The happy place

This here is the space into which I put some of the thoughts which have been gathering inside my head. Mostly mundane stuff as I am not that original

Listening to I think band of horses in the headphones.

Have been having what I believe is an EMO mindset lately šŸ–¤,

Been selling off the chickens now only the turkeys remain.

Soon they’ll be gone too

Not gone, like as in disappeared from the face of earth but rather sold to someone or other.

been laddering in hearthstone battlegrounds and I’m a 7k rating bracket player now.

I’ve picked up Pokemon GO again. I’m 2M xp short of level 44. I caught a cute one today, like a chubby ice shark dragon type. It’s owned by Saudi Arabia now is it? PokĆ©mon GO?

There’s also been several fits of allergy with headaches and nosebleed and sneezing which doesn’t make sense but somehow is cured by jogging so I do that and also play pokemon on the route and listen to music to that dwarf metal band to Windrose and I take the opportunity by listening to the lyrics to learn a lot of dwarf lore from various universes like there’sa wealth of knowledge in there it makes me giddy. Giddily spitting snot blood on the mud track with my PokĆ©mon go phone in one hand slowly jogging in the cool spring sun. Must’ve been an awesome sight to behold.

Ok that’s all i better go back to work now

Hallo greetings!

🫔 šŸŖƒšŸŖƒšŸŖƒšŸ›¼šŸ›¼šŸŖ’šŸŖ’šŸŖ‘šŸŖ‘

I’m ok.

We’re alive and that’s what’s most important. The most important thing.

There are waves of emotions.

I feel sorry for all of those who get voted out first from Bachelor, like they didn’t even get one single rose in there. That’s a type of sadness humans can grasp, which isn’t always the case with war and such. It’s too absurd. And Black Death. It’s like how we can know 30k for a park bench is expensive however some people pay millions for dysfunctional IT systems. Some rich folks earn billions. Some

It’s a world of a scope which is too big to grasp for most people , I think. For me it is so atleast I know (barely) of myself only, and therefore I can’t speak for others though I know too that I’m not so special or original; therefore others have been feeling this and thinking this for thousand years or more. Perhaps.

Also therefore it’s sometimes hard to justify feeling sad sometimes I think cause there’s always some poor fucker who’s worse off. Almost.

Still these past weeks have been and are heavy to bear. Like the old old life is falling to pieces I have yet to mend and it will look differently after this it will be wabi sabi.

Hello!

šŸ‘‹

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There are a few things I want to tell you about.

The most interesting also highlights the complex nature of poultry. Not only do they do all of their business through the same hole, like, but they have an inner darkness: most people know that chicken can be real bullies with their pecking order but also they do more twisted stuff than that: they are (some are) cannibals who will not hesitate to kill an injured kinshen for example, to eat her, and they do sometimes get some psychosis and will kill their own hatchlings (like I have written about earlier, the angel makers). Furthermore: some roosters are also some sort of BDSM freaks whose lovemaking is unsettling to watch.

I’m thinking about all of this because our neighbours told a gruesome tale about some of their imported exotic chicken breed, don’t remember which one, but they had some serious anger issues and assulted the others, ruthlessly pecking on their heads rendering their brains exposed and so the newcomers were therefore promptly decapitated and that was that.

I’m thinking all this because at the same time they are gentle and sweet creatures who are lovely companions with distinct personalities and quirks.

It’s the duality of the thing, you know? The yin yang of nature.

The brutal reality of life is seldom black or white or rather it is more precisely both.

Hello fellow human firewalls.

I’ve been having the writers block which is remarkable because typically I’d just write whatever I happen to be thinking about and then save and publish with little thought on the quality. But sometimes I get the mental constipation and enter into a phase where I just kill time you know, do a bunch of pointless stuff and the days pass and it’s already Sunday evening and there’s a Monday coming up which I’m not super excited about. In this state of mind I don’t even read. I can’t focus I think, I think it’s the case that I’m unable or avoiding to do things which require mental effort.

It’s like I can’t force myself over the thresholds even though they may be low.

Probably i need a vacation

I was blasting Ava Max in the speakers of the BMW as I was going to buy some groceries. There’s a sudden mood change in me today;, I have been feeling great and have been singing The Motto by well by Ava Max. ā€œIt’s the Motto hmhmhmhm […] won the lottoā€ something like that I don’t really hear what she singing but I do LOVE the lyrics for Sweet but psycho: (it goes something like this): yes she’s sweeet but a psycho a little bit psyycho; at night she’s screaming l’m mamama out my mind.

That’s pretty psycho. Also there are other bits of lyrics I love it’s the ā€œdid you ever feel like a misfit something something dark and twisted.

Yes all of this feels to me very relatable. Furthermore the take away for me is that under a sweet surface there can be something dark and twisted.

Don’t judge someone cause you haven’t walked in their YSL:s (like J LO).

I’ll return the BMW on Monday cause the lease is up I am entering a new chapter of my life and I will do it listening to Ava Max.

I’ll go jogging now I think. I think there’s gonna be swans flying in the sky again I have a feeling that it might be so.

I’ll listen to: The Motto

It’s sunny. It’s warm, like 9 c plus. There’s dirty snow and wet ground where the shadows are more prominent and I haven’t seen a single cloud; it’s just baby blue in the sky, right?

I’m jogging slowly because I’m a little bit fat. I see some stuff (during the jog):

There’ve been two geese or more likely swans flying overhead twice!!

I thought I saw a Siamese twin but it was just my imagination; when I got closer he had only one head unfortunately, but still…

That’s some of the noteworthy occurrences during my ~10km run.


Now we have only twelve chickens and suchlike, the thirteenth buried adead in the compost.


The dream: The dream I dreamt last night that an alcoholic spilled beer on me but I didn’t mind too much I said he could probably get it refilled for free. In that dream I dreamt too that I had the hoodie with the hood on and a baseball cap, like, and the hair I had cut it unevenly with a dog fur trimmer (the one I use for my beard). And although it looked like shit it also looked good; the long hair is the only feature which makes me special (it’s thinning). Even so I felt elated in the dream like I was entering into a new chapter.

All of these signs: the dream, the swans and no longer having 13 chickens I count as good omens.

Indeed.

āˆž Hello

What is this?

The composted hen still haunts me when I open the compost lid; I hear the sound of the hinges creaking but in my mind’s ear I hear her cackling and I envision her being buried alive in there but she is dead. Buried adead.

I have her as my background picture in the phone. Her cute face.

I think about my sister and it makes me angry. She makes me angry. She is a fiasco.

I’m thinking about the future and I must say that it’s looking pretty good, depending of course on how far into future one looks. And also depending on on what aspect of that future too. Also it’s hard to avoid the harsh truth that death is in the futures. All of them. 😐

I’m leaning more to the left now, politically. It’s hard to lean otherwise when you are emphatic, not impossible, but hard. I think.

I believe in reincarnation or at least in the afterlife because I feel so old right now that it’s like several hundred years old. How else do you explain that? It’s an old soul.

Life is a miracle and my black little dog is turning brown/gray and has a brighter tone right around his eyes. He looks like a muppet now or something. He is warm and soft.

He peed on the carpet just now.

The other dog is beautiful like a fox.

As I was opening it, I heard the creaking of the hinges of the compost lid. I built the thing before I knew how to do carpentry, and now it serves as a testament to all of the progress I made throughout these years of building stuff. As I did hear the creak I thought it was from the hen buried in there and it spooked me but it was just a creaky lid and unprocessed grief.

The moon shone brightly last night straight into the bedroom and it looked as if the lamp was on but it was the moon shining down on us from up there and that is significant.

A full moon shining like a 40w (old) light bulb with a cool light and the dead hen haunting me.

And then there’s the dogs. The smallest one just chews on my clothes and bites me on my nose and he does shit on the floor and pee on the carpet and he will bark when I am eating and try to steal my food and he sometimes humps my arm. When he shits sometimes it looks like ice cream being served from a soft ice machine. He is half the size of a small cat and I love him.

So there’s been a lot of stuff going on and therefore I’ve not been writing so much lately

even though today the moon is big like really big and has a warm glow like an orange mixed with a regular cold moon and it looked big like the sun or bigger, but that is an illusion only as it’s merely closer to the earth. It’s brightening the sky and radiates a type of Lupine energy I wouldn’t want to be out in the forest right now.

It must be really close. The moon. I could reach it if I had really long arms.

Even so I’ve been having a barren mind. I’ve not been feeling down lately or anything. just a kind of void up in the head so no new blasts of inspiration have struck me and I’ve had no profound ideas or dreams which I remember.

Don’t know if it’s because of the hamster wheel or daily grind or something. Not sure.

Haven’t done anything meaningful either. Been playing hearthstone battlegrounds and am stuck around 6500 rating. That’s a pretty pointless pastime but fun even so.

The point is to get older and wiser.

I had a nightmare again last night. It’s often something with Pennywise the clown from the 1990 version of IT, which I did watch in my youth. I still remember one time (might’ve even written about it) in another dream like when he came out of one of those Norwegian fish gratins, the type you put in the micro wave oven; the mashed potatoes and the sause and fish and all that became Pennywise’s grotesque clown face and I woke up. This time I don’t remember anything specific unfortunately, just that I had a nightmare with Pennywise in it again.

It’s a damn feeling the waking up in the middle of the night, too scared to move and too scared to go back to sleep. Mmm

speaking of which, there is one type of food which I find very sad. It’s the whole grain spaghetti: you take something good and remove all which makes you happy about it except the shape, and make it into something I would’ve enjoyed if I were a horse.

I think life is tough enough already in a world like this.

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