The happy place

Today for some reason, I felt terrible.

Don’t know what set me off but it was just feelings of anxiety and a sadness which I don’t know from where it came but it was like just this distraction irate behaviour I couldn’t focus just sat for five minutes, made code, then back and then out again five minutes with the dogs, try to focus 20 min then coffee.

It’s the feeling of something very unspecific being wrong

I really tried

Having spent the workday in this weird state of mind, I went to the neighbours to help their son with his computer and I might’ve fixed it or maybe I didn’t; maybe it’s broken still, but at least it booted

And my black mood lifted too, late now I’m having dinner, watching Supernatural. Without spoiling anything I’ll say that the notion of the soul being tied to the conscience I think it’s spot on.

Tomorrow I’ll go running, it’s to keep the wolves at bay

It’ll prevent me from feeling bad

I used to think that that’s all there was to it, mere chemistry of the brain

Imbalance of the humours I used to think

But now I think that there’s something unhandled psychologically with is making these terrible feelings appear in the first place

And that the training is just a way to handle operating this broken machine in this world, which I love.