I’ve not been very efficient lately, it’s been a strange mess in my head and it’s been bugged out on the painting and writing and working and basically thinking in general.
The only thing I’ve been very successful at this week has been eating. I’ve eaten A LOT of stuff.
The death sin for me I think is gluttony. I just eat until there’s nothing left.
Maybe it’s I’ve got an unhealthy relationship to food or I’m just in a bugged out state of mind where the thinking ain’t successful.
Not sure but not to worry, I’ll push through cause I’m very strong.
I will endure the job until the next one starts and have nothing more to say on that subject.
It’s Monday tomorrow which made me think that thought, the sort of nonexcitenent one can feel about such things. It’s just a job.
For some people it’s like this that they go every day to a job they do not enjoy. Some people don’t have something to get back from work to either; so they end up going from one form of torment to another.
Nobody waiting at home.
That’s a sad thought, that some people spend the bulk of their life like that.
It’s cheerful to think about those less fortunate.
Some people (other than the other other people) cannot enjoy themselves knowing others aren’t enjoying themselves. Like for example I’ve come across people in several occasions who are very negative to Christmas, because they think extra much about those other other people who have nobody to celebrate with and therefore commit suicide in their solitarity and others who stare too much down the bottle and become abusive to their spouses, during the holidays.
I’m not sure which point I want to make in this post. On the one hand it’s a good thing to care about those stricken by misery, on the other it’s not very helpful to them just to use that as argument to not enjoy Christmas?
The dog ran away into the darkness today. She urgently needed to take a shit, and she can’t just do it anywhere; it has to be on a perfect spot which can sometimes take up to twenty minutes to find. She like goes around in circles to find it and frequently changes her mind last minute due to some unknown factor and have to start the search anew.
And the cock: the rooster he has had a mental breakdown recently making him attack whenever someone human is near: pecking viciously at boots or jeans or hands. I think it’s cause he want to Impress two of the new chickens who recently reached chicken puberty but he is on really thin ice, much like Ikaros when he flew too close to the sun.
Another interesting animal we have is the cat with a carrot tail.
All right the new Sonata Arctica was released today, “clear cold beyond”
I’ve only heard some of the singles they’re GREAT so I’ll look forward to listening to that album.
Sonata is a prime example of how awesome Finland is. I’ve been there a number of times, and it’s been cold, but like they make so much awesome music in Finland that is extraordinary.
The new album’s got this single: “Dark Empath”, which is really great and it’s about a dark empath: someone who feel no human emotions, but who can simulate them and can read them in others and thereby manipulate people for dark and questionable purposes. It’s a bit of a misnomer then, as these persons has no empathy at all.
I’ve encountered such persons and as an empath they are natural enemies to me, like I assume a Sith is to a Jedi (I’m not much into Star Wars, being a Trekkie primarily).
The mojo has been scarce in me lately, but by buying me some paint I will set the flames alight again and continue producing masterpieces as is my habit.
It’s going to be some fine art which you’ll probably read about in the newspapers at some point. Some Mona Lisa type stuff but with more colours. I like to infuse my paintings with happy colours because I like colourful colours. And I lack sufficient motivation to mix ten different tones of brown to make them pine trunks when I have already got a brown colour tube which is close enough to convey the message.
I sometimes think myself something like a modern Renaissance man because I’ve got so many strings on my lyre.
Artisan, artist, programmer, poet, dancer, chef, you name it. Poetry is something I’ve never tried, but I assume I could write something really poetic if I put my mind to it because I’ve got such a way with words, and I feel so strongly all emotions.
The thing is of course that I may be ahead of my time, that the contemporary man can’t understand me and therefore I place my hopes that my grandchildren will reap the fruits of my labour, because they’re gonna be rich.
I honestly don’t know whether I’m talented or not.
It’s just I made my mind up some years ago to not let something so trivial as my talent or lack thereof to get in the way of pursuing my passions,
When I was young I wasn’t as scared as I am now; I could jump from the trampoline 5 meter no problem, I went on the roller coaster and I was unfazed by changes.
I didn’t have much that I valued as much back then; so I think it was I hadn’t as much to lose.
It’s not right to say that I wasn’t used to failure or anything; my whole life until late teenage years can be described as having been one long failure.
I wasn’t very happy back then.
That’s why I really liked the count of Monte Christo, the theme about happiness in there:
There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness.
Because now I am happy and very rich as in having much that I value in my life, so maybe that’s why it scares me this new job I’m gonna start after summer: I don’t necessarily like anything interfering with my yin yang now. I felt compelled, however, to do something about what I perceived as being a downward trajectory, and that’s all there is to it.
Anyhow
It’s such an amazing book, The Count of Monte Christo. There are distinct parts and adventures in there. Dantes spends so much time in that dungeon having been wronged and all that, and then he serves the revenge ice cold. Of course he comes out a changed man.
Life can be a very hard thing to endure at times, and we all face problems we are I’ll equipped to deal with from time to time. Sometimes when on the other side of such problems, we are changed, sometimes past recognition.
Therefore my advice is to always be careful to pass judgement on other people, because you don’t know what crosses they bear.
In the other hand, some people are just assholes.
There are some people who feast on the misery of others and who are ruthless and they can be two faced and exploit the kindness of people and so forth. These people too might carry crosses on their backs.
the sun is shining more and more with every passing day, making the nights shorter and melting the hard snow to ice and puddles, leaving the ground underneath visible in places, like the receding hairline of some wet middle aged man.
The nights are brighter too, as there have been a big full moon shining a cool light on us ominously.
Werewolf moon and snowy ice and puddles.
It’s very dangerous to venture outside as you are likely to slip on the ice. The gravel which used to help does not help no more, as it’s now underneath the ice which have thawed to let the grovel sink into it and frozen again in a very mischievous way, making a causal observer think it safe to pass when in reality it’s anything but.
Knowing about the treacherous paths does not help, as the snow on the sides are similarly made slippery and hard by the shifting weather with warm days and chill nights, so it’s really best to stay inside for now.
It’s this very special time with spring around the corner, where you are likely to be able to ice fish, which is what I’m going to do next week.