I’m having cough some asthma allergy attack no doubt, and I’m inside on the bed with the dogs

And all is well

A few days ago, on the road we saw a toad big as a soccer ball. We had to swerve to avoid running it over,

But it made it

I don’t think I’ll ever see such a big toad in my life again

Isn’t life strange?

But I’m smitten by a terrible illness (a cold) and have been bedridden inside, while the sun is shining down the last summer days

Or the moon, as I described.

It’s a comforting thought, the indifference of nature or the world, but it’s unsettling nonetheless

I am the centre only of my own world, just like everyone else, including the frogs

I drank half a bottle no more of champagne

But it might’ve been a small bottle, and regular French fries, only I was the halfling all along

And now we’re watching terminator 2

And even though I’ve not seen it in a long time, i know it well, I know what they’re gonna say

And the soundtrack is very good too, very cool

And beware: this is the path we’re on

with Skynet

It’ll be worse before it gets better just take one for breadth

Spread your wings and fly

I thick I know what I’ll tattoo:

— A butterfly

That’s a comforting thought, I think

I can’t believe how lucky I am with all of these things I have got going for me, how loved I am and what a meaningful (by my own measure) life I live

And yet at the same time, I’m really struggling

It doesn’t make no sense

To say I’m not clever enough to grasp it all may be true, but I’m not going to use that as an excuse not to try

Sometimes I think it’s cowardice standing in my way of making sense of this life, you know

How uncomfortable it can be to look into the mirror and

And sometimes other people too

Sometimes they aren’t what you think

Sometimes you know this I know this, and at the same time not

But also have some self compassion

Where is my self compassion

Where did I put it

I’m confused now, because I just discovered it and I’m still not sure

How to use it

#poetry

And there are brown dirt roads with puddled pot holes. Brown slugs are crawling up on the furniture, litter bins and whatever is left lying on the ground

And I only did sleep for three hours, my mind thoughts spinning out of control throughout the night

But then, a big rainbow and a big yellow sun

Green almost yellow illuminated grass

And my friend came visiting with his girlfriend and a small baby child they’d made.

And he was tall just like me with gray streaked beard just like me, long hair in a ponytail and round glasses, just like me

But he’d made these big earrings, you know, and he’s got some tattoos too, and today he was wearing a Slayer t shirt. It’s never been my taste, slayer.

So objectively he was a little bit cooler with this wild style, some would say

And then, as it turns out, we were both running Manjaro Linux

And then they left

There are some people you’ve not talked much for years but it’s still the same when you meet, you know? He’s like that

I think

Thank you for your time

We carry our fear inside,

A space that holds the darkness,

We stretch our skin around,

To cover the Abyss

And I didn’t know I had this much mojo anymore, I couldn’t believe it when running the route, because my whole body felt rusted, every movement was provoking a resigned protest from this body I’m in

It’s not the one I would’ve chosen, but it is mine

And the sun did me some good, like an exorcism with this running around getting nowhere, it’s supposed to feel this way

But the curse has lifted

And with this sun shining down on me, I enter into the week end

It’s always nice to come home. I felt disoriented when I woke up this morning in the apartment. A disappointment settling inside as I learned where I was.

I think mornings can be harsh, because there’s always a brief moment when you have a clean slate, and as the state is loaded back into the brain, the disappointments and failures briefly forgotten, are reexperienced.

Of course there are good things loaded with the context too, like waking up for the first time next to someone you love etc

Life itself is indeed like a müsli, but sometimes there’s shit in it.

There were nettles and I was running at the edge of the maize field, between the taller maize and the forest. There I could’ve disappeared, but I didn’t

I Emerged instead on the road and finally made it back home to my family including the cats

And yes of course I am thankful

I never pictured I would have any of this

There’s no place on earth I’d rather be and no life I’d rather live either

I didn’t picture anything, to be fair, but still

having all I got fills me with gratitude

And my neutral facial expression: a smile.

A stark contrast to this aforementioned sky

And there I saw a rainbow.

It all looked like in a smurf village.

Next time I looked out a few minutes later, through that same window,

The rain fell heavily, and everything was gray again

Then the smurfs were suddenly gone

Rode off, no doubt, on big green toads

There’s lots of them, I see them every night

Toads, not smurfs

But there are no crickets here.

A pretty powerful world indeed