One place I worked at had some guideline or ethos that “you dig where you stand”, I guess about seizing the opportunities within your reach; it makes absolutely no sense at all: what if you’re on top of a septic tank or a power line, or are in the middle of the mine field? You’d be in for a big surprise… What about moving to some place where there may be gold or diamonds and dig there instead?
Thus my recommendation is to dig where there’s treasure or you’ll end up with at best nothing.
I just saw that film about Elton John a few months ago. Did you know he was gay?
The circle of life song from lion king I really liked as child. A friend at the time (a peasant) had that one on CD. He also had an Amiga with Golden Axe. He said dwarves are ten times stronger than humans and we had an argument when he said wrestling wasn’t real and I didn’t wanna realise this. It can shatter your world view; the very Fundaments upon which you base your understanding of the world around you can be shattered like that and then you must seek to put the bases elsewhere. To try again to rebuild.
Joe Abercrombie writes in some book I don’t remember which one about facing harsh truths and that you cannot avoid that; you must realise those things in order to grow you cannot live in denial.
One of my favourite authors he is. I also enjoyed the count of Monte Christo a great deal indeed. Books don’t have to be boring I mean with so many books on this earth it makes sense to read the ones you like first.
See now that many of my recent posts have been rants and I’m not usually this angry I better do some soul searching to find inner peace. I ought to go for a run or something. I used to go fitness dancing. I miss doing that. It’s the toughest type of training I’ve ever done, cause you don’t set the pace yourself; you follow the choreography and therefore blood will run out of your nose and you’ll feel like fainting and you’ll slip in your own sweat and you’ll feel like you radiate heat and once there was this guy he had a prosthetic arm which flew away across the room, with Dua Lipa blasting out the speakers!!
Another memory is of a guy wearing shorts, he had legs like tree trunks, real thick and muscular like a fortress on two solid pillars: A fitness golem. (A beautiful sight)
Had to delete LinkedIn app just now cause it’s such a cringe fest. Some life advice shared between a bunch of wankers, like idiotic things really, like how some people are owls and they bring value because of this, or that you should be able to explain everything to a ten year old, or you share your tips on how to secure the infrastructure to not get hacked (like focus on externally exposed services first (who would’ve guessed that)), and some selfies where they cry to show that sometimes they feel bad inside even though they seem to be happy (deep).
All of this is what I’ve seen today. and people out there put shit like this on LinkedIn cause what? they aspire to become some sort of influencers? I feel stupider every time I Scroll that feed and now enough is enough.
To breathe the fresh air and well I can’t smell anything really, but I know there are smells of various kinds in my area, to know that and to not have that much pain anywhere is a stroke of luck if you want my opinion.
Making lasagna today. Making some fantastic work at work today. Having a fresh cup of coffee and some snus today like right now. This life; Today I’m up for the challenge!
Have you seen the news? read about the wars? The killing of the innocent? The recession? That unemployment is soaring and that people are getting poorer and that that democracy index thing is back like fourty years in time? And the rich line their pockets, profiteering of people’s misery; Don’t read that shit what can you do about all of that? I mean sure you could do something or everything or nothing, but what?
Put shortly; ambivalence is what I’m feeling about today.
Bought three pairs of jeans. Thing is they change the formulae for jeans over the years so you cannot buy same pair because all bets are off even with same model number and instead you have to go to store and try them on.
That’s a fact of life I have come to accept even though for sure I do not understand it, like the case is with so many other things including why I would want to buy a new pair of jeans which looks already like the pair I’m seeking to replace. Like with frizzles and pale on the knees etc.
This is the case that we try to navigate in a world we do not understand, we are just trying to give it our best shot at least I do that: strive to be decent and honest and kind and stuff.
I’m feeling anger now but that’s cause I’m a little bit hungry and lack the energy to rise from the sofa, what they call a catch 22 and a downward spiral snd a vicious cycle but I will break the cycle now.
There are some people out there with their heads so far up their asses that their heads pop right back out of their mouths again. My best advice is to stay clear of such people as they will make your life miserable even though that may not be their intentions.
So anyhow that’s all about my Monday which now is successfully completed. Even I did go for a run in the snow because it wasn’t -23c for a change.
I remember sitting exactly like this in the very same sofa I do now, and it was Sunday and I wasn’t looking forward to Monday, and now it’s exactly like that again. That’s a déjà vu right there, and another five days to deal with somehow. If I think about it, I did the very same thing, and I felt the very same thing the week before and the one before that.
I make a decent enough salary, I’ll save some money and when the time comes I’ll make my move and break out of this loop, because it’s more like a downward spiral.
Speaking of downward spirals, in my youth I was really into Nine Inch Nails and there were many texts about drug abuse but that flew over my head at the time because I guess it was hard to relate as I spent my time reading comic books or drawing or tinkering with the computer. Even going to parties wasn’t on my radar, and anyhow he (Trent Reznor) sounded angry and/or sad, and that was enough (I did understand the lyrics for Closer though) but anyhow I don’t listen to that no more. I also had green hair at one point and it really accentuated my pimples. Green hair listening to The Downward Spiral in the Walkman but not yet smoking the cigarettes. That was me before I was happy like I am now.
So the objective then, is to stop this downward spiral from reaching down to how I felt inside at the time when I was listening to downward spiral. To somehow point the spiral up.
So about that post, why I did have a traveling job even though I don’t like travelling, and in fact I am pretty similar to Ferdinand the bull, who is pretty happy right where he’s at with what’s right in front of him. I’m thinking like how could I make such obvious mistakes, and why aren’t we (some of us at least) so good at taking advice from others?
It’s like when I was kickboxing, (here comes the point of this post, the thought I have in my head which I’m tryin to convey), they say keep your guard up, right, and you try: You try to keep your guard up, because you know you don’t want a punch in the face, even with gloves on, you know this, but as soon as you get tired, or you are busy trying to land a roundhouse kick or something, boom you get a punch in your face, from out of nowhere, because without knowing it, gravity pulled your guard down and you were to busy or tired or something to pay attention.