smattering against the roof of the lean-to in which we sat.

And in there; a friendship burning stronger even than the fire

With this unnatural weather as a backdrop

And the black forest in all directions

That was a very powerful moment

Even made stronger by the indecisive weather

And the strong cool glow of the moon

Usually my mind is potent, l I’ll just go grab a string of pearls from there

Like a necklace

Which I show to everybody’s delight

My brain

It used to be full of thoughts

But now there is nothing there

No strings of pearls.

It’s just like the inside of an empty oil barrel

And

I have no thoughts on that fact

But

But

From where then, would someone might ask that: why is this state of mind then so beautifully (arguably) described?

Do I have more barrels than one or something?

The silver full moon shines even through the clouds; illuminating them on the brownish blue night sky.

!!

And the frozen slush of molten dirty snow is blank and slippery — against the sky, however, it looks like it glimmers with gold.

And in the car it’s warm. And the dogs are warm.

And I have my family with me.

My whole world in this dark warm car.

Isn’t that something?

#poetry

Hello everyone

I’m feeling tense in the head, like there’s too much in there

There are spikes of doubt and nausea shooting through the brain like acid reflux leaving a headache in its wake

And yet I stand erect, feet planted firmly in the muck like a V.

It will be better up there, the molten gold I have pieced myself together with will solidify

That is part of my challenge: to stand firm like an adult

This is my reality: I see it clearly, but sometimes even I get acid reflux of the brain but I mustn’t move an inch until

The gold is solid

I cannot afford to fail

I cannot be wrong this time

This is all I have !

I

Hello I have been holding up and am a human with a panther T-Shirt on like this, the one I got from my Aunt.

It fits me like a sausage skin on a sausage. I Love it.

I was stood up front on the step class today and mostly nailed the choreography. I am particularly pleased that I made the swirls which I find the hardest usually. But today I felt like a swan!

I try to swirl through life’s obstacles with grace and dignity even though sometimes I stumble and fall, but when I do that it’s also somewhat graceful, because I always rise

And when I spread my wings and fly it feels great.

It feels great when I swirl

Saturday I spent sleeping on the blue sofa. I went out for some food, for the fitness dance, with the dogs, but always was pulled back to the sofa.

Today I’ll clean the apartment which I’d planned to do yesterday

It’s therapeutic they say. We will see about this.

I’ve made a playlist of great lyrics songs like Front 242 – quite unusual which is I think brilliant and of course always Fly on the windscreen

That is a powerful image they’ve made: the dead flies on the windscreen !! A more potent reminder to seize the day I have yet to see!!

And yet

Why did I spend all day yesterday on the sofa?

Oh man

I just love these chocolate bars with nuts and raisins, do you know?

I’ve got dance class coming up, but there were these really cool sneakers at Lidl: white with the Lidl brand on them, but they were all too small. A shame, cause they were really cheap. I like the Lidl clothes but was disheartened when the zipper got stuck on the fleece jacket I was trying on.

And on seeing no shoes of my size in there.

There’s a rich symbolism in finding something really right for you and yet it doesn’t fit, or when it does: the zipper gets stuck.

(It wasn’t right on closer inspection…)

Only when expecting that it will not be so, only then will it disappoint.!

A matter of expectations…

A pragmatist would suggest buying clothes so cheaply at a grocery store, then man you set yourself up for failure.

They might suggest to fish where the fishes are, but what about my fleece vest which I bought .

From lidl

— ”Why then”, would be my retort, ”does It fit me like a hug?”

Picture this:

A handsome man chiselled by these small miniature disappointments and failures , even without these shoes

I will go dancing.

That is a fine sight indeed. Fuelled by the moon. Fuelled by this chocolate with nut and raisins.

Dancing not only to the music,

But to the beat of my own drum.

🪘

The moon is shining down its energies on me. It’s the only celestial body visible on the dark blue almost black sky, but tonight this is just what I need.

The radiance of silver

I have been struggling with some uncomfortable realisations which are settling in. It hurts like hell, like there’s a broken bone which didn’t heal right in me, which now ruthlessly had to be re-broken in order to heal straight.

No wonder then, that I am at the brink of tears whenever this broken bone tries to support my weight.

But it will heal back stronger now.

Do you know the way some kickboxers kick against bamboo trees to strengthen their chins.

It’s like that almost.

The cool warmth of the moon on the blue almost black sky I have as a fixture in my head.

I use it to navigate this world which I didn’t know as well as I thought.

It’s never too late for a lesson on humility it seems.

I’m feeling OK it doesn’t feel that horrible it is not a horrible night to have a curse at all, but rather the darkness feels mild and the snow feels soft

And there are streetlights shining with warm glow , in place of the real stars which I know are up there although I cannot see them

And I see the sliver of a warm moon blazing up there

And I can’t believe its light is merely borrowed. Surely there’s more to it than that, when I can feel it charging my Lunar batteries this way.

I am closer to the spirit realm you see. I know some stuff…

And my back isn’t so crooked today.

And my feet are planted firmly on the ground like a V; like a cowboy. That’s how my skeleton looks (as in what it looks like. English isn’t my mother tongue (although some would be surprised by this)) , says my chiropractor.

And even though the kneecap is wobbly, my legs are strong. I feel them growing stronger from the cross training

And there are so many people shining their sunlight on me that when the tears come, it’s just the ice around my heart melting.