Today we got the new filters for our vacuum cleaner so all in all, this Monday was a big hit.
however
I’ve got no pants without holes in them. One pair of jeans has got a very big hole in the crotch and that’s very risky because many of my underpants do too. I’ve got one pair of stretch jeans which have a hole in one knee and that’s preferable to crotch holes, but since summer is a few months away still, I shall have to bite the sour apple and buy a new pair. I don’t like that. Buying clothes feels like dying inside a bit.
There’s this quote in one Clive Barker book about dying inside (from Abarat books which I don’t really like; I like Weaveworld, Books of blood (all of them), the great and secret show, etc. but not Abarat.) But this is a great quote nonetheless:
We each die countless little deaths on our way to the last.We die out of shame as humiliation.We perish from despair.And, of course, we die for love.
hey 👋 I drank ALOT of coffee earlier today cause I was enjoying myself, and I LOVE coffee and now it’s Sunday late and I can’t sleep.
That’s what you get for living in the moment; Filling up all sensations with the now and whatnot. Guess I’ll be having a tough Monday morning.
I have mixed feelings about waking up. The sensation is terrible there is snot in the nose, the stomach feels slightly nauseous, the sounds are all noises, but the same time waking up means I live to face another day and I love life, it just takes me an hour or two to realise. Nas raps that sleep is the cousin of death and there is truth to that cause waking up feels like you a zombie.
Anyhow, I still don’t think it was stupid, the coffee and therefore insomnia that follows because I was enjoying myself and I LOVE coffee and I do this quite often.
Maybe I don’t think it’s stupid because I am stupid and therefore stupid things are normal to me and I do not perceive them as being stupid.
I could be a relatively smart stupid person. I still wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s.
I felt like writing today, not knowing what to write as I can think of nothing which would be of any interest for anyone else to read.
I’ve been having some intelligent thoughts lately:
We’re in for some colder weather now, and people are speculating that it would’ve been good if us humans had fur like sheep or dogs or cats or something, but I don’t think so, because then you only consider half of the year, what about summer? +25c and what about jogging in that with a fur? You’d die I think. And what if you get allergic to your own fur, what a miserable life you’re in for then.
No thanks to fur, fleece jackets are more convenient I think.
Sometimes the dog is driving me crazy with her barking, it’s got a very high pitch like tinnitus high.
She sitting 30 cm from my ears barking at the top of her lungs at some noise from the TV; Maybe a car or a doorbell or whatever. For such a small dog she has a remarkably loud high pitched bark.
Sometimes she gets up in the middle of the night to investigate some sound or something out in the kitchen, or maybe she’s thirsty, and when she is done she returns at the foot of the bed barking in what she considers to be a gentle tone, like half high, until someone wakes up, cause she wants to be lifted back onto bed even though we’ve put a cushion like object for her to use as a ramp. Presumably the darkness makes it hard for her to plan the sequence of jumps needed to get back up, so she barks instead.
She likes riding in the car, likes looking out the window and she couldn’t care less where we’re going, and if she sees something interesting through the window she likes to bark at it very annoyingly. It might be another dog or a human with a dog or a horse or a human on a horse, or some new trash can which doesn’t usually stand there.
I saw it on the Internet; speculations that Uruk-hai were made from elves tortured for centuries.
That’s some dark shit, that is. Makes me wanna wallow in elf pity.
Hehe
Anyhow it is Friday and the spirits are high the indicators are all on green and it’s likely to be a fine week end. Maybe I’ll even open up a bottle of bubble wine to celebrate that against all odds, I am alive. (Probability of even being born is very close to 0)
This made me think of something; we were at the premiere of the HP proliant G6 server launch event, must’ve been 2009 and they said they’d have an exciting world premiere, but it was only the worlds (at the time) strongest man, dancing with his wife (I think he’d won Let’s dance show or something), so that was I found it very anticlimactic cause why would I wanna see that? but also at the same time very funny indeed.
There’ve been a lot of thoughts on my mind about the dangers out there, and the freak accidents and that you can be struck dead by lightning or sudden inner organ failure of some sort.
I think this song by Depeche Mode, Fly on the windscreen is one of the best lyrics ever made.
Death is everywhere
There are flies on the windscreen
For a start
Reminding us
We could be torn apart
Tonight
I have yet to see such powerful lyrics in any song, maybe the Meat loaf one I wrote about earlier comes close, and there’s one by Manowar too: Heart of steel. Heart of steel is a track I listen to when I am going through some shit which I have to see it through.
Anyhow I’ll think of somethign better to write about tomorrow,
Did you know that the iPhone swipe keyboard has a ios3 cuss filter, which prevents you from swiping “fuck” and a lot of other things too. Iphones treating people like children, and “Smart” TV:s peddling your personal information to highest bidder, ads in the Start menu, and this is for stuff you’ve paid for, is this the future we were hoping for?
I guess that’s one of the reason I use Linux, it’s an operating system for grown ups. It lets you delete system files, you can remove the kernel, glibc and systemd, and it will break, and in that sense it’s just like real life; There’s noone stopping you from doing stupid things (in general the police will stop you if you are a criminal, but if you want to drill a hole right into your sewer pipe, go ahead). Some operating systems have opinions on even which web browser you like, it’s a very strange development. Windows peaked with xp, and have been constantly providing a terribler user expirience.
Was in Belgium once, had this client who was an absolute prick, he would act real condescending, each morning he’d make me wait in the lobby for 20 minutes before letting me in. He smelled bad and didn’t seem to change clothes. (Fun fact that you could smell him looking over your shoulder) Another guy there smoked giant packs of cigarettes and called me weird after I ordered a sandwich with tuna and cheese off the canteen (don’t know if that’s what prompted his reaction (tuna and cheese sandwiches aren’t weird as far as I know), it might also have been the fact that actually am weird). I just said the same thing I did when my driving instructor called me feminine for not being able to tell left from right: “Thank you”. I learned that from a book, Joe Abercrombie book, not sure which one (I really like his books especially The First Law triology and The Age of madness triology and the Shattered sea triology). Something along the line of “take everything as a compliment and you can never be offended”.
Anyhow I would fly from town to town and do some stuff at some various client sites and then go sit by myself alone at some hotel or eat dinner alone at some restaurant and the tears would drip onto the Norwegian pizza and I’d read some book alone by myself. I don’t like being alone. I don’t like it at all. I don’t need to spend time talking to people, I’m more like a dog: I just like having people I like near me without necessarily interacting with them so much.
Another problem with travelling I had was that I don’t like travelling; I don’t like flying, I don’t like Hotels, and I don’t like seeing new places.
It was after seeing the 1998 movie Six days seven nights that I made up my mind to quit. Have you seen that one? About a retired pilot Harrison Ford who agrees to fly this very successful beautiful business woman Anne Heche in his beat down small plane to some important business meeting, but they crash somewhere halfway there on some small island where pirates appear and they are all stuck for Im guessing six days and seven nights. And well she is very stressed about missing the meeting until she takes a moment to stop and do some soul searching, like what if there are things more important than having a career, what if happiness is in your reach if you just slow down and look at what’s right in front of you (in her case it was Harrison Ford). It was exactly the same for me I realised from my couch (I was at home when I saw it)
One of them managers said to me that I’m making a mistake by quitting to be at home more, focusing on family, he said that he did travel a lot and that when he is at home, It’s a special occasion and everybody is very excited to see him.
I do like that but other way around today: I work from home and spend time with my family, and when I go to visit the office, everybody is very excited to see me.
Hello!! Are you wondering why I haven’t written in a while (1+ days), it’s because I’ve had the crushing feeling of Sunday blues: thoughts on paperwork, taxes and work were in my head, which is a damn shame, because I want to have fun thoughts up there!!!
I’m straightening all of the shit out, but new shit keeps pouring in and it’ll be a while still before I can plug the shit holes in my head and enjoy life more.
I guess this is part of the deal when you are grown up. (Don’t remember signing up for being an adult)
Ok can’t write more about this now for I gotta play computer games.